What Overthinking Does To Your Life (And How To Stop)
“A mind too active is no mind at all.” -Theodore Roethke
Although overthinking is something many of us do, it’s important to be aware of the negative impact it can have on our lives that can get swept under the rug and normalized.
Overthinking can feel like torture and, if chronic, can chip away at the quality of our lives. It can numb out joy and make us feel incredibly alone. It can create strain in our relationships or even cause them to destruct depending on the degree of our overthinking and assuming ways.
When overthinking becomes excessive, it’s often a consequence of being overly criticized as a child. Over thinking is a trauma response of having to analyze the environments and behaviors of others in order to feel accepted, keep the peace and feel comfortable as a child. Healing begins when we can acknowledge this inner child part of ourselves that is still on high alert in a continued attempt to feel safe. Healing occurs when we address this behavior of overthinking and do the work to attune the emotions that are causing our need to be hyper aware and overly vigilant.
What I’m going to do in this post is offer some insight and perspectives to help you become more aware of your over analyzing ways so you can heal these destructive thinking habits and work toward becoming more peaceful and present.
I specifically use the word “present” because “being present’ is on the opposite spectrum of overthinking. When we’re “in our heads” (overthinking) we’re absolutely not present. One main tool to combat overthinking is to find ways that help us to BE in the moment. This post is for you to discover and create ways to do just that.
Let’s jump right in and discuss 4 symptoms of overthinking.
1. You Feel Less Joy
When you’re overthinking you’re not in the present moment. This is based on the mere fact that you can’t be in two places at once. If you find yourself consistently forgetful about details of your environment and the people in it, chances are that you’re preoccupied with the world going on in your mind. If your goal is to be happy what I can tell you with 100% confidence is that you will not find happiness by overthinking. On the contrary, a racing mind repels happiness.
Here’s what else is important for you to know. Overthinking is a bad habit and habits can be changed. I know several people who I’ve worked with that believed that there was nothing that they could do about their overthinking because it “is just the way they are”
Not true, my friend.
You are not your overthinking. It’s not in control of you. (Unless you allow it to be.) It’s actually the opposite: Overthinking is a habit that you can get a handle on and as you do your life will change for the better.
2. Your Relationships Are Feeling Disconnected
Have you ever spent time with someone who was clearly not present?
It can be incredibly frustrating to be with someone whose truly not with you because they’re caught in the intricacies of their mind.
When you’re out and about in life and spending time within your relationships, but not really “there,” the level of connection, presence, bonding, authenticity and overall joy is compromised.
A healthy relationship requires two people to show up fully in order to play and engage with each other. This is merely impossible when one party (or both) is not present.
I understand that we’re not perfect beings and sometimes we might have a day when our mind is in LA LA land (normal.) However, if “checked out” becomes a consistent state, there’s more to look at here. Your relationships will be at stake if just fragments of you continue to show up within your connections.
3. You Chronically Feel Exhausted
It takes a lot of mental energy to overthink. Over time one of the main side effects of chronic overthinking is physical exhaustion. If you feel constantly exhausted without any sort of explanation to why it could be your racing mind that’s leading you to feel so drained.
4. You Can’t Sleep
This point is pretty straight forward. Your thoughts can be keeping you from initially getting to sleep or awaking you in the wee hours of the morning and sabotaging your ability to rest peacefully. As many of us may know, a lack of sleep leads to so many other issues.
Now that we’ve discussed some symptoms that are present when we’re in our heads, let’s look at 6 practices to help rewire our thinking patterns.
1. Engage with people that can help you rediscover your presence.
Having relationships in your life that guide you toward rediscovering your presence is priceless. The mere modeling of being on the other end of someone who knows how to tap into the present moment will, over time, shift you into a more present person yourself. (Reminder: We do become more like the people who we choose to be around consistently. Choose wisely. Their habits will become your habits over time.)
Look for these present people in your world, value them and hang around them as much as you can.
2. Focus on Facts Not Stories (This is a big one)
This one is pretty cut and dry. A fact is a fact. It’s “what is,” for worse or for better. A fact is the truth of what’s happening or what has happened; It’s not your assumption or story about it. A story is your creative twist and take on a situation, which is not a fact. (Phew! Got that?)
