Coping with Romantic Rejection: Tips to Help You Move Forward
I can sit here and say all the cliche things that we’re often told when it comes to facing rejection.
“They don’t deserve you.”
“It’s not meant to be.”
“You can do better.”
These could all be very well true. They could provide you with positive perspective to move forward in a healthy way.
However, sometimes, we might need more than just a quick one liner to start the healing process. Moving forward can especially be difficult when the rejection feels deep rooted and is clouding your ability to see yourself clearly & in a healthy light.
When it comes to romantic love; this type of rejection tends to be the most intense because it can feel so personal and seep into the parts of us that are very raw and unexposed.
This is so because being involved with another on a romantic level is one of the most vulnerable of all relationships.
Since rejection can feel so personal, that’s actually where the danger lies. Making and taking rejection personally is where the divide between our sense of self worth and what is external opinion and noise can become blurred, chipping away at our sense of self.
I’m going to say it one more time so you can really hear it:
Making ANYTHING too personal is what will slowly corrode our sense of self. As our sense of self becomes compromised; our joy will begin to lessen and our lives will become less fulfilling.
gaining perspective
The truth is that nothing is 100% personal to you, even though it can feel so. Especially the rejection that results from a romantic relationship ending or never getting the momentum to begin.
We’re all so multi faceted, coming forth with our own history that has shaped the way we perceive the world. What’s “right” for one could be “wrong” for another and vice versa. This is why having discernment and perspective when it comes to somebody’s opinion or response to you (an opinion of someone that might not even know you well) is important to learn to do. It’s an invaluable skill.
to say it straight:
Don’t confuse your self worth with somebody’s preference.
What I’m about to say is not going to be popular, but it’s truthful.
The reality is that not everyone is going to prefer what we have to offer. Our value is not going to be something that everyone can see (for reasons beyond us.) This is not a fault of yours. It just is. Work on not mentally digging too deep into this, for it’s a dangerous rabbit hole to spin out in.
The trick is accepting this truth; the truth that we’re not going to be for everyone.
As we begin to digest and accept this truth; it will becomes a bit more bearable to sustain rejection when it, ultimately, makes it’s way into our life.
Acceptance is not easy; but it’s our way out of the mind maze of doubting and rejecting our own self.
Let me remind you that someone passing on you is not because there’s anything wrong with you. Not being a fit for another does not mean that you should change something about yourself to fit into their ideal. It just means that you’re a better fit for something or someone else.
Any such action to change yourself in order to win someone over would be a form of self abandonment.
The thing is, when we allow what’s not for us to go on it’s merry way, we then leave the space for the people and opportunities that are for us to appear. There’s an interesting way that the concept of flow can work in our lives when we’re able to allow, let go and move forward with less resistance.
As we view rejection as redirection it will prevent us from sitting too long in our self defeating feelings. Rejection hurts. It’s uncomfortable. I don’t want to take away from that truth. However the perspective and mindset that we lock into when something or someone walks away from us is what will dictate everything that follows.
Rejection brings an opportunity for potential change & growth
I will also say this; sometimes rejection presents us with an opportunity for self reflection and growth. It’s an opportunity for us to reflect on any way of being that’s not serving us and our life. Rejection can point us toward our unhealthy ways and behaviors that we might want to adjust for ourselves.
This adjustment is not because “it” (our character, our actions, our way) didn’t work for them; it’s because our actions, attitude or behavior doesn’t work for us.
Nobody that’s for you is going to have a fundamental problem with who you are as a person; which is your authentic character. They could have issues with your behavior or actions, which you can decide you want to change for yourself, but they won’t reject your authentic truth & character.
Be brave and strong enough in this life to stay true to what’s authentic to you. If you don’t take this stand for yourself, nobody will take it for you. It will be more difficult for you to find others who can see you clearly if you don’t own and stand up for who you are.
When it comes down to it, the intensity in which we we feel rejection usually aligns with the lack of acceptance that we have for ourselves. As we learn to hone more self acceptance, our ability to move on with more ease from rejection will gain momentum.
When rejection visits please remember that it’s a result of you stepping outside your comfort zone and putting yourself “out there.” Rejection usually happens the most to those of us who are living a life that’s pushing limits; a person whom is striving for living big. This is something to be proud of yourself for; It’s brave. It takes courage to live outside the bounds of your comfort zone. Acknowledge yourself for that.
How to Work Through the Discomfort that Rejection Brings
Feeling emotions that are uncomfortable is a hard thing to do; so much so that avoiding such feelings are the basis of many mental health issues. Find my youtube video on how to process and work through your hard emotions HERE.
Final Tips
don’t take rejection personally
keep the focus on protecting your sense of self and self respect (always)
keep your focus on yourself by refraining from making assumptions and stories up about the other (why they left, what they might think, etc)
process and feel your hurt feelings while keeping your aim on moving forward
choose to see life as a journey filled with experiences that help you learn and grow; some of which are challenging and bring up hard feelings.
realize that everyone, regardless of how they look, what they’ve achieved or how much they are desired, get & feel rejection as well. We will all face rejection at one time or another in life; or multiple times; it really depends on how courageous we are to put ourselves “out there.”
