Honing A Growth Mindset (A Major Mental Health Hack)
The further I proceed along my personal growth journey; the more I realize how mindset is everything.
Lately, I keep circling back to the most simple of concepts in the world of psychology. There are new fancy names for old school psychological theories and practices providing material for in trend and eye catching branding, yet when it comes down to it; I like to lead with the powerful, simple truths.
I’m not fancy. I can promise you that I will always do my best to lead with truth and I ask you to call me out if I ever show up any other way but raw & real.
Lets get into exploring the power of a growth mindset so you can make any nips & tucks to your mindset in order to thrive and carry on in the way you truly desire.
What is a growth mindset?
A growth mindset is a concept popularized by Stanford professor and psychologist Carol Dweck. It’s the belief that our abilities, intelligence and what’s possible can be developed through dedication, effort, hard work and learning.
It’s a mindset that focuses on an internal locus of control. This means that we believe that we have a lot of control in terms of the changes and results that we can get from our life via the actions that we take, the persistence that we embody & the beliefs and mindset that we choose. A growth mindset is grounded by a belief that life could be better (and will be) as you take the actions to change your experience.
In simple terms; A growth mindset believes that your abilities can be developed through effort and learning.
So, what’s the opposite of a growth mindset?
What is a fixed mindset?
A fixed mindset is the opposite of a growth mindset. This way of thinking is limited and fixed based on what you believe to be your natural abilities. With a fixed mindset you tend to shy away from making effort and doing the hard work because you believes that if you don’t naturally embody it; you shy away from the challenge or hard work to attain it.
In a nutshell; it’s the thought that : “If I don’t have the natural ability; why try?” This thought is so because you see your abilities to be fixed.
With a fixed mindset; you’re limited in believing that your growth is based on your innate capabilities, which you believe to be unchangeable. Those with a fixed mindset tend to avoid challenges and see failure as a reflection of their inherent limitations.
You can see how this can lead to a big old train wreck of many missed chances and opportunities because of the cap that you’re putting on your own capabilities.
Let’s say it straight: A fixed mindset is the belief that abilities, intelligence, and talents are static traits that cannot be developed. This mindset likes to give a lot of credit to your talent; believing that talent alone determines success. With beliievng this to be true, you naturally put in less effort to improve or create change in your life.
How a Fixed Mindset Will Limit You:
1. Limited Growth and Development
People with a fixed mindset avoid challenges because they fear failure. This leads to complacency and stagnation.
2. Increased Fear of Failure
A fixed mindset makes failure very personal. Individuals see failure as a reflection of their abilities rather than an opportunity to grow & expand their skills.
This fear of failure leads to decreased risk-taking and innovation.
3. Avoidance of Challenges
With a fixed mindset individuals tend to stick to what they know rather than trying new things.
This results in missed opportunities for personal and professional growth.
4. Negative Self-Perception
Never trying anything new doesn’t allow you the space to prove to yourself that : YOU. CAN. DO. HARD. THINGS. This leads to the dangerous belief that you are incapable, leading to feelings of inadequacy and low self worth.
When you don’t feel of high value you tend to take criticism more personally instead of constructively.
5. Difficulty in Relationships and Collaboration
How we feel about ourselves has everything to do with how we show up and respond within our relationships. Our ability to communicate effectively will be compromised with a negative self-perception.
6. Reduced Resilience
Challenging yourself will be limited with the mindset that if your not naturally gifted; you might as well not try. This leave you less resilient and not really up for a challenge.
Now; let’s get into the good stuff. It seems pretty obvious to me that the way to aim is toward cultivating a growth mindset.
Here are 7 science-backed benefits and key traits of having a growth mindset:
1. You’re More Resilient, Persistent & Motivated
Research shows that taking on a growth mindset increases resilience, perseverance and motivation by encouraging individuals to focus on overall improvement vs. specific performance goals. When the focus is on effort and development (on becoming better) we have a greater inner desire to learn and grow.
2. You’re Better At Problem-Solving
Our ability to think in creative and expansive ways increases with a growth mindset. A growth mindset allows us to think and challenge the limited constructs and standard conventional thinking of our world.
This is where innovation, new ideas and fresh perspectives live.
3. You Have Less Fear of Failure
With a growth mindset, failure is viewed as a learning experience rather than a lack of one’s abilities, allowing for more risk taking. Failure is aligned with an ability to take chances and expand one’s comfort zone rather that a knock on your personal abilities and sense of self.
This allows for less fear and anxiety around taking chances which leads to more self expansion & growth, which tends to expose and unleash your unlimited potential.
4. You Have Better Relationships
A study in Psychological Science by Yeager et al. (2013) found that individuals with a growth mindset were more likely to maintain positive relationships. These individuals where found to address conflicts constructively, as they believed that they could work through differences and improve their interpersonal skills.
When it comes to relationships, when we have a growth mindset we believe that relationships can evolve positively over time with effective communication and effort.
5. You’re More Self-Efficient & Confident
A growth mindset is all about learning and growing. Proving to ourselves that we can do hard things and learn new skills provides us with the self confidence to face new, unknown challenges. It allows us to go toward fear because we are continuously working the muscle of tolerating challenge and discomfort. When we practice proving to ourselves that we can get through and handle uncomfortable situations we increase our self confidence.
To say it straight: people with a growth mindset are more likely to set challenging goals, work hard to achieve them, try new things and bounce back from setbacks.
6. Your Mental Health is Better
Adopting a growth mindset allows us to combat feelings of learned helplessness, which is when an individual continuously faces a negative, uncontrollable situation and stops trying to change their circumstances, even when they have the ability to do so.
When challenges arise; a person with a growth mindset asks:
“What is this challenge here to teach me?”
vs
“Why is this challenge happening to me?”
Taking on a growth mindset helps us generally believe that hardships come and are sprinkled with life lessons. This leads us to view our struggles as opportunities for personal development vs. disasters trying to take us down.
remember; whatever you believe to be true; is true.
7. You Embrace Change
Embracing change and new situations is a skill set that you spend a lot of time conditioning with a growth mindset. You practice gently pushing yourself to experience positive change & new things because you know that those skills will help you to grow & expand. You realize that more opportunities for growth, a life fulfilled and self expansion live outside your comfort zone.
Do You Have A Growth or Fixed Mindset?
(questions to help you evaluate your mindset)
do you try to look more talented or smarter than others?
do you avoid challenges that could show any lack of natural talent?
do you tend to attribute success to natural ability rather than your hard work, persistence or effort?
do you think that needing to work harder than others means your less talented in comparison to them?
*If you answered yes to any of these questions; you may want to do some work on honing more of a growth mindset.
Final thoughts & story telling time
Success often comes from struggle, facing and overcoming hardship and challenges. Here’s a story of grit & persistence to really lock my point in.
A Story of Persistence and Success
Ed Sheeran is a singer/song writer who began his music journey as a teenager, performing at small gigs. In 2008, with just a backpack and guitar he moved to London,; playing in small venues and often sleeping on friends’ couches or on the streets when he had nowhere to stay.