Becoming more savvy by distinguishing the difference between when you’re reacting based on your story vs. the fact of the matter will greatly silence your tendency to overthink.
3. Practice the Cognitive Behavioral Method of “Thought Stopping” (With Acknowledgment of Your Emotionality)
Finding awareness of when you begin to “go down the rabbit hole” with looping thoughts, rumination and overthinking is key to thought stopping. What I’m doing in session with my clients who overthink is modeling thought stopping by guiding them away from their unhealthy habit of creating story. I do this by identifying the emotion (commonly anxiety or fear) leading the overthinking and proceed to shut down the “story” that they’ve created, which is driving their looping thoughts. It’s as if I’m picking out weeds from the grass. I’m picking out what we need to work through (the emotion) while ditching the false story, which is often what’s creating the discomfort and pain.
We usually are reacting more from our fear and story of what might be, rather than what actually is.
As you learn to do this with yourself, over time you will stop getting into destructive thinking loops that lead you to nowhere and you will learn to disengage from your assumptions. You will have so much more time for what is pleasant and true when your awareness increases around your ruminating habits. Discover more details about the thought stopping process here.
4. Move your body
In order to be a healthy person, finding a way to be active and get your blood pumping is a must. There’s very few things that I’m ever going to tell you is a must, and this is one of them. Through movement and breath we can help difficult emotions and stress “push through” our system. Without movement we become stagnant and stuck and start holding onto hard emotions that can literally make us sick. Move your bodies friends. It’s huge.
5. Get Curious/ Get Away From What You Know
Whether it’s an intentional trip to a different part of your town that’s unexplored, a weekend trip somewhere new or traveling outside of the country, please go toward the unknown. This is important because when we go toward our curiosity, we simultaneously go away from our routine and what we know. Our presence is required when we’re not familiar with our surroundings, which automatically gets us out of our heads and into our lives.
6. Find Some Healthy Distractions
Find ways to engage in activities that help your mind focus such as crossword puzzles, a game of chess, reading, engagement in a good film, etc. These activities are like mind aerobics and help focus your mind on something that squashes the tendency to ruminate, loop or overthink. Our brains need to exercise too.
All and all, the biggest take away that I want you to know is that you can do something about your overthinking. If your mind has a hold of you, this is not the way you have to keep living your life. You are not stuck. Finding relief from overthinking is a matter of finding the right “tools.” With awareness, practice, a desire for change and the commitment to “do the work,” over time you will find relief from your hyper analyzing ways.
If you feel like you need more guidance toward combating your negative thinking habits there’s many different ways to search for a therapist and find the right “fit” for you. Check out my post on How to Find the “Right” Therapist for more pointers toward a successful search. Also, feel free to reach out to me with any questions or direction. I’m happy to help.
You can find this article published on @themindsjournal HERE.
Find my youtube video on overthinking HERE.
*Above image is a joint collaboration by Renata Amazonas Photography & Ashley WIlliams Photography.
Why Dwelling Could Be Ruining Your Life (Tips to Change)
Ruminating, dwelling, worrying, regretting….you know all that warm and fuzzy stuff that makes you feel oh so amazing.
Kidding.
Let’s get on with it and talk about why the constant looping of worry and anxiety that dwelling creates is just no good while covering ways to stop the suffering.
…. Here. We. Go.
The term dwelling is defined as, “to think or talk about something for a long time.” Sounds innocent, right?
Well, when that “something” is a painful or difficult experience that we can’t seem to let go of and it continues to race around in our minds day after day, it’s actually pretty harmful to our mental health.
We can get lost in dwelling upon something, whether it be a person whom we lost, a situation that “didn’t go as planned,” and ultimately, we can dwell on believing that we’re living a life that’s just “not working out.”
When we’re stuck in this way of thinking, no matter how many good things come our way, we won’t be able to see them clearly. Even if we do see the light at the end of the tunnel, it will be a struggle to be open to “new” possibilities with our tainted lenses. This is so because when we’re stuck dwelling, we don’t have enough capacity to latch onto the fresh and good things that appear. Our heart space is way too cluttered from all the madness that’s going on up above in our heads. (Are you seeing how this can be a bigger problem than originally thought? I hoped so.)
One can destroy their life by constant dwelling. That sounds dramatic, but it’s true.
Wherever you are in your head, meaning however you believe things to be, aka: your perspective, is what’s going to dictate the quality and reality of your life.
Your energy is created from within. What you exude via your energetic field, is what will be felt by others. Your energy, your essence, is the material that everyone and everything will be working off of. It has a specific vibe, for worse or better, every time you interact with another.
Have you ever been in a really good mood, then met up with a friend who was having a bummer day and immediately your energy plummeted?
If you’ve ever had this experience, this is exactly what I’m referring too when I talk about “your energy” shifting based on what comes into your experience and how you interpret it. What “energy” we bring to each day is the main factor in how we’re received by people and life itself.
Let’s talk about how we can eliminate our ability to dwell via mind control. I like the term, mind control, because it’s not some fancy psychological term that’s confusing to understand. It’s exactly what it sounds to be. The art of controlling your mind. There’s energetics, science and a practice to mind control.
*If you’re interested in hearing more information on this topic, check out a powerful PODCAST about this topic with Dr. Joe Dispenza & Lacy Phillips
I often get questions from my clients such as, “How do I stop my worrying? How do I stop lopping?
I got you. First, let’s go over three foundational steps for you to be aware of and to practice in order to combat the “monkey mind” and, ultimately heal your hurt. The healing of deep wounds is what will truly bring peace to your heart and stop the surface symptoms, which present as anxiety, worry and constant dwelling.
Take the below in because it’s presented so simply, yet it is “the work” that’s required in order to be free from the chronic loud and busy mind.
1. You must let the pain visit.
2. You must allow it to teach you.
3. You must not allow it to overstay.
— Ijeoma Umebinyuo, 3 Routes to Healing
Easier said than done, I know. However, this is a practice that will require your patience, as the process of gaining more control of your mind will take time, especially if there’s a solid habit of dwelling. Pain is uncomfortable, yet, if you can bare it and see it through, then it can pass. If you don’t take the time to feel your pain, heal it and get past it; Your pain will be your ghost, my friend. Let’s not allow this to be.
Here are 2 Tips to Help You Eliminate Dwelling
1. Practice Focused Attention
What is “focused attention?” In a nutshell, focused attention is the brain's ability to concentrate its attention on a target stimulus for any period of time. With practicing focused attention we can begin to be more conscious of where we allow our minds to go. When we dwell we usually end up at that really miserable, spun out place where we proceed to go down the rabbit hole of intrusive and looping thoughts.
As we consciously pay attention to our thoughts, actions and behaviors and bring them back to a balanced position, we are teaching ourselves to eliminate the mental looping by practicing mind control. You might need to refocus yourself 10 or 100 times before you feel any sort of difference. If you hang in there, it’s just a matter of time that you’ll notice less worry, less ruminating and less dwelling.
2. Dwelling vs. Being Pro Active
There’s a major difference between dwelling vs. being proactive, so let’s define what the difference is?
When we’re pro active, we’re actively looking for positive solutions. Even if there’s a big fat problem looking at us in the face, a pro active approach is where we utilize positive problem solving skills. On the other hand, dwelling is where we ruminate on “the problem.” We might keep saying one liners about “how horrible” it (the issue) is without any sort of optimistic solution or end. Dwelling keeps us stuck and leads us to feel like we’ll never find relief. Dwelling also tends to support “worst case scenario thinking,” which is very self deprecating in itself.
Keep your eye on the prize and remember that there's always a way out. There’s always another sunny day. There’s always a solution, whether you can see it from where you’re standing or not. Trust friends. Keeping a trusting heart will help you think more pro actively in general.
Cheers. I hope this post was helpful and supportive for you. Thank you for reading.
-xx, kim
*Image by Photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
10 Ways to Stop Over Thinking
With instant gratification becoming the new normal and life busier than ever, our ability to over think and stress out is at an all time high. The monkey mind is a buddhist term referring to the unsettled and restless state that the human mind can get stuck in. I, myself, am a self defined over thinker, which is a behavior that causes me so much unneeded suffering. I logically know that circling around in my head about the what if’s and future trippin on made up situations is not going to help. Despite my awareness, it remains a challenge for me to stop my racing mind once it gains momentum.
With that said and knowing over thinking all too well, here are some tips that are my personal “go to’s” when that little over analyzing beast inside begins to act up.