*Above image is by Photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Wishing for you to see yourself in a light that serves you and helps you to cope with the hard parts of life with more clarity. Thanks for being here with me.
-kim
5 Perspectives to Help You Deal With Rejection
Rejection is a feeling that’s a challenge for most of us. It’s easy to personalize rejection, which then starts sabotaging our sense of self by opening the door to feelings of self doubt and unworthiness. It’s not pretty…..
It hurts.
It’s uncomfortable.
It’s hard.
Rejection can be so utterly uncomfortable that we do everything in our power to avoid it. This can be unconscious or conscious. The problem with this approach is that in order to avoid being rejected, we have to live pretty small lives.
Even then so, rejection is apart of life and unavoidable. You can’t completely hide from it; It will find you.
The avoidance of rejection guarantees significantly less opportunity and possibility in our lives simply because we’re not putting ourselves out there in the world to experience, be seen or live fully.
However, rejection doesn’t need to be so scary and it’s in the making it so, that we limit our lives. On the flip side, rejection can be a huge teacher, for when things are difficult and challenging is when we have the opportunity to grow the most. Yup, it’s true, from our greatest source of pain is where the possibility for some major growth lies.
The truth is that it’s easy to show up while putting our best foot forward when things are all good.
However, it’s how we act when someone or something is not giving us what we want that reveals the truth of who we are.
With that said, here are 5 perspectives to help you cope when rejection appears in your life.
1. When One Thing Doesn’t Work Out, It’s Only A Matter of Time That Something Else Will. Another door will open in your life and when it does your past rejection might make a lot more sense. Hang in there, your current life situation will become more clear with time. It always tends too.
2. Don’t Make It Personal. I know, I know, how’s it not personal, right? After all someone or something said a big, fat NO. I get it and I still stick with, “Babes, it’s not personal.” You never know what someone else is going through or what the exact details of a situation is. Rather than exhausting yourself mentally by trying to figure it out with false stories and assumptions, practice letting go and reminding yourself that it’s not personal.
As cliche as it is to say, getting rejected is apart of life and it’s not a personal attack. Sticking with this perspective, especially when your mind wants to point to all your self perceived inadequacies, is key to allowing the rejection to process through.
3. Accept That Things Don't Always Work Out The Way You Want Them to and That's Okay. Actually, it’s beyond okay, trust that how a situation is going down in your life is working for you, rather than against you. With that said, it’s important to take your time to feel about the “loss.” Be mad. Be hurt. Be disappointed. When you allow yourself to be real about how you feel your emotions can then pass through and you’ll find yourself moving beyond the rejection with more ease and flow. Just because one thing didn't work out, doesn't mean you're a failure, or that nothing will work out. You missed A boat, not THE boat my friend. There will be a lot more boats of opportunity and possibilities passing through in your life. That’s a for sure.
4. There’s A Lesson to be Learned. Try to Find It. When you can make a painful event a learning opportunity, that reframe will help you in so many ways. For one, it helps to support your growth. When you can learn something about yourself that you then carry along with you as you move forward, you win. Focusing on something else rather than ruminating or looping on the “why” and the disappointment of rejection will serve you greatly. When you soul search to discover the silver lining of any situation, you create the space to break some new ground within your field of personal growth. Look for the personal lessons. Look to where it’s really uncomfortable for you. Look for how it’s challenging you. This is where growth lies.
5. Trust It. I know, easier said than done, however, trusting in something bigger than your logic will serve you greatly in this life. The reality is that many things happen in life that don’t make sense. When we get stuck in trying to understand or figure out certain situations, we will create a lot more suffering than need be. Also, realize that your need to “figure out” the root of any situation is all about control. To say it simply, your discomfort of “not knowing” is pushing you toward searching for an answer so you can feel more in control. The reality is that you cannot control many situations and learning to let go of the compulsion to loop in your mind for “an answer” will free you from so much anxiety and unneeded suffering. When we learn to surrender and find acceptance for how things are, we are rewarded for our ability to let go amongst the uncertainty.
Rejection really has been one of my biggest teachers in life. I’ve worked so hard to avoid it for so long and with facing it dead on, I’ve realized that, although uncomfortable, it’s bearable. Beyond that, the lessons that rejection has brought to my door have pushed me to grow in ways that have benefited me greatly. Use your pain to grow. I say this with knowing how challenging that can be. Although, when you muster up the strength to gear up and go toward the discomfort, pain and unknown, life will acknowledge your brave spirit. I don’t know how or when, but trust that this is so. For what you believe in is what creates your experience.
You got this friends. Keep going forward. Trust life. Do your best to face the challenges, including the rejections that will continue to appear if you’re living large. Experiencing rejection is a clue that your putting yourself out there and living a full life.
* Healing Crystals for Rejection: Peridot, Rose Quartz
*Above image is by lifestyle & wedding photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