After efforts to break into the music industry followed by rejections from record labels, he continued his persistence toward his dream by building his fan base through YouTube and social media. His breakthrough moment came in 2010 when he flew to Los Angeles without any sort of plan or connections and played at open mic nights. It was then that he caught the eye of actor and musician Jamie Foxx, who offered him his recording studio.
From there, in 2011, his career launched as he created and released an independent Collaborations Project, which gained online popularity and led to a record deal with Atlantic Records.
As you may or may not know; Ed Sheeran is a thing; he is a world renowned musician.
So there you have it; those of us who are able to believe in ourselves, face the challenges, the rejection, the struggle thrive. Persistence does pay off my friends. Some of us just quit too soon to see our dreams or wants pay off. If we keep going strong, something has to eventually catch us, right?
Why not believe this to be true?
I’ll never forget a moment in my life when I was at a cross roads and happened to sit by “the right” person on a plane ride to Big Island, Hawaii in my mid twenties. He was around my age and was going back to Hawaii to “see about a girl” (one of my favorite lines from Good Will Hunting) whom he had quickly & briefly fallen for weeks prior and was heading back to the islands to take a chance on love and risk putting his heart “out there” to see what could happen. (I sometimes wonder what happened to him and them.)
His ability to step into the unknown, be vulnerable and pursue where his heart wanted to be inspired me then and still does today when I think about that plane ride. It also makes me think of this quote:
“Leap and the net will appear.” – John Burroughs
So there you have it friends; hard work, courage, persistence, motivation, self confidence, raw & true belief in yourself, grit, mental strength, thinking outside the box; these are traits that can be honed with desire, patience and practice.
I believe in you; do you believe in yourself? I hope you do.
If not, I will believe in you, until you have the want or courage or what have you to believe in yourself.
Thanks for reading. Until next time.
An Invitation For You
If this resonates with you:
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*Blog Image by Photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
10 Small Wellness Habits That Will Lead to Big Change
Truth: You are what you do repeatedly.
“More precisely, your habits are how you embody your identity. When you make your bed each day, you embody the identity of an organized person. When you write each day, you embody the identity of a creative person. When you train each day, you embody the identity of an athletic person.” ……. “Your identity is literally your repeated beingness.”
-James Clear (Atomic Habits)
With that said, let’s get right into and go over 10 small habits that you can cultivate that, with commitment and patience, will lead to a big inner world & lifestyle shift for you.
Morning Journaling/ Time & Space for Reflection & Inner Peace
Beginning your day with time and space for self exploration, intention setting, get grounded and avoiding rushed or anxious energy is so important. It sets the tone for your day, and overtime, will set the tone for how you show up energetically in your life.
Meditation: I know, it’s almost like this is what I’m “supposed to say” because it’s what we hear all the time when it comes to the world of wellness: “meditate, meditate, meditate.”
I agree and believe with my everything that a practice, such as meditation, where the point is to quiet your mind is key to an expanded, more clarified Self. Especially today where our world is so externally loud. It’s way too easy to get caught up in the buzz of what’s truly non essential when we neglect to have a practice that encourages us to connect with Self.
Meditation doesn’t need to look like what you may think it does; sitting in agony with a racing, non stop mind. It was said that Bruce Lee did “active” moving meditations, so if you need to start with that, please do. Try walking meditations, where you can use your breath and rhythm to help focus your mind. Take Away: Just start some sort of practice that grounds you. It really is a game changer.
Stretching
Stretching can be under rated. Here’s why it should never be:
First off, stretching provides time where we can just BE while engaging and connecting with our body. Asking questions such as: Where am I tight? How does that stretch feel? Helps us connect and get in tune with our physical bodies. Holding long stretch positions while integrating breath work is a holistic practice that is beneficial for the mind, body, soul connection.
Workouts in Nature vs. Artificial Environments
Bear with me gym lovers.
I’m not saying that you “shouldn’t” ever go to a gym, but I am encouraging you to switch it up every now and then with a workout in nature. There’s an unspoken healing element that nature has. It’s quiet and impactful.
Meal Prepping
What you put in your “gas tank” will translate into how good you feel energetically, physically and mentally. It’s huge. Yes, it does take time to be a healthy person and live a healthy lifestyle. Taking the time to pick and prep whole foods that energize you is communicating many things: It’s telling the universe that you care about your mental and physical wellbeing. It’s a gesture of self love that will help you to feel good inwardly and outwardly. Ultimately, It feels good to BE healthy and do healthy things.
Reduce/ Eliminate Alcohol
I’m not here to tell you how to live your life. I’m certainly not here to tell you whether you should or shouldn’t drink alcohol. Do as you choose.
However, I will be authentic with saying that, I know for me, when my alcohol intake is fewer and far between and more intentional, I feel way better in my body and mind. When it’s not, I truly feel like crap. This is just encouragement for you to check in with the substance of alcohol and encourage you to be authentic on finding an appropriate balance that feels “right” for you.
Being More Intentional About the Health of Your Inner Dialogue (Self Talk)
The health of your self talk is a huge factor in your overall wellness. The tone, the amount of criticism, love and care and the level of empathy and rigidity all affects how you feel about yourself and show up in this world.
Bottom line: Be intentional and mindful of how you speak to yourself.
Instead of TV, Choose An Activity Where You’re Learning & Expanding Your Mind
I can’t tell you enough, how this shift is changing my world. Please; don’t hear me wrong; I get it, after a long day of work you want something mindless; I hear you. I do too. Once in awhile : Go For It!
However, when “mindless” tv and numbing out in front of the screen becomes your habit, something else is being established. The nights that I have (at first forced myself to) pick up a book, or practice the ukulele, or chose a depthful, connecting chat with a good friend, over screen time, has filed my soul in a healthier way than watching The Bachelorette could ever do.
Honoring Your Boundaries
Boundaries are everything. If you haven’t come to that record scratch moment in your life where this has clicked and become all too clear than I’m here to help you get the message now rather than later. The boundaries that we hold for ourself align with our self respect and level of self love. We are communicating so much when we lack the ability to hold space and time for the things that are important to us. Establishing healthy boundaries will change everything for you. (More on boundaries HERE)
Breath Work / Visualizing
I put these two together, however they’re, separately, very powerful and impactful wellness practices that deserve individual attention. Starting a practice such as breath work or visualizing can take your self growth to another level. These practices can help you tap into inner subconscious knowing that will expand your version of self. There’s so many fun and adventurous ways to explore these two avenues these days; cold plunges, sound healing groups, infrared sauna time, breath work courses, breath work techniques like 4-7-8 breathing or box breathing method.
Take time to explore what these practices can do for you and your connection with Self.
Cheers to you my friends. As always, I appreciate you & thank you for reading.
*Above image by photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Self Trust: Why It's So Important & Practices to Build It
Trust is a fragile thing. Once broken can it fully be repaired?
There are some lines that some may cross, which are too much for us to bear. Someone compromising our trust is one thing; however, when we compromise the trust that we hold with ourselves, problems begin to appear in our lives.
How much you trust yourself dictates how much others will trust you. This impacts how everything pans out in your life.
Pause. Take that in. Allow it to resonate; Deeply.
It’s common for us to pay a lot of attention to our external relationships, which, no doubt are incredibly important. However, the relationship we hold with ourself is The Ultimate. The level of trust and respect that we have for ourself is dictating everything.