Understand It
“Know thy enemy,” right? Straight up, over thinking is a symptom of high anxiety. Anxiety is a symptom of living in the future. When you realize that your anxiety is over taking you, chances are that you’re stressing out and worrying about something that may or might not happen in the future. Realize that over thinking is the ego’s defense mechanism. In a sense, your worry is “trying” to protect you. With understanding that it’s doing the exact opposite, this can help you get a hold on your worry so it can lessen and eventually stop. This will lead you to a much more peaceful now. Awareness is always the first step.
Let Go of Resistance
Over thinking becomes a problem when we’re in resistance to our thoughts. Anything that we resist in life we make stronger because of our added focus to “the problem.” It’s a big buzz phrase in psychology that “whatever we resist persists.” Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care, it allows the situation to be what it is so it can naturally pass through. When we’re high in our resistance we naturally and without thought don’t allow something to pass without a struggle. Think of clenching your stomach on a rollercoaster or tensing your muscle before a shot at the doctor. Both of these actions will create more difficulty and strain. You have to relax and loosen in order to allow experiences to come and go or they will remain blocked and stuck.
Check Your Focus
Whatever you focus on grows stronger. Be mindful on what you’re focusing on and be aware that your area of focus is a choice. Chances are that if you’re over thinking, you’re focusing on what could go wrong vs. what can go right. Check yourself by switching your focus toward the positive outcome vs the outcome of doom and gloom.
Get Perspective
Your perception is always responsible for your over thinking. With that being the case, if you work on changing your perspective you will find relief. Here are some ways of thinking that might help your racing mind:
Trust something bigger than you.
Realize that you can only control and do so much.
Other forces are at play to help assist you.
The world is working on your behalf.
It’s not all falling on you to figure it out.
Check your Diet
If you tend to have high anxiety and worry, pay attention to what you’re putting into your body. For example caffeine and alcohol are known to intensify feelings of anxiety and worry. A plant based diet, lots of water, exercise and frequent emersions in nature are known to lessen your level of anxiety. Also, pay attention to you and your body. Nobody is ever going to be able to feel and understand what you’re going through physically, emotionally and mentally but you. Do your best to pay attention in order to figure out the particular activities, habits and foods that work best for you.
Keep Good Company
Surround yourself with people who think less and enjoy more. Be mindful of relationships that are continually dumping their anxious thoughts and perspectives onto you. We are influenced by who we spend our time with. Therefore, pay attention to the mindsets and vibrational frequency of the people that you spend a lot of your time with.
Get Into Your Body
Practice total body awareness by doing things that help you to get out of your head and into your body. When you have to focus on a physical skill, you automatically have to shift your mind focus to your body. This is why sports and getting physical is such a great practice. You quiet the mind by tapping into the body. You can do this in any way that lights you up. Find out what your physical outlets are and go toward them as often as you can.
Get Zen
Taking up a practice in mindfulness meditation can help you constantly be in the here and now. Getting quiet and tuning into the aspects of your inner workings will help you to move into your heart space. Entering into your heart space is where surrender and acceptance live. Within your heart space you will naturally stop trying and start allowing.
Accept What Is
You don’t have to like it, although if you want to feel peaceful, you do have to find acceptance for it. We all hear that it’s not what happens, rather, it’s how we respond to what happens that makes or breaks us. The first place to find and practice acceptance is with your own self. Accepting who you are, where you are and what is happening around you will allow you to move forward with more grace and ease.
Be Grateful
Be grateful for all the things already in your life that you are content with. Appreciation breeds more things to be appreciative for. Get your rose colored glasses on and see the beauty in things and people rather than the grey. Realize the gifts that you already have and the gifts that are already in your life. Practice counting your blessings instead of your failures. Be thankful.
I believe that over thinking is a habit that is one of the biggest thieves of happiness. If you’re stuck in your head, you can’t simultaneously enjoy the present. This is torture. I know that I’ve been in amazing settings with amazing people, trapped in my mind. Realize that over thinking doesn’t change anything; only actions do. Drop the judgement of what you think needs to happen to feel happy and practice being with what is happening while acting on your inspiration. In the most simple of terms, this is how to live a more peaceful life.
*Image by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.