What Is Hypervigilance? Learning to Let Go and Rest After High Stress
Living on High Alert
You know that feeling of being “on” all the time — scanning for what might go wrong, replaying what already has, or trying to anticipate what someone else might do next?
That’s hypervigilance.
It’s more than anxiety — it’s the nervous system’s way of staying ready in case danger returns. For many of us, that state started as protection. Over time, though, it becomes absolutely exhausting.
Hypervigilance shows up in my clients who overthink, ruminate, and chronically problem-solve — believing that if they stop, the bottom will fall out. It’s a fixed state where letting go feels like a freefall down a cliff. The body stays in fight-or-flight, nervous system revved, energy wired but drained.
What Is Hypervigilance, Really?
Hypervigilance is a heightened state of awareness where the body and mind stay alert for threat.
It often develops after long periods of high stress, unpredictability, or emotional instability — like growing up with emotionally immature parents, inconsistent caregivers, or walking on eggshells in unhealthy, demanding, or controlling relationships.
Common signs include:
Feeling constantly tense or “on guard”
Difficulty relaxing or resting
Overanalyzing people’s moods or tone
Trouble sleeping or “can’t shut my brain off”
Assuming the worst or expecting rejection
At its core, hypervigilance is the body saying: “I need to stay alert to stay safe.”
Fixation: The Mind’s Version of Hypervigilance
While the body stays tense, the mind often fixates.
We replay conversations, analyze what someone meant, or obsess about the next move.
Fixation is the brain’s attempt to gain control through thinking — “If I can just figure it out, I’ll feel safe.”
The problem? Fixation doesn’t create safety — it reinforces threat.
It tells the nervous system: We’re not done yet; keep scanning. Stay alert.
This shows up in clients who replay a text, situation, or conflict on repeat, without resolution. It becomes a chronic mental loop that feeds itself and becomes more ingrained and all consuming with more time and energy spent.
Physical Exhaustion and Hypervigilance
When your sympathetic nervous system is chronically activated (“fight or flight”), your body stays in a heightened state of readiness even when there’s no immediate danger. This can lead to:
Constant muscle tension
Fatigue that doesn’t improve with rest
Racing thoughts or inability to relax (restlessness)
Digestive, immune, or hormonal issues
Even if you’re “resting” physically, your body may still be in overdrive — exhaustion without relief.
Why Your Mind Keeps Spinning
Desire and focus on outcomes can unintentionally feed hypervigilance, because the brain treats uncertainty as a potential threat.
When you combine a strong desire for an outcome with constant scanning for “what could go wrong” or “when will this happen?”, your nervous system stays activated.
The result: mental tension and physical fatigue. You want rest, but your body and mind can’t fully enter it.
The Cycle
You want something, you desire something → hyperfocus develops
Hyperfocus keeps the nervous system on alert → physical exhaustion
Exhaustion fuels worry about energy or timing → stronger fixation
The cycle repeats
Let me remind you- there’s nothing “wrong” with you — it’s your body signaling that it needs true parasympathetic rest. Remember: rest is possible while still holding your goals in mind.
Signs This Is Happening
Feeling drained even after sleep or downtime
Racing thoughts about outcomes or “what ifs”
Restlessness paired with fatigue
Feeling that you “should” be doing something, but can’t summon the energy
This is often when clients tell me: “I’m stuck.” “I’m chasing my tail.” “I feel like giving up.”
The Cost of Living This Way
The tricky part is that hypervigilance and fixation feel productive at first. They give us a sense of purpose — of doing something.
But over time, they lead to:
Burnout and emotional fatigue
Insomnia or health issues
Relationship strain (others sense we’re on edge)
Self-blame and perfectionism
Difficulty feeling joy or presence
You can’t rest when your body still believes danger is near.
Why Letting Go Feels So Hard
If you grew up in chaos, around emotionally immature parents, or in unsupported or unpredictable environments, “letting go” can actually feel unsafe.
Rest and ease might feel foreign — even wrong.
Your nervous system learned that vigilance keeps you safe, so letting go feels like dropping your guard or “not trying hard enough.”
This is why so many people equate rest with laziness or quiet with emptiness. But healing begins when you soften your grip and gently teach your body that it’s safe enough to rest.