Our language and the words we speak highlight the relationship that we have with ourself. Being intentional about the words we say, both internally and externally, can shift our lives. When we’re consistently clear, intentional and respectful with our words, we build a level of self trust that creates a strength of character that’s invaluable.
The truth is, every time that you say you’re going to do something and you don’t follow through with your word, you chip away at the relationship that you hold with yourself. Meaning, you become, little by little, out of alignment with your truth.
Just as if someone outside of you wasn’t clear or “of their word,” when you’re inconsistent and don’t do what you say, you compromise a trusting, healthy relationship with You. Over time, if you keep incongruent words and actions up, you’ll stop believing your words and ability to act, which is a huge problem.
It’s bigger than big problem. It’s something to greatly pay attention to: Your accountability with and to your own Self.
Once self trust is broken or compromised, there’s a myriad of negative effects that will result: Low self concept, low confidence, self doubt, feelings of inferiority, scarcity about life and what you can accomplish; the list goes on and it’s not pretty.
Unclear, vague language keeps us stuck. False negative stories that we hold about ourself keeps us stuck. Both of these things keeps us “in the struggle.” (no thank you) It keeps us complaining. It keeps us small. It keeps us from living to our full potential. It keeps our confidence at bay. It keeps us doubting our capabilities.
There’s no need for this when intentional words and healthy thoughts, beliefs and stories can take the place.
We choose our language. We choose our beliefs, whether it feels like we do or not. At the end of the day; It’s our choice. This can be hard to see and accept, but the acknowledgement and acceptance of that fact can change your life.
It’s not necessary to suffer the consequences of unclear language when you can hone the art of being direct and clear. Your relationship with Self will begin to be cleared up by becoming more intentional about two main items:
The thoughts, beliefs and words you say internally (the quality of your self talk, what personal limits and beliefs you hold)
What you say externally to yourself and others via your conversations and comments.
Below is an example of how you can begin to clarify and correct your language.
Practice to Increase Self Trust: Use Clarifying Language
from: I can’t
to: I don’t or I choose not to
“I can’t drink tonight because I’m on a 30 day cleanse.” to “I’m choosing not to drink this month.” or “I don’t drink anymore.”
from: probably or maybe
to: I will
“I probably will make it to the party.” to “I will make it to the party.”
from: I have to
to: I choose too/ I get to
“I have to go to my friends event.” to “I get to go to my friends event.”
from: I don’t know
to : I’ll figure it out
“I don’t know what to do about my business.” to “I’ll figure out with time what to do about my business.”
As you begin to speak differently, both internally and externally, you will organically begin to shift your relationship with your (Self.) Think of a friend that starts talking to you with more kindness, love, patience and care. It would impact and shift your friendship for the better.
It’s truth. It’s not complicated. Don’t complicate it. Free yourself and suffer much less by clarifying your language.
The big, overarching shift is your acknowledgment and ownership of your words, actions and how you’re showing up, first and foremost, to your own self and then to others and the world.
Today’s Practice: Be mindful of your self talk as well as how you talk externally with others. Watch your inner dialogue. Witness it. Be the observer and see what you discover about the health of your language. If you notice it can be corrected with more kind and loving tones, be intentional about shifting it. Over time you can shift your relationship with yourself by changing your words, tone and becoming more intentional and clear.
Much love friends. As always, thanks for reading.
*Images by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson for @worn_culture.
What's Your Emotional Weapon? (Unpacking Defense Mechanisms)
My younger self used the emotional weapon of punishment. My punishment was silent. My quiet judgement and blocked off heart couldn’t be seen or heard, but it was.
This “punishing” behavior was extremely unconscious on my part, although, if i think back to my earlier relationships, particularly with men, I see how when I was hurt or disappointed, I punished.
Like so many of us, my claws came out when I was hurt, in pain and let down.
I cringe writing that, however it’s the truth.
The truth sometimes, and often, is not pretty, is uncomfortable and can make you feel the ick. I own this past aspect of my behavior and choose to expose it, for it’s a reminder of my growth, imperfection and journey.
Punishing is what I knew. It’s what was done to me; so it’s what I did to others. Isn’t that how it goes?
So often it is; we do to others, what was done to us.
Punishment is not a “defense mechanism” that I listed below, however it’s mine to speak of and, in this space with this particular topic, worth mentioning. I had a parent that I watched “punish” others when they felt wronged by ignoring, silent treatment, shaming, criticism, etc.
I still have to be mindful and aware of my initial response when i feel disappointment because, as we all know, old habits die hard. These days my response to feeling disappointment and hurt shows up as withdrawing and isolating. It’s shifted to more of a “self punishment” rather than an outward one. That’s the defense mechanism that I have to keep my eye on.
*Journal Prompt: What’s your defense mechanism? What do you need to keep your eye on? What do you do when you’re treated unfairly or get results from life that brings up undesirable feelings?
Defense mechanisms are ways that we, either consciously or not, have learned to protect ourselves from psychological harm. The problem is that, often, they are negative ways of coping that we developed in our younger years by modeling behavior of what was done to us. Defensive behaviors also result as ways to cope with hard feelings when we’re not emotionally or mentally equipped to know or do any different.
It takes awareness to be intentional and choose a healthy response when we’re dealing with hard circumstances. It takes emotional intelligence to handle things in a healthy way if we were never taught to do so. It takes emotional intelligence and a healthy amount of self awareness to handle life and all the challenges and feelings it exposes us too; Period.
Food for Thought: Defense mechanisms that come out more intensely in our adulthood could point to unhealed insecurities from our childhood.
Let’s go over some common defense mechanisms that we might use to cope that can be causing havoc in our lives and relationships. *Note: We’re all human and, most likely have times when defensive behaviors arise. In this particular post, I’m not speaking to the human condition of having a bad day and having a moment where a behavior that’s doesn’t highlight your best self temporarily overtakes you.
In this post I’m speaking to when the way you’re consistently responding to life, via your defensive behaviors, is causing harm. When these behaviors and forms of protection become tools for how you handle your uncomfortable feelings consistently, that’s when there’s something to reflect and shine a light on.
11 Common Defense Mechanisms
Denial: Refusing to acknowledge real facts or circumstances that lead to anxiety or unpleasant emotions. Denial can also involve altering the meaning of an event so that its impact is diverted and denied. Example: If something important to you goes wrong, in order to cope, you might twist reality by convincing yourself that “you just don’t care.”
Projection: Attributing a threatening urge, impulse, or aspect of oneself to someone else. Projection is a way of putting your unpleasant feelings or circumstances onto another. For example, instead of acknowledging that you’re mad at someone, you may accuse the other of being mad at you.
Rationalization: Justifying or validating a mistake or problem with logic and reasoning. Creating an acceptable but incorrect explanation of a situation. An attempt to validate an action, behavior or truth into something it’s not.
Intellectualization: Thinking about something logically, coldly and without emotion. It’s where intricate thinking is used to avoid uncomfortable feelings.
Avoidance: Avoiding handling a problem by non acknowledgment. With avoidance, you’ll dismiss any uncomfortable or negative thoughts or feelings without trying to understand them. You might also avoid people or places that make you feel uncomfortable.
Repression: Blocking difficult thoughts from your conscious awareness. Keeping a thought, feeling, or memory of an experience out of consciousness. It’s the “forget about it” approach. Things such as forbidden desires, painful or emotionally difficult situations could be what you would repress.
Reaction formation: Doing the opposite of what you would really like to do. Example: Going out of your way to be nice to someone you really disliked?
Regression: Returning to an earlier or more childlike form of defense. Physical and psychological stress may sometimes lead people to abandon their more mature self and defense mechanisms. Example: Whining in a childlike manner on a first date would be a display of regression.
Displacement: Substituting aggression with a substitute object. Example: being frustrated with your dad, so you’re mean to your girlfriend.
Compartmentalization: Separating components of your life into different detached catagories in order to avoid conflicting emotions. Seeing aspects of your life as separate verses a cohesive whole of what your life is and who you are. Example: “Whatever happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico.”
Compensation: The act of overachieving in one area to compensate for failure in another. “This psychological strategy allows people to disguise inadequacies, frustrations, stresses, or urges by directing energy toward excelling or achieving in other areas. While it can be beneficial at times, it can also cause problems when it is overused or misapplied.” (verywellmind)
Healing Defensive Coping
Learn & develop healthy coping skills: Examples could be establishing more effective ways to communicate, committing to regular exercise, establishing healthy boundaries, engaging in a consistent yoga or meditation practice or evolving your level of self awareness and growth.
Seek therapy: Having an environment that encourages and supports your personal growth can help you identify and shift any negative behaviors and ways of coping that you might be doing.
Increase your level of self awareness: As you increase your level of self awareness you will increase your awareness of any behaviors that you might be doing that are unhealthy or negatively impacting your life and relationships.
As always, so much of “the work” when it comes to personal wellness is continually doing and exposing yourself to things that help you grow and evolve as a human. Stay open and courageous enough to admit where there’s “work” to be done and continue to embark on the journey toward your best self.
Cheers friends. Wishing you well.
*Above image by Amy Lynn Bjornson taken of her clothing line @jadedclothing
The Wisdom of Travel/ French Polynesia
In a time of restriction of where we can go and what we can do I, ironically, feel drawn to talk travel. This post is intended to tap into your curiosity, as you find your way of “traveling” with the world in its present state.
In this post I’m going to do something a bit different by sharing with you apart of my life that has been super essential to who I’ve become. I also want to share with you an amazing location on this planet that can potentially be calling your name.
As much as I’m a therapist and believe in the therapeutic process, there can be an overload of self analyzing and introspection that can keep you looping. Yes, it’s true, there’s even a limit for healthy things. I want to encourage an overall balance of lifestyle and offer you an outlet that has done wonders for my headspace.
Which is: That thing called traveling….
For the record, travel can be adventuring somewhere new and different an hour away or a world away. You don’t need tons of money or hours on a plane to experience a place that offers you a different experience.
Regardless, this post is calling you to think outside your norm and try on something different. After all, that’s what travel has done for me. It knocks my A** out of my comfort zone, introduces me to a new way of doing and pushes me to grow.
Travel has brought much joy, perspective and growth into my life. Thinking about travel is where my head goes when I dream and I think we can all use some dreamy vibes right about now.
Getting away from what we know, whether it be a day trip or to somewhere further off, has the potential to stretch us in a way that’s not possible to do when we stay in our comfort zone. So much personal shifting can occur when we let go of what we know and allow ourselves to get swept away by a new way of doing and being.
Why is it that I’ve made major decisions about my life after my trips?
I’ve quit jobs, moved cities and have become more clear about where certain relationships stand after submerging myself in different cultures and places. I believe that travel gives me the opportunity to witness my life from another angle. Its provided me with time away from my habits and ways of doing things in order to “red flag” the actions that are not serving me.
In a nutshell, travel has allowed me to experience places and people that have made me rethink what I, ultimately, want for my life.
“Travel helps us see our life from a birds eye view; Where we can see with more clarity because we’re on the outside looking in. Looking in from the outside is a really different angle than our norm, which gives us different insights.”
What does travel do for me?
I’m less in my head and more at peace with where I’m at in my life on trips because I’m engaging in the things that light me up, which brings me incredibly present. For me, there’s a reason why I’m always going toward, warm waters, a lively and grand under water world and a local and mellow vibe.
Over the years, each trip taken has dropped me nuggets of clarity and tapped me back into my inner knowing. Such is true with the trip I took earlier this year (pre covid) to French Polynesia.
“ Simplicity is Bliss”
My trip to French Polynesia brought me to two atolls, Tikehau and Rangoria, both apart of the Tuamotu Archipelago. Tikehau is a remote atoll, only inhabited by 500 people. We stayed at the Tikehau Pearl Beach Resort (highly recommended.)
Being removed from the hussle of life warrants new perspective in itself. Although, being in a place where it’s truly quiet, there’s no distraction with places to go or things to do (besides being submerged under water), I found myself more at peace, with less anxiety and able to be present in a way that’s really hard for me to attain back in San Diego.
Not because San Diego is lacking in good vibes by any means; more so because, in my eyes, the pace of our world has become pretty speedy since my earlier days. Coming from a time where snail mail was “a thing” and cell phones were not, I’m finding that the fast pass and “go go go” has taken a bit of its toll on me.
“Traveling to simplistic places helps me calm more inwardly. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a time and place for areas with more art and livelihood, although, in the last couple years, I’ve wanted more quiet.”
Yes, I get it, I’m on vacation, where you can leave your worries behind and soak in the sun. However, the murmors of simplicity as my mind space was spent engaged in thinking about what kind of species of fish I was going to lurk around for under the sea allowed me to be present in a way that felt foreign. (And, oh so good) This trip was an opportunity for me to tap back into the present and was a reminder to slow down.
We hired some local guys to take us to snorkel/free dive along the Tiputa Pass (unreal). The Tiputa Pass is a strait in the northwest portion of Rangiroa lagoon that joins the lagoon to the open ocean. There’s a current that drifts you along a ledge of coral reef that drops down hundreds of feet into the open ocean where we saw groups of blacktip reef sharks (very common amongst the tropical coral reefs in the Indian and Pacific Oceans.)
On the ride back to our accommodation, I had the type of encounter that amps me up about traveling. Connecting with someone from such a different world is something that gets my blood pumping. Sitting shotgun, in this gentleman’s pick up truck, just talking real about life, always reminds me how, when it comes down to it, we’re all fighting the same fight.
We’ve all loved, got burned, been hurt and have felt joy. We all feel all the feels at one point or another in this life. In a nutshell, he both said and gave off the energy of peace and simplicity. I live for these moments on trips were I feel really connected to who I am via another person whose mirroring such a different reality, although the connection is so present. It’s a very cool thing.
How can I continue to keep it simple?
What can I cut from my everyday “list” that’s actually causing more noise and is just keeping me “busy” vs. actually adding to my quality of life?
What thoughts are consuming my mind that are in no way leading me toward a calm and steady head space?
How can I bring some of the unexpected, calm energy and “different” back into my life?
As much as these are the questions that I’m bringing back with me from my travels, I think that they’re great questions for any sort of self reflection. No matter where you are in your life.
“Entertaining a new way of doing things and paying attention to what’s not working is helping me weed things out.”
As timing in life is always at play, ironically, a couple weeks after this trip, COVID-19 hit hard and these same questions have been very relevant to me (and others) while being restricted and with things transitioning so quickly. Needless to say, you don’t need a trip overseas to engage in self introspection. I see how something, such as a global pandemic offers the same type of self reflection.
Bottom line: Don’t doubt the power of getting away from and out of what you know. Again, it can be down to the corner international market that you’ve never stepped in or something farther and grander. Point being, new experiences push us out of our comfort zone and help us expand. When and if you have the opportunity to do something new, take it. When you do take it, challenge yourself to do it with an open heart and mind.
“ Embrace different. ”
Different can be uncomfortable, although I’ve found that the magic of life happens when you immerse yourself in a new way of doing things. As you do so, you allow the opportunity to learn about yourself in a way that you just can’t tap into when you’re doing your “norm.” If you’re a seeker, if you’re looking to grow, embrace a new experience.
You’ll personally shift from doing so, no matter what. That’s what growth does. It expands you and once you grow and learn in a new way, you’ll never be able to comfortably sit in your small protected box again. That’s a good thing. Get after it friends. Challenge your comfort zone. Get out there and find your “new.”
Below find my small line of intention necklaces that I designed while incorporating the images that were taken in collaboration with @ashdubphoto & I in French Polynesia. I paired a pendant with a specific virtue that I felt it reflected. Hone your inner peace (half moon), joy (star), balance (diamond) or attract love (heart) and flow (drop) into your life while wearing these intentional necklaces by yours truly @kimegeljewelry.
Introducing my new line of INTENTION NECKLACES
Want to Feel Better About Your Life? (12 Perspectives to Ditch)
In with the new and out with the old as this year begins. Why Let Go? Well, letting go and shedding what doesn’t serve you will create space for new habits to kick in so you can grow and thrive.
Below are 12 tips on what you can let go of in order to show up with more light and love in the New Year.
For the record, letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care. Letting go is a practice to cultivate in order to avoid unnecessary suffering and harm.
Here we go….
Let go of Believing That The Grass is Greener
Waiting until that certain something happens in your life in order to be happy is such a falsehood. If you’re not happy now, that desired thing might bring you joy at first, but it’s only a matter of time that the truth will prevail and an unsupported foundation will start to show its cracks. You have to learn to like your life now. (I know, I know, hang in there for a second with me on this) Finding ways to be grateful now and finding acceptance for your current circumstances now will help you practice your happy muscle and build momentum that will push you toward what you desire. (That was wordy, but true) As you practice this, what you’re dreaming about has the space to come to you with more ease and on a bigger scale because it’s not battling your resistance.
Let go of Resentment
Let me say it simply, resentment is a hot mess. It negatively taints your energy and gives off bad vibes. You have every right to have all your feelings about any situation that’s causing resentment, however getting a grip on your resentment and working toward turning it into something productive is a win/win. Be mindful of when you're leading with resentment. It’s a bad look.
Let go of Fear
Fear is what stops so many people from doing that thing that could potentially create a lot of positive change and transformation. Get in tune with your fear. Get acquainted with your fear. You don’t have to like it, but you do have to tolerate it in order to get past it.
People that look “fearless” have established a positive relationship with their fear. So, it’s not that they’re “fearless,” it’s more that they’re able to feel their fear and proceed forward regardless of it being in the room with them.
Fear is in the back seat, not the drivers seat. They step toward what’s scary, not away from it.
Hone the skill of sitting with your fear while carrying on with challenging yourself so you can continue to grow and live big. Easier said than done, I know; Yet when you continue to practice this, facing fear will become more of your habit and less intimidating.
Let go of the Need to Please Others
Babes, babes, babes, please be careful of allowing other peoples opinion of you define you. Putting your value and sense of worth in any one else’s hands is not a good habit. You, my love, are the only one who has the authority to decide who you are and what is working (or not working) for you. Considering a respected source’s feedback can be really constructive, but taking another’s opinion of you as your truth is not advised. Learning to cultivate the skill of listening to yourself and valuing your opinion is one of the most beneficial things you can do for your life.
Let go of the Need to Control Other People and Circumstances
Let’s get real. Nobody wants to be controlled or told what to do. We didn’t like it as kids and we sure don’t like it as adults. Especially, more so, for my buddies out there who walk to the beat of their own drum. (Respect, because that’s hard to do.)
Be aware of when you’re in a pattern of believing that you know what’s best for another. There’s a way to be supportive without trying to fix, control a result or another. Looking at your relationship with control can greatly serve you.
Let go of Perfectionism
This is going to be short and sweet. Are you ready?
Perfect. Doesn’t. Exist.
Chasing perfection will always lead you to feel defeated because it’s unattainable. What’s perfect today may or may not be perfect tomorrow. This is so because things are always changing. Allow for things to change and shift without trying to keep it “perfect.” (Whatever that means.)
Let go of Your Mistakes (Regret)
You are meant to make mistakes. Mistake help you to learn & grow.
Please repeat: “I am meant to make mistakes. Mistake help me to learn & grow.”
Please value and learn from your mistakes. When you stay stuck in the past because of regret you’re creating more harm than good. If you’re carrying on with your life making no sort of mishap, then you’re being too careful.
Mistakes get a bad wrap. Change your relationships to how you define your “mistakes” in your life and you won’t be so scared to carry on in the present. This shift will allow you more space to go after what you want. Accept that you’re meant to slip up from time to time. After all, you’re human.
Let go of Self Doubt
Self doubt is a really bad habit. Everyone outside of you is treating you based on how you see yourself. If you think you can do it, other’s will believe you can do it. If you think you can’t do it, others will believe that you can’t do it.
It’s pretty straight up.
Your thoughts about your ability to get a hold of an issue in your life is a major factor in creating the end result. We’re creating our lives based on what we believe we’re capable of, for better or for worse. Believe in yourself because if you don’t other people will struggle to as well.
Let go of Being Black & White & All or None (Rigid)
Being rigid is a sure fire way to miss out on opportunities and joy. Some things might be a straight forward “Yes” or “No.” I honor that. However, as life will have it, many things are grey until they become clear. Be flexible and willing to see different perspectives in order to leave room for people, places and things to surprise you.
Let go of Non Intentional Reactions
In other words: Watch your impulse control. So many issues can be avoided by pausing a little longer than usual before you take action or speak your mind. There’s a time and a place to go for it and think quickly or have witty banter. However, learning when a situation calls for reflection and thought is an art that will benefit you.
Let go of Judgement and Self Criticism
Judgement is such a big road block to happiness. Judgement fogs our ability to see things for what and how they actually are. Reflect on your relationship with judgement. The truth is that the level at which you judge yourself is aligned with your level of judgment toward others. Nobody wants to be judged. It feels rejecting and it’s not a productive tool toward evoking positive change (or gaining friends.)
Let go of Your Timeline
A delay is not a denial. I’m not sure who coined that one, but the truth is that just because what you want is not happening now, doesn’t mean that it’s never going to happen. This is a tricky one because we want what we want and we want it now. When we can’t logically see or mentally figure out how something is going to pan out and appear, it’s hard to believe that it will eventually exist. Letting go of the timeline in which we think and believe that things should and ought to happen for us is really difficult for some of us, especially those of us that live a life in high control.
Practicing concepts such as trust, faith & healthy perspective will help you better cope with the uncertainty that life will bring. If we don’t utilize those virtues, we will be left feeling disappointed and frustrated about how we believe our life is playing out.
Trust life, it’s smarter than you.
Cheers to you shedding what there’s no need for. As you do, it’s only natural for good things to surface that will support your growth and bring more enjoyment into your world. Now, get after it!
*Above image was taken by wedding & lifestyle photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
A Reframe About Pursuing Success
There are individuals everywhere who have all the external components that we would imagine define "success," yet there's no happiness underneath it all.
The truth is that no external thing can make you a happy person long term.
You can feel the short term hit of dopamine and happiness by acquiring or getting what you’ve always wanted externally, yet it’s just a matter of time where the “high” acquiring will wear off.
This may lead us to question what the term success means for us personally. Once we can define that more clearly for ourselves, it's less likely for us to go down a mindless and empty path toward gadgets, relationships and stuff that lead to nowhere.
Personal success looks different for all of us. Be true and consistent to what it looks like for you.
Here's a quote intended to help you get more clear about your own unique relationship with the concept of success.
“Don’t aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run—in the long-run, I say!—success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it.”
I love this quote. It highlights an important path toward the kind of happiness and joy that benefits all within reach.
So often we can get caught in the trap of trying so hard to achieve to gain a certain result. For the record, I've become really weary of the word "trying" at this point in my life. "Trying" to make a certain something happen. "Trying" to attain the ideal relationship. "Trying" to make a certain amount of money. "Trying" to get to where the grass (in our heads) is greener. Too much trying can back fire and sends off an anxious and, at times, needy vibe.
Trying too hard, often, is the exact action that's keeping us from receiving what we desire.
Don't get me wrong. I'm all about goals and creating markers toward personal achievement, however there's an artful balance of knowing when to tug and when to loosen up. It's a skill to learn how to go after something with an attitude of openness and flexibility, but without need and desperation. Needless to say, the results of these two approaches are very different.
Practicing allowing and loosening your grip of the drivers seat of your life, sometimes is the specific ingredient needed to open up enough space for that thing you really want to sneak in.
Endless trying paired with no real satisfying results will lead us feeling empty and discouraged.
The irony is that when we let go and stop trying so hard we naturally begin to start living by enjoying what we do have. When we can find joy in what's already full in our lives, that's when things have an uncanny way of coming together and more good things are created.
Trust this. Follow what feels good. Follow what feels right in your heart vs. where your logical mind believes success lives. When you do this, the chances that you will experience the kind of happiness that's deep and sustaining is more likely.
* The above image was taken by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
"The Right" Kind of Love (Why It Might Not Look How You Thought It Would)
Why, so often, are we surprised or shocked when love shows up? Why doesn't love look the way we think it should? Why can we sometimes "miss it" when love is knocking on our door?
The topic of love and relationships is so vast. I CAN’T EVEN begin to explain. Yet, piece by piece, day by day, experience by experience and relationship by relationship the pieces will be revealed.
Here are some words to contemplate around the topic of love:
"If you are operating under the assumption that who you are before the surgery, underneath the hair dye, and without the makeup is unacceptable, then you may find yourself driven to find a mate with all of the "perfect" criteria (the "right job," "right look," from the "right family") as a way to compensate for what you consider to be your own inadequacies. You may find someone who has all of those external qualities and think, for a while anyway, that you have found love. But, sooner or later, these relationships tend to reveal themselves to be somewhat empty and soulless. The kind of love that we are looking for rarely comes from this way of seeking. There is no heart in it and soul connections are always revealed in the heart. That's why love doesn't always look the way you might think it should. Just like you, yourself, may not look the way you think you should."
....................For when we take a lover to our bed, it's all about opening ourselves totally and completely to the experience of being loved and adored for exactly who we are, and exactly who we are not, as well as being willing to extend this sweet state of grace to another."
-Katherine Woodward Thomas
Accepting ourselves, warts and all, will effect our urge to mask certain aspects of ourselves that we deem not good enough. F that! Life is too short to be walking around, aimlessly, trying to cover everything up. The irony is, the more truth you show about yourself, the more of an authentic and truthful love connection you can make. I know this to be true based on my own experience of love and by onlooking the relationships in my life that I value. The odds of finding a soul connection will increase when the inner need to hide self proclaimed "faults" quiet.
Own who you are. All of it. Doing so will lead you to the right relationships and soul connections. Period, The End.
and....Much Love.
* Above image by Amy Lynn Bjornson, San Diego based Photographer.
Being Vulnerable: Why It's Worth It (No Matter What)
When you love; Why not love hard?
Given it’s a healthy environment (meaning person) to do that with; why not?
When you hold back, when you half love, when you don’t go all in, when you don’t fully expose your heart, you’re actually doing yourself a huge disservice.
Here’s why................
When you don’t give something your all, specifically when it comes to love, you don’t see what you need to see. You don’t see the full truth because how you show up will always mirror your experience. Meaning what you put in is what you'll get back. Commitment attracts commitment. You only see the full picture when you expose yourself to the full picture by making the choice to fully love and commit.
You get what you give in life.
Going "all in" requires commitment and vulnerability. These can be intimidating concepts, especially for those of us who struggle with a fear of commitment.
(*How do you know if you fear commitment? Check out the article I've linked. Usually, If you have a pretty solid pattern of dating or partnering with unavailable people, this is an aspect of your life to examine further.)
We don't always get what we want. Things will not always go how we think they should nor how we want them to go in relationships. We don't always know what's best for us, even when we think we do. This can be really hard to swallow. Sometimes we don’t want to accept the truth, which leads us toward resistance and feeling stuck. Anytime we're rejecting what is, we will face resistance.
“Many of us want proof that something is going to work out the way we want it to before we make a commitment to it. We want to know that it’s a sure bet, a good and solid place to invest our energies. While this is understandable, there is a certain synchronicity that reserves itself for when one makes a wholehearted investment of oneself that simply cannot be foreseen.”
When you go into a relationship with an open heart and mind something really important happens…..
You see the truth of the matter. You see the truth about the object of your affection. The real, unfiltered truth. When you show up fully, it’s easier and more apparent to spot someone whose not a true fit for you, or, who is simply, not revealing their truth.
One of the biggest learning experiences of my life, thus far, came from being involved in an "on and off again" relationship that started in my late teens and continued into my mid twenties. Now, with over a decade of perspective, I can say that one of the major reasons why it was on and off, on my end, was due to my inability to be all in and fully commit. I say that with no self blame, it’s just where I was at during that point in my life. Of course there were times of “all in,” I was in love with this man, although even 90% IN leaves openings for small cracks to become bigger and truth to corrode. When 100% trust and commitment is missing there's way more room for misunderstanding and a lack of communication and safety in a partnership.
Things become very blurred when you don’t go all in. Things get lost in translation because there's a lack of solid foundation to jump from. From my experience, cracks became gaps, which lead to distance. Distance led to blurred actions and unclear perceptions, which eventually led to a broken partnership. Even if only in my heart, I was fuzzy. Fuzzy and blurry will attract fuzzy and blurry......and it did. I will own that.
So, when you love, do your best to put it all out on the table because as you do, you will be able to make better decisions around who you're giving your heart too. When you give off clarity, you will get back clarity. When things are clear and transparent you see what you need to see in order to make healthy choices about your love life.
.......love hard.
* The above image was taken by good friend and photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Controlled Action vs. Inspired Action (What's the Difference?)
Life often calls for us to make choices and take action. Both controlled and inspired action are two approaches to life’s challenges that can either help us flow or add more struggle then need be. They are both necessary and can produce desired results when applied to situations that compliment them. Learning about these two approaches and knowing which one to grab onto in specific circumstances of our lives can help us cruise through life more fluidly.
Inspired Action
Inspired action is commonly driven by a random thought, curiosity or inspiration to act. The energy behind inspired action tends to be free flowing, light, organic and open. The driving force behind this action is curiosity and intrigue. There is no force or resistance when our action is coming from an inspired place.
“The end result of inspired action is not the focus; the joy we feel the action will bring is.”
Inspired action doesn’t require a plan. It requires us to get out of our own heads. There are no rules or “should’s” to follow. There is no right, wrong or logical mindset at play. It’s not to be contained or controlled, which is what allows it to happen so naturally and be so organic. Simply put, it’s action that we just feel moved to do when it calls.
This action is not ego based, rather it’s based on what makes you feel alive and joyful. It often happens unexpectedly, like most special moments in life. It’s without a script or knowing. It’s just, straight up, Inspired.
When action comes from a place of inspiration the result of that action tends to be extremely powerful. Endless possibilities and big dreams stem from this type of action because it’s pure, true and genuine. It has no limits or boundaries.
Inspired action is based around the concept of flow. Flow is not questioning where you’re going nor where you’ve been.
It’s just………Being. In. The. Flow.
Controlled Action
Controlled action has a very different energy to it. The energy that accompanies controlled action is focused, contained and more contrived. This type of action calls our logical minds and learned perspectives to “figure out” what we need to do in order to make our desired result happen. This way guides us to focus on “the how” a desired result can be approached. It's more systemic and procedural. In controlled action there's often a “step by step” approach that leads to the desired result.
Controlled action is great when you’re looking to complete the academic path toward becoming a doctor, lawyer or any other profession that has a specific criteria to follow to meet the end goal. Flying a plane, getting a black belt in martial arts, doing a math problem, putting a piece of IKEA furniture together and a lot of technical fields require this approach. It's necessary at times. (I know, random selection of events, no doubt.)
Here is where we get to make a choice……
If we apply the concept of controlled action to a challenge in life that calls for a loose and flexible approach, we can very much get in our own way. Fighting against what is will bring more suffering and struggle than need be. So, when we're 100% committed toward using a fixed approach to a topic that calls for space, freedom and no boundaries, chances are that we will be creating resistance and more struggle than necessary. Resisting is the more difficult way. For example, forcing any sort of relationship to BE a certain way or demanding that something NEEDS to happen in order to feel okay are situations that cannot be controlled. Who you naturally connect with and feel attraction toward just is. There are some things in life that cannot be forced.
I know this gets tricky when we REALLY want something to look a certain way or someone to feel a certain way about us. It can be crazy making. It’s easy to want to follow a step by step plan of how to make something we want happen or someone we desire to see us in a certain light. The reality is, when we use force when something calls for space, we often create an opposite outcome to what we desire.
I know that when I get uncomfortable or anxious in life, I have a tendency to up the volume of control. There’s this illusion that if I control what I can, I will feel better. Often this is why we can find ourselves running around “busy” all the time. It distracts us and keeps us in the doing mode, which gives us a temporary sense of relief. Distraction may mask our anxiety and fear, although it doesn’t deal with it. Dealing with those emotions and getting through them requires facing and sitting with them. I understand why we humans avoid, it’s our best attempt of self protection from pain and discomfort. The quick fix is to stay busy, but the way toward healing is to slow down and practice the concepts of letting go, relaxing, trusting, calming and accepting. *Believe me, I know that's easier said than done my friend.
With that said, there is a time and place for controlled action, as there is a time to let go, allow, trust and go with what’s happening because you're inspired. Hopefully having more knowing around these two sources of action can help you find more self awareness and peace in your choice of action.
* The above image was taken by Amy Bjornson, San Diego based photographer.
What Does "Following Your Truth" Mean? (Breaking It Down)
(*If you haven't read Part 1, you might want to check out the previous post as this blog is a continuation of that.)
If you’re playing smaller than you’re meant to in this life, I have some ideas that are designed to give you new energy and perspectives. Fresh perspectives can help us clear out old noise in order to bring in the new.
Your new mantra: No more playing small; Start going after what you want.
Below find the steps to hone in order to cultivate the life you want:
Acknowledge It
Acknowledge it. Be aware of what you're doing. Own that you've gotten into a habit of playing small.
Do your best to be self aware, yet patient and kind to yourself. Remember; You are where you are in your life, which is not wrong, it just is. Your story and thoughts around where you are is what’s either working for you and bringing joy to your experience or not. You’re always attracting from where you're at, so if your idea about where your life is at in this moment is negative, yup, you guessed it, you're bringing more of that vibe toward you.
Practicing acceptance and refraining from judging your current reality will push you out of a critical space and into a flow of movement. It always helps me to reflect on the perspective that life is not about getting to a specific destination. It’s a journey. When we can own where we’re at and find peace with our situation, organically, opportunities, people and things have a way of coming into our experience.
Make a Choice
Making a clear decision to tend to and face an area of your life that has been under the radar is a feat in itself. It’s a game changer. Any time that we make a clear choice in life is powerful.
“To decide and pick something is to move out of indecision, which brings flow and change. Choosing to face an area of your life that you’ve been avoiding will lead to change, simply because you’re giving it energy”
It’s like anything that’s been neglected and starts receiving attention: It will begin to grow, thrive, blossom and has the platform to live up to it's full potential. Allowing the blood to start pumping back into an area of your life that you’ve been neglecting will bring new opportunities toward you. It all starts with a clear decision.
Use your Triggers for Momentum
Every person coming into your life presents you with an opportunity to learn, especially the people that trigger you. As I've mentioned before, very often when someone triggers us, there can be something that their behavior is reflecting for us to do some inner work with. By asking self reflective questions you switch the focus off the other person and make the trigger about your opportunity to understand YOU, not them, and in doing so you can become more self aware.
Revive
If you’ve been in the habit of hiding and avoiding, allowing yourself to partake in some “freshening up” in order to clear out the noise that's been holding you back is a must do. Some life moments require freshening up in order for you to reset and feel better. Doing what you need to do for yourself to clean up your energy and clear out bad vibes is so empowering. Tap into what that looks like for you. Do you need to workout, eat healthy, adjust your sleeping schedule, lay off alcohol, go to yoga, find your chi, talk with a close friend, get submerged in nature, go surf? The point is: Do your thing. Do the things you need to do for yourself in order to feel good. Only you know what those things are. Go after them.
Own your Way
There’ s no script or right way in life. Own the way your life is going based on the choices that you’ve made. Be weary of regrets. You made choices in your past based on who you were in that specific time and space in your life. It’s common for us to look back and see our decisions differently from our perspective in the now, although, trusting that your life is leading you in some sort of direction is important to feel more at peace. Practice feeling good about where you’re at in your life now. It's okay to want things that you don’t have.........yet. It’s also important to focus on what you have versus your perceived lack of what you don’t have in order to find peace in the now. Own what's happening in your experience now. Trust it.
Have Fun
Give yourself a break and trust the process. Relax. Have fun. Get out of your head and into your body and heart.
If you generally find that you have a fixed perspective, do your best to get out of your own way by loosening up and staying open to new ways of being. Practice saying “Yes” to something you would normally say “No” too. Try something new without thinking so hard about it and planning it out. Just go. Just do. Get caught up in the excitement of something and be aware of when logic pops in and begins tearing down an idea. Laugh, flow, allow, loosen and be in this temporary moment of your life. Let go and have fun. The power of fun and play is totally underrated in this adult life. Tap back into it.
No more hiding from the things you want and desire for yourself. My intention with this post was to offer you some ways to “try on” in order for you to come out and be seen. There are people waiting to experience you. Life has opportunities and possibilities waiting for you, but you have to dust off and appear before they can show up.
* The above image was taken by San Diego Photographer, Renata Amazonas.
Your Truth (Signs You Are Hiding From It)
Maybe at one point or another in life you’ve had that sensation of wanting to hide from the world. I can, for sure, speak for myself that I’ve wanted to do so. I actually believe that to a degree, getting out of dodge for a bit can be a healthy-slash- self care sort of thing. Checking out for a bit in order to get quiet and become more grounded can provide a necessary recharge. Although, when hiding becomes a lifestyle rather than a mini re-set you can get trapped in playing small in your life.
So, how do you know if you’re in hiding and keeping yourself from opportunities and possibilities that want your attention?
You Feel like Something is Missing
You can’t put your finger on it, but something feels unsettled. There might be an underlying feeling that “something is missing” and “there’s more out there” for you. You feel restless. You find it difficult to feel settled with where you're at in life. Generally speaking, it can feel hard to sit, relax and just BE, which can breed chronic busyness and doing.
Your Intuition Says So
You just know it in your gut. I’m not going to say anything more than this: When your intuition speaks, listen up.
You’re Triggered Left and Right
It’s normal to get triggered by others, although when you’re constantly triggered by the people around you, that can be a sign that you’re hiding from an aspect of you that's demanding your attention. The world is awaiting for you to tap into and share your uniqueness. We all show up in this life with gifts to contribute. Your gift is unique to you. Nobody can give your gift like you can.
When we're hiding and playing small, we’re not the only one that’s missing out. The world is too. When we start to notice who is triggering us and begin to look for patterns within who and what is a trigger, that can lead to some information about our unique gifts that we’re denying or keeping beneath the surface.
You Feel Bored
You’re struggling to feel excited about something; Anything. Things feel status quo. Each day is bleeding into the next. A feeling of blah is a staple feeling throughout your day.
I understand that sometimes we have to do things in life that are not necessarily fun and exciting. Dishes need to be cleaned, laundry needs to get taken care of, groceries need to be bought…and the list goes on. Although, I’m referring to chronic boredom that has become a way of life and has dampened your spark. Boredom that's getting in the way of how you want to feel in your life. This is the kind of boredom that might be telling you something.
You’re Avoiding Your Natural Curiosities
We all have people, places and things that naturally turn our heads. We don’t have to try with what we have curiosity about, it just is. It’s similar to the concept of attraction. There are some people that we’re super drawn to and fall for over others. Even when someone looks ideal on paper, there is just some chemistry between us humans that just IS. Attraction is not always logical. Our curiosity and what we find interesting works on a similar level. If you consciously notice that you're making up excuses in order to avoid events, opportunities and people that you have an inner drawing toward, this can be a signal that you're denying yourself joy and possibilities in your life.
The Voice is Getting Louder
It’s getting more difficult to push away that idea or that voice that’s calling you to step forward. The boredom, your inner voice, the feeling that something just isn’t right. It’s all getting louder and more unavoidable. It's officially caving in.
You might even feel more anxiety than normal because on an unconscious level you have some sort of knowing that you can be living a reality more true to you. What you used to be able to black out of your mind and compartmentalize is face first in front of you. Life wants you to live up to your full potential and it will put opportunities and people in place to trigger you and push you toward your truth.
To come full circle, I suppose the question now is for you to decide if you’re living smaller than your meant too. If not, awesome. Carry on friend.
If the above did speak to you, honor yourself for admitting it and getting through this post. For the record, I'm not going to leave you hanging with this topic. Stay tuned for my "Part 2" of this blog post that will extend the conversation by providing perspectives and ideas intended to encourage your inner momentum to make some positive movement.
* The above image was taken by San Diego Photographer Renata Amazonas.
How to Tap Into a More Confident You
Who doesn’t want to be confident?
Walking through this world, confident, believing that we’re deserving and capable of great things can greatly improve our lives. Confidence is attractive. It allows us to feel capable and helps us to trust in our abilities with more ease. It lessens self doubt and gives us the courage to make choices that push us outside our comfort zone. The confidence that we exude attracts what opportunities and people come our way. Confidence gives us the courage to stay true to our boundaries, allowing us to stay in alignment with our true desires. Our confidence level is correlated with how others treat us.
Confidence is not always bold and obvious. It could be, yet it’s often quiet and graceful. This is why confidence is so alluring. There’s an artful balance point where grace and confidence meet. The work we all have before us is to shed the blocks that lead us toward insecurity and build upon our natural essence.
You can observe confidence by noting the quiet listener in a room. A person who doesn’t need the attention on them because their energy and presence is known by their ability to listen and truly hear another. When you’re confident, you're not clawing for attention and validation from outside yourself. Confidence brings a powerful energy.
It’s light, refreshing and attractive. It’s not loud; it’s powerful in a subtle way.
So, how can you gain confidence?
Confidence is an organic result of fully accepting who you are, where you are and what you’re about.
How do you hone your unique confidence?
You practice and work toward accepting yourself…..as you are…..now.
Not when you achieve this or that. Not when you have attained this or that, whether it be a relationship, material object, job title, what have you. Simply, now. When you get to a point within yourself where you can enjoy and accept where and who you are in the present, that’s where self acceptance lives.
Accepting yourself for who you are, imperfections and all, is worth working on. When you weed through the noise of your inner world and ditch the garbage that is holding you back from fully seeing and accepting yourself, LIFE IS BETTER. You will feel lighter, more grounded and more joyful.
Remember, it’s not the destination; it’s the journey. Enjoy it more, now, by allowing yourself to be where you're at without judgement or the pressure that you “should” be elsewhere.
Cheers.
* Image by San Diego based photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.