3 Tips on How to Cope with Uncertainty
As Fall is quickly approaching, along comes the changing of the seasons. It’s so hard to image that change, as I sit here with an 80 degree summer day before me. I can’t imagine being cold and wearing my boots and skinny jeans. Although, it’s going to happen.
Some things are inevitable and just a matter of time, whether we invite and desire change for ourselves or not.
Change is a constant in life and change tends to be so utterly uncomfortable for many of us. I see this first hand with the kind of work I do. I also have and have had my own struggles with transition and change.
I’m guessing that a lot of us have dreams and desires that are difficult to envisioning happening from where we stand today. It’s a skill to be able to believe that something is coming and going to happen for us, even when there’s no glimpse of it within our present.
If you already possess this skill, good on you, if not, you can absolutely cultivate this way of thinking. As you do, the utter discomfort around HOW something is going to come into your life will begin to shift from discomfort and stress into curiosity and anticipated excitement.
For the record: This feels SO much better.
When we get stuck within the fear of the unknown, there tends to be a lot of angst around how things are going to work out.
If we’re as single as can be, we wonder, how that romantic partner is going to show up. If we’re looking to become an entrepreneur, we can become paralyzed in thinking about how our future business is going to get off the ground. We can stress, big time, about how things are going to work out in our lives. Especially when we can’t logically see (in the now) how things can possibly pan out.
When we can’t see how something is going to unfold; it’s hard for us to imagine it to be true.
This is why, we humans, love to plan and control. It gives us a (false) sense of comfort because for a limited time it allows us to feel in the drivers seat of life. (which is an illusion itself) Some of us navigate our whole lives with our hands “white knuckling it” on the steering wheel of life, forcing and controlling things to be because it makes us feel more comfortable to do so.
Just to be clear: there’s healthy management of your life, to the best of your ability given your situation and there’s controlling your life. These are two very different approaches.
I’m writing this with full transparency in saying that it’s such a struggle to not know. It’s so hard to sit in an uncomfortable space without knowing when or if it’s going to end or turn out in a positive light. We all struggle with this to some degree.
With that said, I also know that there are perspectives to digest that can help you surrender more, trust more and feel more comfortable amongst the unknown. After all, whether we want to admit it or not, we all really don’t know what lies ahead for us.
Here Are 3 Tips to Focus on When Not Knowing Is Driving You Nuts
Tap Into Your Intuition
Building your intuitive muscle will help you to better navigate the choices and decisions before you. Your intuition is your inner compass. Straight up.
Learning to focus more on how something feels rather than using your logic to figure it out is a way to drop more into your intuitive self.
I love this below quote because it points to that inner sense around change and movement that we all have, whether we pay attention to it or not.
“The moment that you feel like you can leave that place (a situation, relationship or place)… leave, because every moment you stay longer than you have to, you will become extraordinarily ordinary.”
Intuitively, we get a feeling when we’ve expanded beyond something. Paying attention to that knowing and taking an action toward changing your situation is the work. The problem with staying in something that we’ve grown out of is, …..drumroll….., that we don’t grow. Hence we stay “extraordinarily ordinary.” Getting more comfortable with change and the unknown gives us the courage to make bold moves. These moves, whether big or small, give us the momentum to expand, grow and ultimately change our lives.
Accept What Is
Just because something looks or is a certain way now, doesn’t mean it’s going to stay that way. Often, in order for things to shift and change, we need to tap into accepting things as they are. Acceptance doesn’t mean that you have to like what’s happening, but it does require facing the reality of how things are…..for now. Acceptance has an organic way of allowing things to fall into place.
Face Your Fear
Generally speaking, if you practice facing fear regularly, meaning facing what’s a bit scary and uncomfortable on a daily basis, you’ll greatly grow in this life. Everyday we make choices and, often times, there will be decisions in your day where you have the opportunity to choose growth or stay in your comfort zone. It can be so hard to pick growth…..especially when we’re in a habit of being so comfy in our world. It’s like getting out of a warm, fabulous Cali kind bed on a cold winter’s day. It’s hard, yet it’s really beneficial to get up and face your day. Choosing the growth route is, often, not that enticing because we have to face our fear. Although, once you experience the energy that facing fear brings, you’ll see for yourself that it’s worth it. Challenging yourself really does awaken the spirit and that feels so good.
As complicated as this all can seem, it can be simple. Just as the seasons shift, it’s a shift in perspective that changes our emotions and invites less angst and discomfort when amongst the unknown of life. When fear, stress and discomfort fall away, we are left to enjoy and soak in what’s happening now.
*Above image taken by lifestyle & wedding photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Go Toward What Scares You (Tips to Work Through Fear)
Oh, fear, that thing that keeps us from what we really want. With the topic of fear coming up so often this week in the sessions with my clients, I feel moved to write about it today, so here it goes………
Fear is something we all have to face at one point or another. Some of us face it and conquer it more frequently than others. Like many things in life, the more you’re exposed to something and prove to yourself that you can “handle it,” the less “scary” it becomes.
Fear is no different.
If you live your life facing your fears, generally, you’re living a life full of taking more risks and chances without knowing how things are going to work out. The more you face fear and realize that it’s not as “scary” as your clever mind tricks you to think, the more momentum and strength you have to stand up to "fear" and do what feels true for you. When you feel and face your fears on the regular, the benefit is that more opportunities and options will come your way.
On the contrary, if you have a habit of turning away from what’s scary, that action breeds the natural consequence of having less options to pick from in the game of life. Fear can be super paralyzing. It can keep you frozen in a stagnant zone of your life. Fear keeps us bored. It leads us to feel stuck because when we're not facing something scary, we’re not going to live up to our full potential. Needless to say, this leaves us feeling unfulfilled.
You get what you give in life. Therefore, when you learn how to face scary and uncertain situations, you will be rewarded for doing so. The energy that you “put out there” will attract the result that you get back.
There seems to be a misperception that some of us are immune to fear. You may have heard someone be described as “fearless,” although, there is no such thing. The reality is that fear is a natural human emotion that we all feel and have the option to face at one point or another. When we learn to tolerate feeling fear and mindfully push it aside, while carrying on with what we want to do, we can conquer our fears. On the other hand, when fear overcomes us and swallows us up, it leaves us stuck, avoidant and leads us to live “smaller” than we’re meant to live.
I’m a HUGE believer that in order to get anywhere cool and rewarding in life, you have to do things that freak you out, scare you and make you uncomfortable. Straight up; discomfort equals growth. This concept can be counter intuitive because we’re taught early on that when something hurts or causes us pain, we should avoid it. (Sometimes, yes, this is true.) Although, with that said, I’m referring to pain that leads to growth and discomfort that leads to positive change.
This blog post is a reminder for, both me and you, to go straight toward things that are scary. There’s such big rewards in facing things that bring discomfort.
Keep me posted on what’s waiting for you on the other side of your fear. This is what I know for sure: It’s gonna be good.
* The above image was taken by San Diego based Lifestyle & Wedding photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
*Jewelry on model by Curated Collectibles. Instagram: @handmeetssky