Hypervigilance can also emerge from other experiences where you had to stay alert to survive, such as:
Homes with conflict, criticism, or volatility
Emotionally inconsistent caregiving
Trauma or abuse (emotional, physical, or sexual)
Unstable or manipulative relationships
High-pressure or perfectionistic environments
Chronic stress or caretaking roles
Marginalization or systemic stress
Medical or health trauma
In all these situations, vigilance once served a purpose: it helped you anticipate and prevent harm.
The work now is helping your body learn that it’s safe enough to rest — that calm doesn’t have to be earned through control.
How to Begin Letting Go
Letting go isn’t about forcing calm — it’s about creating small moments where your body can stop bracing.
Try:
Micro-pauses: A single slow exhale before replying; feeling your feet on the ground; lowering your shoulders.
Name what’s happening: “My body’s scanning for danger again — thank you for the concern, but I’m safe now.”
Soften fixation: Write the thought down and tell yourself, “I’ll come back to it later.”
Nervous system resets: Short walks, stretching, warmth, water (i prefer salt), relaxing music.
Safe connection: Time with people, pets or in environments that help your body relax.
In my sessions, I often see that the first step to practicing rest is giving yourself permission to stop problem-solving. Allowing yourself to pause, breathe, and take a few “to-dos” off your calendar is how, over time, you can course-correct the constant go-go-go pattern.
Rest as Medicine
Redefine rest by realizing that rest isn’t a reward for healing — it’s part of the healing.
When you allow moments of rest, your body learns that vigilance isn’t needed every second. That’s how the nervous system relearns safety.
Rest doesn’t always mean sleep. It can mean:
Doing nothing for five minutes
Watching sunlight move across a wall
Taking a slow, intentional walk
Listening to soft sounds
Saying “no” to overstimulation
Rest is the antidote to fixation — a moment where you stop trying to manage life and simply let it unfold. It’s the practice of being, rather than doing.
In Summary
When you fixate, your mind and body tighten around an outcome — it becomes something you need, not something you’re simply open to. That tension blocks intuition, dulls awareness, and makes it harder to notice opportunities when they arise.
When you rest and let go, you’re not giving up your desire — you’re trusting it.
You’re saying, “I’ve planted the seed. Now I let life take care of the unfolding.”
Letting go isn’t apathy; it’s taking care of yourself by allowing relaxation and the pressure to “be off.”
Integration: From Survival to Presence
Healing hypervigilance isn’t about erasing alertness — it’s about reclaiming your right to feel safe in your own body.
Little by little, your system can learn that it’s okay to rest — that you can be aware without being afraid or on high alert.
*reflect: When was the last time you truly rested without guilt?
An Invitation For You
If this resonates with you:
Try one small rest ritual today.
Read more about Letting Go here or Emotionally Immature Parents here for deeper insight.
Subscribe to my IAMWELL newsletter here, comment on this post, or share your reflection: What helps you come down from hypervigilance? I’d love to hear.
Let’s stay connected. You can find me on Instagram at @IAMKIMEGEL
*Image by photographer, Renata Amazonas.
on letting go
”they asked her,
“what does letting go mean?”
she answered,
letting go does not mean erasing a memory or ignoring the past; it is when you are no longer reacting to the things that used to make you feel tense and you are releasing the energy attached to certain thoughts. it takes self-awareness, intentional action, practice, and time. letting go is the act of getting to know yourself so deeply that all delusions fall away.”
-Yung Pueblo from Clarity & Connection (I highly recommend this book!)
Q: How do you let go when you don’t know how to let go?
For some of us, it’s a skill that we don’t have to think that much about; We. Just. Let. Go. It’s a natural “knee jerk” reaction. This could be because of growing up with influences (like our parents) that naturally taught us to let go via example. Maybe in words. Maybe in actions, the point being that we had the very healthy example of non attachment, allowing and surrendering. All that is required with letting go.
And….drumroll….some of us did not have that example.
If you’re struggling with the process of letting go, this post is for you.
This read is for the person who tends to hold on real tight and suffers greatly when “things don’t go as planned” or feels “out of control.” A lack of flexibility and a constant need for control creates a lot of anxiety and stuck energy. “Stuck energy” will show up as a lack of flow and chronic frustration. Not “letting go” or (AKA) “not allowing” is usually partnered with a feeling that you will never get beyond the situation at hand.
This may or may not be conscious for the person who struggles with letting go, which is why my words present an opportunity for your self introspection. Pay attention to your unique relationship with the concepts of fear and control. Usually when we hold a lot of fear and find comfort in control, the act of letting go will be very difficult for us.
Our inability to let go can get physical:
When we suppress our feelings by ignoring them or burying them deep within, they cannot pass through and, therefore, remain stuck. A buildup of unprocessed emotions can manifest physically in our bodies: physical pressure across our bodies, specifically the back and neck. Some of the physical symptoms that you can experience are digestive issues, acne, achy joints, irritability, insomnia, headaches, to name some.
How to let go:
Instead of ignoring, escaping or blocking an emotion allow it to come up. (I know this is hard, especially for those of us who have created the habit of ignoring or avoiding our emotions.) The beginning of your healing journey toward letting go in a healthy way is to start allowing yourself to feel your emotions. Not selectively, but collectively. All of them. The good. The “bad” and the “ugly.” Accept them all for they all are screaming for a platform to be expressed and felt so they can feel heard and then settle in a peaceful way.
Be aware of false stories convincing you that “it’s better not to feel.”
Be aware of the rationalizations that the mind creates in an attempt to validate and defend negative feelings, “old stories” or stuck behaviors. We often have become very savvy at protecting ourselves from our difficult emotions, so we have set up some pretty convincing validation of why it’s better to avoid feeling or confronting our emotional world. (Again, this can be conscious or not.) *This is another opportunity for you to reflect on where you’re at with confronting or validating your specific emotions.
Questions to consider for journaling and reflection:
What events or feelings do you avoid thinking about?
What happens to you emotionally and physically when someone brings up a topic that is hard for you to talk about or think about?
How to allow an emotion to surface: (especially when it’s difficult) Just feel …….and feel ………..and feel until that emotion runs its course. Stay with it. Breath through it. Be with it and, eventually, with your commitment to feel, your patience to stay, it will pass friends. It will.
“Feelings are wordless.” To process feelings let the sensations or feelings come and go freely. Letting go is something that you can learn how to do if it’s a struggle for you. It does require your willingness and bravery to face the things, emotions and events that you have been avoiding or validating away.
My hope is for the above words and perspectives to help you grow and evolve. If you feel like you need more support with learning the skills to let go, feel free to reach out to me or check out this post on how to find an aligned mental health professional to help you with this process HERE.
* Above image is by Photographer, Renata Amazonas
Also, here’s the latest podcast that I was featured on. I was so happy to be on the @thoughtsmayvarypodcast. We cover the anxiety that can get created by over-intellectualizing, discovering our inner truths, how to build self trust and self worth and go over the mind, body connection. Check it out on any of the below platforms.
Listen on SPOTIFY / Listen on APPLE PODCASTS / Here’s the YOUTUBE
How to Let Go and Move On
A common way that we can get stuck in our lives is by investing in the illusion that the past “should’ve or could’ve” been different. Any time that we’re resisting what IS, we will feel stuck on some level. Although it can be difficult to do, chances are that you will find clarity and an unfolding of an answer by letting go.
Letting go of trying so hard. Letting go of the negative stories that are racing around and around in your head. Letting go of what you can’t control.
Just. Let. Go.
There may be many different stories, beliefs and ways of seeing things for you to let go of. In that case, a great place to start is with allowing the past to be exactly as it was; for worse or for better. Life will present us with all kinds of contrast, therefore if we continue to believe that circumstances “should of” and “could of” been different, we will be chronically stuck.
Let go of the illusion that life could have been any different. To free yourself from the past, believe that everything is happening in divine order. The past was and the present is as it should be.
Freedom and peace will come when we allow everything that has happened to just BE. Where we can focus our energy is on what we can create as the journey ahead of us unfolds. By taking inspired action and focusing on what we can do, little by little we will be led toward shift and change.
Cheers today to letting go. Sending good vibes your way as you move forward and create the change and shift you desire by letting go.
*Image above by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson