8 Ways of Coping to Relieve Anxiety
GET IN NATURE, BABY!
Breath fresh air. Sit in the salty sea. Listen to the sounds of natural elements. Do what you need to do to get in nature and feel, hear, see and experience the natural healing that will occur when you do.
DITCH YOUR TIMELINE
Trust that life and all the events that you desire are on there way and will come to you when they’re meant too. When we dismiss the idea that there is divine timing at play in life, we tend to freak out and push and pull toward what we believe should be happening. Trust in life’s direction and you will start feeling less anxiety as you allow life to direct you without your resistance.
STOP OVERWHELMING YOURSELF WITH SHOULDS & WHAT IF’S
If it should happen, trust that it will. If it does happen, trust that there’s lessons for you to learn. Catch yourself from going down the rabbit hole of the what if’s & shoulds of life.
BE PRESENT
Be where you’re at. Your life is this moment, right now. Getting too far ahead with planning or too far behind with dwelling and ruminating about past events, you will completely lose the beauty of the now. Stay present friends.
GET CONNECTED TO YOUR BODY
Move that beautiful body of yours. Get your blood pumping and allow your endorphins to release. You will feel better for it. It’s a sure thing.
GO SLOWER
When in doubt, slow down. This life is so busy these days, more so than ever with the over abundance of demands and electronics always at our finger tips. Take fasting days from social media. Close down the lap top and learn to slow your mind. Make less plans, do less and see how you feel.
EVALUATE THE COMPANY YOU KEEP
Who you spend your time with is who you’ll become more alike. Choose your company wisely because the power of influence is a real thing.
TIDY HOME; TIDY MIND
If you haven’t noticed, there’s a huge correlation between your internal space (your mind space) and your external space (the space in which you dwell.) If you’re having trouble keeping your mind from racing, try cleaning up and organizing the external space around you. It’s a great place to start the clean up.
As always, I’m hoping that these quick tips help you to get out of your head and into your life. Cheers.
*Above Image is by San Diego based wedding & lifestyle photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
How to Let Go and Move On
A common way that we can get stuck in our lives is by investing in the illusion that the past “should’ve or could’ve” been different. Any time that we’re resisting what IS, we will feel stuck on some level. Although it can be difficult to do, chances are that you will find clarity and an unfolding of an answer by letting go.
Letting go of trying so hard. Letting go of the negative stories that are racing around and around in your head. Letting go of what you can’t control.
Just. Let. Go.
There may be many different stories, beliefs and ways of seeing things for you to let go of. In that case, a great place to start is with allowing the past to be exactly as it was; for worse or for better. Life will present us with all kinds of contrast, therefore if we continue to believe that circumstances “should of” and “could of” been different, we will be chronically stuck.
Let go of the illusion that life could have been any different. To free yourself from the past, believe that everything is happening in divine order. The past was and the present is as it should be.
Freedom and peace will come when we allow everything that has happened to just BE. Where we can focus our energy is on what we can create as the journey ahead of us unfolds. By taking inspired action and focusing on what we can do, little by little we will be led toward shift and change.
Cheers today to letting go. Sending good vibes your way as you move forward and create the change and shift you desire by letting go.
*Image above by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson
5 Root Issues That Keep Us From Falling in Love
Oh love.
So complex. Or can it be so simple?
If you’re still on your search toward finding a loving intimate partner I want you to have peace in your heart in knowing that you deserve what you want.
Just for the reminder: THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU just because you haven’t found love, yet.
The desire to have love wasn’t given to you unless it was meant to come into form. My intention for this post is to provide you with some reasons that can shed some light on the current state of your love life. Sometimes we have blocks and defenses up that are so ingrained, which hold us back, preventing us from finding and creating what we desire.
For those of you partnered up, this information still applies, as we are all works in progress and it never hurts to be self aware.
Love is something that we all seem to be seeking, whether we consciously admit it or not. Although, why is it that some of us struggle more than others when it comes to attracting and creating an intimate partnership? There’s no single “answer” to why. We each are so unique and different, although I do want to speak to some general reasons how we can be blocking love without even knowing it.
Very often our blocks to love can be unconscious. My motivation for this post is to bring awareness to such blocks so you can combat them and be on your merry way to a fulfilling relationship.
Our relationship toward the topic of love has a ton to do with our capacity toward true connection, which is directly aligned with how fulfilled we are in life. How we show love, how comfortable we are receiving love and how open we are to love all affects our life. Our relationships, both how strong and truthful they are, act as major factors toward our overall level of happiness. It’s what brings us joy like no external object can.
Therefore, today (Happy Valentine’s day) I’m going to address some blocks to love that we can be carrying around with us whether we’re conscious of it or not. Love can be fluid and flow with ease when we’re operating with an open heart. Although, life has a tendency to present us with emotional hurts that can clog our heart space. If we don’t tend to our wounds, we can become scared and fearful, blocking us to fully experience love.
With that said, here are some common Blocks to Love
Our Childhood Sh*t
As cliche as it is for a therapist to ask you to look back at your childhood, I’m gonna do it. After all, our primary caregivers, whoever they were, our biological parents, a single parent, a relative, etc, was our main teacher when it came to the topic of love. They taught us by example how to express love, feel love, hold the space for love; Everything about love. When I have clients that are blocked in the area of love and relationships, it’s always important to explore the dynamics and messages that were digested when they were young. After all, it’s common for us to drag unhealthy habits from our youth into our adult relationships, especially our intimate ones. It’s just what we do. This is where the problems arise within our romantic connections.
Another question to think about is: Which parent did you desire more love and attention from, your mom or dad?
If we haven’t healed our past wounds, it’s common for us to continue to “try” and get what we never received as kids from our current partner or who we seek to date. It could be beneficial for you to look for any patterns in your romantic relationships and see if they mirror a familiar dynamic that you had with a parent from childhood. For example, if a parent never gave you the attention, time and energy you desired, perhaps you find yourself drawn to unavailable partners who mimic those old and hurtful actions of the past.
We’re Not Fully Healed
There’s a huge difference between healing a past emotional hurt VS. pushing it aside. It’s not very comfortable to sit with an emotional hurt and be patient for it to heal. Just as it wouldn’t be easy to get around with a broken leg. The difference is that a physical aliment gets our attention and makes us stop while an emotional hurt doesn’t. It may get our attention, but it doesn’t force us to stop as a physical injury does. This is the tricky part of emotional wounds, you can’t see them and they can be easily covered up and swept under the rug. After a major emotional hit we can look fine, keep on going through our days, find a partner, even if our heart is still broken. As you might know, whatever is not fully healed will be expressed in some way, shape or form, simply because it’s still there.
We’ve Been Burned Before
Carrying a past hurt around will chip away at our life force. It has the potential to keep us so fearful of rejection and hurt that we stay closed while eliminating our chances for healthy future connections. Until we clear the pain and heal, it will feel really scary to open up again. How can you know if you’re still harboring past hurt? You will most likely have an emotional reaction to topics that trigger memories or past wounds. You will feel the past emotions in your body manifesting as a pit in your stomach, a discomfort in your chest, etc. These physical reactions are clues that there’s still emotional healing to tend too.
Being Vulnerable is Too Uncomfortable
Vulnerability can be so intimidating. It’s also a must if you want to cultivate and create a strong, raw and real love connection. Nothing truly satisfying can be established with a surface level connection, therefore, if you want depth, learning to let down your guard and BE open is a must.
We Like To Be In Control
In order to let someone in and allow a relationship to be deep and spiritual, you have to let go of control. You have to let go enough to allow yourself to “fall” in love, hence you need to let go to fall. When the connection is healthy, find peace in knowing that your loving partner will catch you and can hold the space for your heart. If they can’t or won’t, then that’s not the one for you babe.
On an end note, I wanted to address that this topic is so rich and can be so complex for some of us. Especially if there was deep hurts and wounds from the past. If you noticed emotions coming up for you that can be a sign that there’s lurking inner “stuff” taking up space in your heart.
In order to not leave you hanging, I’m inspired to write another post on how to clear out the blocks and create space for love. Coming up next.
*Above image by photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Your Words (Why They're So Powerful)
Our words, the ones murmured through our inner dialogue as well as the ones expressed out loud are creating our lives. They paint the picture of who we are.
To say it simply, our words matter, big time.
They affect how people see us, how we view ourself and, most importantly, how our lives pan out. Our words create our reality, as our words are birthed from our deep seeded beliefs. What we believe about ourself will show up via our actions, words and decisions, for better or for worse.
As a visual person, I love to think about this human system of functioning as a layered cake. That bottom layer, being the foundation (our beliefs) sets the stage for how aligned and balanced that finished cake is going to be (our lives). It all ends and begins with our beliefs. They dictate how our thoughts, actions and results come to physical form.
Just for the record, we communicate our beliefs through our words whether we’re aware of it or not.
What we say represents who we are and what we stand for. Our words represent our personal brand, whether we’re trying to have one or not.
We are constantly marketing who we are by what we say and how we say it. How positive or skeptical we are is expressed via our voice. Are we victims of our circumstances? Are we hopeful of what’s to come? Fearful of the future? And the list goes on. We determine what the past means and what the future holds for us as we express ourselves through our words.
So, given all the above, here's a couple questions:
Are Your Words in Alignment With What You Want?
It’s common for us to operate with our defenses up. Especially after we’ve been hurt and burned in life. Sometimes a natural response to being hurt is to create protective ways of thinking and acting to ensure that we don’t get hurt again. For example, if you decide that you’re never going to open your heart to the possibility of another romantic relationship because you’ve been rejected and hurt, then that part of your life will die. If you decide that you’re never going to try for another new job opportunity because you crashed and burned in your last job, then you’ll remain complacent in your career life.
Shutting off is a solution, although it’s not a good nor healthy long term solution to life’s emotional hits.
The reality is that life is full of contrast and up’s and down’s. We will win some and we will lose some. The key is to keep moving, keep trying and to keep open even though we have been let down and disappointed. No doubt that this is hard, right?
The trouble comes when our defenses are high enough that we can falsely convince ourself of “truths” that simply aren’t facts. When these false truths start directing our life choices, this is where we start facing a lot of challenges and blocks. For example, the woman who claims she’s content to be alone, although in her heart of hearts, she desires partnership. On a conscious level she can believe her own lie, it manipulatively keeps her “safe,” but on an unconscious level this denial of her real truth will start creating dissatisfaction in her life.
Often, the reason that we lie to ourselves is because we’re not ready for the truth. After all, the truth can hurt.
Therefore we create ways of thinking that protect us from the pain that we would have to confront if we looked the truth straight in the eye. The truth meaning the factual reality of the situation at hand. The trick is to get to the point where we can allow the facts and the truth of the matter to be there with us as uncomfortable as that could be. (We don’t have to like it, but we do have to let the truth pass through.) When we hold the space for the truth to BE with us, we, consequently, give ourselves the opportunity to accept what is so we can let go and move on.
How Are Your Words Making You Feel?
After you have a conversation with others or internally, how do you feel? Do you feel empowered, positive or hopeful? Or do you feel discouraged, guilty or bad?
Here’s an exercise for you to get in tune with your mind/body:
The next time you have a situation that triggers your emotions, drop into your body, your heart space, and notice how you feel. Become aware of how certain emotions lay in your physical body. Start to acquaint yourself with where specific emotions are stored. For example, I’ll often feel anxiety in my chest and excitement in my belly. Stress gives me headaches and makes my head spin in circles.
With talking about how powerful our words are, I feel it’s important to note that there is a mighty power in saying things out loud.
Often times we’re fearful to speak the truth of something difficult out loud because it gives it a voice, which can make it feel more real.
As much as we’re scared to speak the truth out loud, there’s power in releasing our fears by expressing them. As we express our fears and difficult emotions we also create the space to begin facing them, and, therefore, releasing them.
No matter where you fall in relationship to the words that you speak, the good news is, drumroll, that you can change any habits in your life by deciding to be more aware and conscious. The tone, perspective and words you speak are just a habit. It’s a habit that can change and it’s a habit that can improve with time and effort.
I hope my words, the words in this post, help guide you closer to expressing your truth and, ultimately, attract what you seek.
*Above image by Lifestyle photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
3 Short and Simple Quotes to Ground You
Often, it's short and simple messages that are all we need to help clear our minds and hearts of clutter and negative energy. With that said; here are some grounding words from me to you.
You attract based on where you’re at. If you want happy, make sure you’re happy. If you want adventurous, make sure you’re adventuring. If you want depth, make sure you can go there.
If you’re feeling stuck make small moves toward change. Stop trying to “figure it out,” that will make you nuts. Just go step by step and little by little and things will begin to unfold.
A busy, scattered mind repels good things. Take time to do the things that quiet your mind and bring you peace.
How To Create and Maintain Your Boundaries
There are so many things that have the potential to sweep us away these days. Therefore this post is all about how to crete and maintain your boundaries (stay in your lane), so your energy is not scattered, which will leave you depleted.
Distractions come to us in so many ways. Some are disguised by appearing really pretty; the thousands of mesmerizing images our minds scan through on instagram that catch our eyes. Although beautiful and potentially inspiring, it’s a mass amount of output coming in that we have to filter and digest.
Everything coming at us requires our energy to weed through and sort out.
Other distractions might feel more heavy; a friends sharing of another’s dramatic relationship issues. Not to mention the over abundance of daily texts, DM’s, tweets, snapchats, voicemails and emails on top of work and all the other must do’s. It can feel really intense and overwhelming.
I’ve come to a point where I can start feeling myself shut down like a computer when I feel overloaded. Sometimes it’s just too much “stuff” in one day for me to hold and sift through. Instead of being hard on myself and feeling like “I should” be able to handle all the demands of my (this) world, I just let myself do what I need to do. This usually entails retreating to somewhere quiet so I can literally reboot. Maybe a walk, maybe a surf, maybe a hike, maybe a quiet evening in. Something that helps my system to unwind.
Discovering what your “reboot” is will be a huge benefit to your life.
So, how can you stay clear and focused amongst all the things and stuff going on?
Today is simple, because we can make it so complex. Stay in your lane in life.
Meaning: Stay focused on your mission. Stay clear on your aim. Stay true to your intentions and desires. Stay aware of what makes you feel good. Stay aware of what makes you fulfilled and what lights you up. Keep your energy protected by being selective about with who and what are good ways to spend your time. Learn and practice how to repel what others may attempt to dump on you by keeping healthy boundaries for yourself. Your lane (your personal space) needs to remain healthy and clear, so you can see where you’re going. You only have so much energy each day, use it wisely.
Start this year off with a bang by making choices that honor you. Pay attention to the things that have the potential to swerve you off your path. As you hold a clear boundary for yourself the negative will organically fall away as the positive things survive and accumulate. Trust this, as it’s the flow of life.
Cheers friends.
* Image taken by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
How to Discover Your Purpose
With 2018 coming to a close and a new year to come, it never hurts to think about what you desire in the new and how to spread your unique gift out in the world. Yes, you have one, we all do. Don’t doubt it.
So, why are we here?
What’s the purpose? What’s your purpose?
What are you here to do?
I don’t know the answers to these questions, but I did appreciate the below statement that speaks to them.
“We are here to help people. We are here to learn how to grow in wisdom. We are here to heal ourselves and others. We are here to help birth peace in the world. We are here to love and be loved. We are here to radiate kindness…..or hope…or happiness.”
-Katherine Woodward Thomas
Each of us will deliver our gifts and experience this life differently. We each play a unique role and spread our purpose or “calling” to this world in our own individual way.
Sometimes the roles we play via the job title we hold is in alignment with the greater mission we have for this life, and sometimes it isn’t. This calling or purpose isn’t always reflected in what your work for monetary purposes is. For some of us our career path and soul calling merges and for others of us it shows up as two different things. Either works.
I will go a step further and say that if you can tap into your true authenticity and bring it to your current daily role, whatever it may be, you will find your way to your bigger purpose. I believe that consistently revealing your authenticity will carve the pathway to your bigger purpose. This bigger purpose or “soul calling” isn’t necessarily fancy. I think many of us get caught in thinking that it needs to be, which it does not. It just has to be rooted in truth and, most importantly, your truth.
For some of us this soul calling might bring us grand attention and for others of us this calling may not be so obvious to others. It actually doesn't matter. What matters is that you’re doing what feels true to you, regardless of what the image of your role reflects to the outer world. What matters is how you feel in the role you’re playing and being.
How can we tap into our calling?
“Discovering our soul’s purpose is rarely an event, although epiphanies do happen. More often than not, it’s a process that requires patience and perseverance. In order to discover it, you’ll want to pay attention to what stirs your passion, lights you up, and just comes naturally. When you are living inside your souls purpose, you are often in flow. You’re not that concerned about how much money you are, or are not, making. You feel alive, useful, of service and a part of all that is.”
-Katherine Woodward Thomas
What’s that thing that you do where time stops and you get lost in the moment of engagement? What’s that thing that you always think about doing, but seem to find a reason why you “can’t” or “shouldn’t” do it now?
Friends……that’s exactly where you should look.
Begin this journey of finding your souls calling by following and engaging in the things that make you feel uncomfortable. That thing that you can’t figure out or imagine, yet desire. I suppose I’m encouraging you to go toward The Dream, your dream.
What’s your dream? What do you want? What are you drawn toward?
Begin by looking deeper into these questions. Begin by seeking your own answers to these questions.
Take notice of what you talk about doing and evaluate if it matches what you’re actually doing.
When we’re operating in alignment with our truth and bigger calling, what we say we’re going to do and what we actually do are congruent, meaning it’s in alignment. We all know the talker that “some day” will do “all the things.” We might also know the person who talks and, soon enough, does what they say.
We trust the person whose words matches their actions.
When it all comes down to it, it’s just a clear decision that deciphers these two ways of living in the world. It’s a choice to live in a way where you do what you say.
We hear this all the time: Go toward what scares you. Go toward your fear. The true adventurer and seeker is the person that actually goes toward the fear. Limitless possibilities will appear for the person who is willing to tolerate the discomfort that it takes to go beyond fear. Even if you make it beyond the fear, there’s still timing at play. Good things can take time. Things don’t always look as we expect them too. ( Isn’t this the truth.) Yet, being brave enough to push fear aside and continue on will reward you; I just can’t tell you when or how.
“Each one of us enters this world called to fulfill a particular destiny. For many of us, this calling lies just beyond our conscious awareness, and often, beckons us with a sense of restlessness and dissatisfaction.”
-Katherine Woodward Thomas
Your true calling can only be ignored for so long. Eventually the resistance of acknowledging it’s presence will become too loud and uncomfortable to ignore. As much as this can be a frustrating experience, your emotions are present to push you toward the role you’re here to play and BE.
Allow the discomfort to push you and trust that life is happening in your favor, even though it might not look or feel like it at times.
Cheers to a new year coming…….
*Blog image by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson
Holiday Tips for People Pleasers
Do you have an exaggerated awareness of the needs of others? Meaning do you find yourself overly concerned and aware about what everyone else needs, while ignoring your needs?
People with a hyper ability to please and make sure everything is okay for others are often neglecting their own needs.
It’s tricky because when someone is taking care of it all, from the outside these “hyper hospitable” individuals show up as super thoughtful, helpful and dependable (all good things). They even get feedback from the world that encourages their helpful ways. The catch is that they’re ignoring their needs in honor of showing up for everyone else.
Is that really so great?
What happened to win/win?
It hurts my heart to see people bend over backward and ignore their needs while running around doing everything for other people. (Especially for people who don’t acknowledge and respect the efforts.)
The irony is that we’re always teaching people how to treat us and when we’re ignoring our own needs, guess what, so will everyone else. This is the dangerous cycle of constantly doing, giving and being to everyone other than ourselves.
With that said, in this holiday season of busy and endless things to do, please take a moment to check in with yourself, pause for a hot minute, and make sure you’re tending to yourself.
It’s one thing to support and send love to others, but don’t confuse this with bending over backwards and giving when it’s crossing the boundary to over giving and, ultimately, disrespecting yourself.
Tips For The Holidays
For some people, a card is enough. Don’t stress about giving gifts because you think you “should.” I understand and respect that there’s some people that it’s a personal “must do” to gift too and that’s fine, although, draw the line somewhere.
When you’re exhausted and tired please respect your body. You don’t need to push yourself to please others. Do what you need to do.
Practice allowing others to help you. If you identify as being sensitive and hyper aware of others needs, pause before you jump on the urge “to do” for everyone else. Practice waiting, even if just for a couple seconds, to give other people the space to take care of their own needs. You will be surprised to see what other people are capable of when you allow them to show up for themselves.
This is your holiday season. Enjoy it.
*Image by Photographer Shannon Bailey.
Tapping Into Your Heart Space (What Does that Even Mean?)
When you’re looking for answers, where do you look? Do you rack your mind for what’s logical? Do you try and search for what makes sense?
I understand logical, yet sometimes being so logical is what’s so limiting. Our logical minds want things to make sense, and often, things that are really beautiful and surprising in life don’t make much logical sense. Logic will be there when you need it, although I want to speak to how something, someone or somewhere makes you feel.
Keep in mind that you feel from your heart space and you think from your brain space.
How something makes you feel gives you information that’s so unique and personal. Your feelings about something are speaking to you, whether you pay attention to them or not. Your feelings have the potential to guide you, while acting as your unique personal compass.
The more you pay attention to this internal instrument of yours, the more it will strengthen and help you make good decisions for your life. It can be very valuable for you to become more aware of how you feel about things rather than how you think about things.
“We remember 10 percent of what we read, 20 percent of what we hear, 30 percent of what we see, 40 percent of what we do, and 100 percent of what we feel.”
If you’re looking for answers, what would it mean for you to start practicing the art of feeling? Your practice can start by putting more attention to how people, places and things make you feel. Get familiar with where certain feelings sit and how they feel within your physical body. For example, where does anxiety lie in your body? Where does excitement sit? As you start paying more attention to how these emotions feel in your body you will strengthen your mind/body connection, which will be an invaluable asset to you as you go through life.
FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION EXERCISE
“Wait for your intuition to lead you somewhere, to do something or to reach out to someone. As you do this, one thing after the other will start to unfold. Within this unfolding, remain open allowing yourself to continue to be lead vs. controlling the direction. (Think of having a partner lead you as you dance: two people can’t lead. It’s important to follow and allow for this to work.) Your initial intuitive action will gain momentum as you continue to act and move forward without resistance. As you keep going, in time you’ll be able to look back and see how specific situations and coincidences have lead to your current reality. ”
Following your feeling or intuition is all about noticing the urges and desires that are calling you to act. Your intuition will never fail you if you trust it and stay in the game. Staying in the game requires you to be led and follow, rather than taking control by leading while using your logical mind. Your desires will lead you somewhere interesting and unexpected, that’s for sure. They will lead you to a very different destination then where your logic will take you as you “try” to “figure things out.”
Your intuition will take you to places that you can’t think up. This is why the unexpected moments and random coincidences in life can be so moving; these moments are not planned, you often don’t see them coming, which causes them to be surprisingly refreshing and extraordinary.
Your intuition is fueled by excited, new energy. Energy that is stripped from any routine or knowing. Tap into how you feel about things rather than how you think about things. Play around with this and see where your feelings lead you. I have no doubt that it will be really interesting.
*Above Image take by photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson.
How to Recognize & Hold onto A Good Thing
Good things come and go, correct? Such is life.….
Do we accept that this is how it goes, or do we actively work to tap into our inner knowing so we don’t let those good things go?
Becoming more in tune with what a good thing looks and feels like can help us ditch what’s not so great in our life, while holding onto what is.
Life will offer us a bit of everything, so how do we know when a good thing is right in front of us?
In the land of plenty, how do we know what’s the right thing, person or situation for us?
How do we know when to hold on and how do we know when to let go?
At one point or another, we all have to come up with our own answers to these questions. Life will present us with a varietal of opportunities. Our decisions to go toward or away from these people and situations will pave the path of our life.
No pressure, right?
I remember a time in my life when I spent years in an indecisive place about love.
Is THIS it? Is HE it? Is SHE it? Are THEY it? Are WE it?
I mean, how are you supposed to know what’s up from down in certain situations?
Will we ever? Can we ever?
Here’s what I know.
Going toward what makes you feel good consistently is always a good choice. Move toward what feels good consistently, not sporadically. Sporadic energy tends to feel chaotic. Consistency breeds trust.
Lots of not so great things and people can make us feel good temporarily. A temporary fix tends to be more surface and short lived. Some of us rather take something rather than nothing, yet that’s where many of us get stuck. When the foundation of anything is unstable and ingenuine, it will eventually show its cracks. This is true both figuratively and literally. Whether we’re talking about relationships or a building.
Side Note: * Nobody is perfect, nor is perfection the aim, although unhealthy and destructive people and circumstances do not need your energy friends *
Here are some descriptions on what a good thing usually entails. Hopefully, this can help you evaluate your current experiences in order for you to find clarity around whether you should hold on or let go.
A good thing has a clean paper trial. “History Repeats Itself” is a cliche for a reason.
A good thing feels good (in a healthy way.) Period the end.
A good thing is stable, trusting and accountable.
A good thing says what they mean and means what they say.
A good thing cares about you and it’s obvious.
A good thing is not confusing.
A good thing is not that hard to spot because the right “good thing” for you will stand out amongst the crowd.
A good thing tends to be A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH, for if it wasn't, it wouldn’t be special to your experience. Unique things stand out and are valuable for their rarity, which makes them such a gift.
If you’re still looking for your good thing, keep looking. It’s out there. Don’t settle. Don’t think it “should” be here already. Respect IT’S timing. Look at all the contrast that you’re receiving in your life now as part of the adventure, for one day the adventure will be over and you will be consumed with your good thing.
Lots of love. Cheers to Good Things.
The above image was taken by San Diego based Photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Happiness (Tips Toward Feeling More Fulfilled)
Disappointment is a feeling I really struggle with. I don’t like feeling it; who does?
Yet, I realize and believe that our emotions act as messengers, trying to awaken us with insights and truths. With a recent disappointment under my belt, I was called to do some inner searching in order to find some perspective.
In my heart of hearts, I know that there’s something for me to grow and learn from because of my strong discomfort of disappointment. I realize that I’m not alone here, after all, why would anyone want to be disappointed? I’ll go out on a limb by saying that I don’t think many of us do.
This blog post was inspired by a youtube talk with Tony Robbins who laid out a helpful way to look at the concepts of happiness and expectations. Click the link to listen to the talk, if desired. I’ll do my best to paraphrase and hopefully pass on some perspective to you that I found helpful.
The feeling of unhappiness is a result of believing that your life is not where it should be.
If you think you should be in an intimate relationship, and you’re single you will feel unfulfilled.
If you think you should have a different financial situation then you do, you will feel disappointed.
If you think you should be further along in your career than you are, you will feel lack.
If you think a friend should respond to you any differently than they’re responding you will be frustrated.
Bottom line is that anytime in life you think something should look differently than it actually appears or shows up to be, you will experience disappointment.
Boom. It’s that simple.
We all tend to have an area or areas in our life that we struggle with. It can be our health, relationships, career, family life, financials, etc. Whenever any of these areas don’t meet the expectations that we put on them we will feel anything from discomfort to total pain and suffering. It depends on how far off our expectation is from how something or someone has panned out to be.
What can make matters worse for us is when we feel like we have no control over our current circumstance. Feeling like there’s nothing that we can do to change our mind space or actual external circumstance will really push us over the edge and leave us stuck and disappointed.
Although here’s the reality………..
Friends, there’s always something that can be done to find a more happy state. This is so easy to forget, especially when an event or period of life feels so permanent, stagnant and disappointing. Please remember this especially when you’re stuck and can’t find a way out.
A way out is always there, you just can’t see it yet when you’re in it. Believe this.
If that’s what unhappy is, then what’s happy? Let’s now turn toward the light.
The feeling of happy shows up when your external life matches how you think it should look.
When your health is where you believe it should be given your expectations, you will feel content with that area of your life.
If your career is going how you believe it should and you’re making the amount of money you believe you should, you’ll feel good about that area of your life.
The bottom line is that any area of your life that’s going as you believe it should based on your expectations of how you believe it should be, will bring you feelings of satisfaction.
Knowing what constitutes happiness and unhappiness is a huge advantage because our awareness around these concepts will help us to feel more confident about changing our state when we feel stuck.
Thanks to Tony Robbins, here’s some awesome and straight to the point feedback about how to cope when life doesn’t meet our expectations. You can either:
Change your story of how you believe your life should look. (Change your perspective.)
Change your life, meaning take an action and do something to externally change your life.
Usually change and the road to feeling more content requires a bit of both. Another concept to think about is that we humans have a tendency to think that we know what needs to be happen in order to feel good about our life. The reality is that we don’t always know the exact ingredients or path toward our idea of happy. Proof of this comes in the form of the person who appears to have it all, yet remains unhappy about their life.
Life is not logical. You can’t figure it out by thinking it out. You have to get out there and live it. There’s no exact and direct path toward your unique happy, but you’ll find it if you keep adventuring.
When you stay in the game, life will surprise you if you allow it too.
All in all, this is such a rich topic and my hope is that the above has helped you think about your own life and expectations that may be blocking you from feeling more joy. It’s amazing what a perspective shift can do. Often, when you change your perspective your awareness heightens and you become more in tune with the inspired action to take that will lead you to make a change for the better.
Keep looking. You will find your happy as you keep your head in the game of life.
Above image by Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Perspectives to Enjoy Your Life (Regardless of the Circumstances)
I’m loving the Master Class Podcasts that Oprah puts on. She speaks with a cool range of people, keeping each interview intriguing and different. Every person shares their life journey, connecting the dots with the specific opportunities and circumstances which has lead to their success.
I love it because as you listen to each accomplished person, you realize that you can plan all you want, yet ultimately life inserts and throws in the curve balls that create the ride of your life.
Sometimes these “curve balls” are disguised as tragedies, love stories, illness or great opportunities. We don’t get to pick the form, but we do get to choose how we respond to what’s placed in our path.
I recently listened to the podcast that featured Susan Sarandon, an academy award winning actress. I found myself enamored with her whole story as it appears that she has mastered the art of flowing with her life. I believe that when you dance with life vs. white knuckling it according to your plan, you create the space for limitless and beautiful things to present themselves.
Here’s a piece of the conversation that really spoke to me.
“I think when you’re going through life, you have to be open about the framing of what you want. I mean, in a way, I’m here because all my plans failed and I say that kiddingly, but it’s true. I think that the thing that has served me the best has been flexibility and being able to adapt and… to have an idea of going somewhere, but when something crosses my path, having the ability and the sense to go “Oh, you know, maybe, actually, that’s a better direction.”
I think you have to listen to your heart and not think that there’s a rational way to plan out your life because life isn’t rational. You can never be safe. You can never be sure. In love. In life. In your profession…. ”
I love this quote because it speaks to the rational sense that we all have ingrained within us. This sense can serve us and, at times, can absolutely get in the way. The reality is that sometimes life and the path toward that thing that really lights us up doesn’t make much sense. There’s an irrational plan that might not spark your interest and in that case your work is to listen to your inner intuition and turn away from what’s not calling you. Alternatively, life will also present the opportunities that don’t make rational sense, yet something within our hearts cannot stop thinking about them. Those things that linger within, become louder with time and the thought of it unfolding lights you up; Those are the things that lead to fascinating places.
The story that unfolds when one follows that kind of a pull intrigues me. It’s often what leads to the mind blowing realities of life. The real good stuff.
Because you went, you found that love. Because you followed that inner voice, you stumbled upon your passion. Because you decided to listen to yourself, you find yourself living a life that you choose and feel peaceful about. In my opinion, these are the rich and fulfilling aspects of life.
Showing up curious and brave enough to step toward the unknown is always greatly rewarded when well intentioned.
We all have different needs and wants based on our specific life circumstances. We, also, all have specific desires that whisper and call us. My hope is that you pay attention and listen to that inner guidance.
What would it mean for you to become curious about that voice and pay attention to what it’s saying?
If anything, allow the desire to be present. Do your best to acknowledge it. Trust that life has a really interesting way of showing up and sprinkling in opportunities and people when we remain open and allowing.
“If you’re too sure of everything; that’s death. What’s been great about my life is that I haven’t seen any of it coming.”
Cheers to the adventure.
Above image is by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
The Art of Letting Go
As much as I believe in talking something out, I also believe that there’s a time and place where, in order to stay balanced and healthy, a pestering issue needs to be laid to rest. Overly talking about and ruminating over an issue, can easily become more the issue. Meaning, too much attention on the perceived problem becomes the problem itself. Trying to figure out the problem. Trying to understand the problem. Worrying about the problem. Talking in circles about the problem.
This bad habit causes suffering and leads to absolutely nowhere.
Being a natural over analyzer myself, I’ve personally found that after enough healthy introspection has been done around a specific issue, turning toward what’s light, inspiring and fun is an important step toward moving beyond something. When you’re going through something difficult, you have to be reminded that there’s joy on the other side of the issue. You need proof that you can feel good again. You can only find this proof when you allow yourself to be in the space outside the worry.
The other day, I randomly grabbed a magazine to read at the local library. I happened to turn right to an article that impacted me and was the source of inspiration for this blog. It was titled, It’s Time to Graduate From Self-Defeating Habits and Begin Your Glorious Future, by Martha Beck. I thought about the glorious future that I’m going toward and decided to read on.
I loved the simplicity of the author’s message when advising about how to get over a hardship. It was free of any sort of psychoanalysis and headiness, which is an approach that I very much appreciate and believe in as a therapist myself.
Here’s what she said:
“I want you to pick a day when you’ll be over this. It can be in a week or a year, but that will be your graduation day. Once it comes, you’re done with this subject.”
That’s right. Just decide and accept that “it’s done” and let it go. Graduate from the burden of your worry and just decide it’s beyond you. Hell yes! Process your stuff. Feel the emotions and then, please, learn to put it behind you.
Believe me, I get the “How the hell do you even do that? How do you let something go that was so significant, hurtful and the source of so much pain?” I write this post with conviction because (I was-SLASH- can still be) the girl that struggles to let a painful hurt go. It’s been one of my major life lessons that I continue to hone.
With no clue of how to let something go in my past, my over thinking and circling around a painful topic in conversations with friends or in my own head became more my issue. The issue wasn’t what had happened that initially caused me pain, it was how I was coping with it. Attempting to move forward while bringing my past crap into the present put a residue on every new situation. For example, when on a date with a hot new man, it was too bad that all I could think about was my hurt from my past relationship that was also on the date with us. A total set up for a crash and burn outcome. It was like carrying around stinky laundry everywhere I went. I freshened up all I could, but no matter how cleaned up I became, I always had the stink of my past with me. It put a damper on every new possibility.
To give you a picture of my inability to “let pain go,” I remember feeling really pissed off when friends changed the subject on my pain or didn’t hold the space for me to talk about it for the 100th time. I was convinced that, “They don’t care” or “They don’t get it.” Now, if this response from my people occurred when I initially went to them to seek support, these thoughts would have had more validity. However, after months and years of struggling with being caught in my own head, I see how their lack of attention to my perpetual need to talk about what had happened was their loving attempt to help me move forward. They didn’t want to give my obsessive thoughts more energy.
We have all experienced the person who appears to be continually stuck on something or someone. I’m all for processing through an issue so it can sit somewhere within that is more settled, although there’s a tipping point where there’s no more to say or do and it’s time to let go.
Think about what you’re still holding onto and pick a graduation day. Commit in your heart that when this day comes you will be graduated from this problem, meaning it will be officially behind you. The cool concept about graduation is that when you graduate from something, there’s no going back.
“We graduate every time we step forward without moving back.”
You can’t go back to high school because you have already graduated. You can’t redo something that’s done. So be done. Do what you need to do to work through your emotions and give yourself a specific date for the issue to be put in the past with the door firmly, yet comfortably closed. You deserve to walk into your future with light and love in your heart. In order to do this you need to free yourself of the heavy pains and burdens that you’re carrying with you into your future. It’s shading your light.
Free yourself friends by letting go. Your life will improve if you do so.
Above image is by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Simplicity (The Power of Less)
Lately, I’ve had a huge desire to weed out what no longer serves me and clear out what’s not necessary in my life. As far as external things, I’ve been clearing things that either A) I don’t want because I’m simply over it or B) The expiration date has past and it’s time to refresh and renew. On an internal level, I’ve been paying attention to the relationships, thoughts and activities that are either calling me and adding to my life or not.
A couple weeks ago I listened to one of Oprah’s Master Class Podcast’s that featured Lenny Kravitz. The way he spoke about concepts of minimalism and simplicity really struck me.
Here’s the particular quote from the podcast that really jumped out:
“I enjoy things. I enjoy beautiful things. Great lines and design, the integrity of how things are made, but at the same time, I find that when I am being extremely simple that I’m the most free. I’m happy. When I have less choices, that’s less time thinking about what it is I should be wearing, doing, whatever it is and I’m free to really focus on me. What it is I’m doing. My trailer is on the beach in the Bahamas. It’s a little airstream trailer and it’s this cozy, safe womb. There’s not a lot of room, but you feel really free in there because you know what your boundaries are. It feels really good to be constricted to a small space like that. My life has always been about contrast, that’s just what I’m attracted too, but at the end of the day, the simple way wins.”
I can really identify with the feeling of freedom that less brings. When you don’t have so many things and so much stuff to pay attention too, keep track of, lug around, pay for and deal with, there really is so much more space to just BE. Both figuratively and literally.
Why do some of us have so much stuff?
It can be scary to not have enough stuff and things to distract ourselves and hide in. In the same sense that open space has freed Lenny Kravitz, some of us may find ourselves avoiding this open space because it requires us to have to sit and look at ourselves. ( I know I can identify with this at certain points of my life; especially when my emotions were high and painful to confront.) It can feel so intimidating to face the raw truth of who we are and how we are showing up that we create lives designed to keep us busy with a lot of unimportant things.
We also have so much stuff because there is so much stuff out there. It’s a bit nuts how many options for everything there is right now. There are so many options, so many things, so many people. Knowing how to weed through all the different choices that life presents without becoming totally overwhelmed is an important life skill to acquire. I know it has become more of a struggle for me to find the calm amongst all the different choices, even if I’m just talking about buying a freaking lamp! This is why, for me, keeping things simple is of such high value. It’s helping me to stay more centered, more internally quiet and and more clear as I continue to navigate my life.
How can you start working on freeing space for yourself?
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and unclear, it may be helpful for you to shift that headspace by cleaning out your external space. It can be really eye opening for you to see how the weight that you hold internally can be freed as you externally rid of what no longer serves you.
Complete things that deserve completion in your life.
Meaning, finish that book you’ve been wanting to finish. Call that friend that things are grey with and clear up the confusion. Make sure that you are completing things in your life because everything that lays around incomplete is taking up space. If you decide you don’t want to complete it, then let it go.
Let go of things that you know longer want to carry, both emotionally and physically. Make the choice to free yourself of unneeded weight.
It’s never a bad idea to clean up your space. After all, less is more , right? My hope was for this post to inspire you to purge what you no longer need in order to make space for what really matters and what makes you happy.
*Image above is of @oftenwander by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
5 Tips (How to Make Better Life Choices)
Decisions, decisions. They can be so hard. I mean, which decision is "right?!"
What choice is best for me? What choice is going to be best for everyone involved? Is this choice bad? Is this choice "wrong?" Is this choice selfish? Seriously, it can be so confusing and overwhelming, especially when our decisions involve big change and impact other people.
The reality is that being human requires us to make decisions. Making no decision is a decision. I've been at points of my life where I've completely stalled because I didn't know what "the right thing to do" was. (I'm sure you can relate.) Taking time to think things through is one thing, although sitting in the grey for too long can create it's own set of issues. There's no escaping making decisions for our lives, so here are some thoughts on how to feel more confident about the decisions that are currently requesting your attention.
1. Consider the Opinion of a Legit Source
When you're on the fence about a choice, it can be beneficial to turn to a legit source who has knowing and opinions that you value. When you're contemplating a decision and someone that you respect has relevant experiences to share, keep your ears open. Want to be a doctor? Talk to a practicing physician that you enjoy who has concrete advice. Want to travel somewhere interesting? Seek out conversations with like minded adventurers who travel to destinations that excite you. Be mindful that these are outside opinions, however, when opinions come from a trusted and valued source, I considered that to be GOLD.
2. Tap Into Your Core Values
What you value acts as a compass toward making decisions that align with who you are and what you stand for. Think of each of your core values as guiding lights; lighting the path before you in the direction that's uniquely "right" for you. When you're clear about what's important to you, you'll make decisions with more ease.
Defining core values helps you get in tune with who you are and what you enjoy. Be aware that your preferences will change as you continue to grow and expand. What you once enjoyed can change over time. Sometimes it's just a habit that keeps us doing what we have always done, whether we still gain pleasure from it or not. With that said, it can be beneficial to check in with who and where you are in your life now in order to make more updated choices that honor the present you.
3. Sit on It
Some decisions require you to take a step back and get quiet in order to listen for what the right thing to do is. Allow yourself time to sit with your choices. Be mindful of external forces pushing you to make a decision before you're ready to make one. I understand that some decisions do have and need a timeline, but make sure you have some empty space so you can hear yourself without interference from the outside.
4. Feel it Out
Feel about the decisions that lay before you. That might sound weird, let me further explain.
How you feel about your life and the experiences, opportunities and people in it is huge. Sometimes you can't sum up how you feel in words, although how you feel about something never fails. The tricky part is matching how you feel with what you decide to do. It's like the feeling that surfaces when you're literally walking in the wrong direction, it just doesn't feel right. Get to know that feeling so you can identify it and act on it.
“At the end of the day people won’t remember what you said or did, they will remember how you made them feel.”
How can you make good decisions if you're not aware of how you feel? By slowing down and checking in more frequently with yourself you can, overtime, become more in tune with how you feel about things vs. how you think about things. This will help you make better choices.
5. Take the Pressure Off
A quote that I always think about when I make major choices in my life is a John Burroughs quote, "Leap and the net will appear." Meaning, make a move and something will come in to support you and help direct you further. This really is how it works in life.
This quote helps me "dumb down" decision making. It takes my view on choices from a level 9 to a level 3 in scary factor. It helps me remember that the chances of me ruining my life in a single choice is a pretty extreme perspective that's going to keep me in fear and stagnant, which is scary in itself.
Take a breath, get grounded and make the best decision that you know to make in the moment that an answer is being requested. That's the best any of us can do.
Many decisions, especially major ones, come into existence because of the small choices that we're making along the way. For example, usually multiple different choices and events lead to the decision to either leave or stay in a established relationship. It's more rare to have one single event happen that changes everything.
Also, remember that most everything is temporary in life. We're going to make decisions that lead to something we don't necessarily want or like, that's part of living. However, perhaps we have to go down those mirky roads in order to get to an elevated place within ourselves and our lives. Trust this.
Hopefully, these tips spoke to you and can help you navigate your way with more confidence. Trust that when you make a move, something or someone other than you will swoop in to support you or help you get clear on which direction to go in. Although, you have to start down the path by making a choice, which will then set the flow of life in motion. Trust that the flow of life will help you navigate your way from there.
Now, get after it and make a move.....
* The above image was taken by photographer, Renata Amazonas.
A Reframe About Pursuing Success
There are individuals everywhere who have all the external components that we would imagine define "success," yet there's no happiness underneath it all.
The truth is that no external thing can make you a happy person long term.
You can feel the short term hit of dopamine and happiness by acquiring or getting what you’ve always wanted externally, yet it’s just a matter of time where the “high” acquiring will wear off.
This may lead us to question what the term success means for us personally. Once we can define that more clearly for ourselves, it's less likely for us to go down a mindless and empty path toward gadgets, relationships and stuff that lead to nowhere.
Personal success looks different for all of us. Be true and consistent to what it looks like for you.
Here's a quote intended to help you get more clear about your own unique relationship with the concept of success.
“Don’t aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run—in the long-run, I say!—success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it.”
I love this quote. It highlights an important path toward the kind of happiness and joy that benefits all within reach.
So often we can get caught in the trap of trying so hard to achieve to gain a certain result. For the record, I've become really weary of the word "trying" at this point in my life. "Trying" to make a certain something happen. "Trying" to attain the ideal relationship. "Trying" to make a certain amount of money. "Trying" to get to where the grass (in our heads) is greener. Too much trying can back fire and sends off an anxious and, at times, needy vibe.
Trying too hard, often, is the exact action that's keeping us from receiving what we desire.
Don't get me wrong. I'm all about goals and creating markers toward personal achievement, however there's an artful balance of knowing when to tug and when to loosen up. It's a skill to learn how to go after something with an attitude of openness and flexibility, but without need and desperation. Needless to say, the results of these two approaches are very different.
Practicing allowing and loosening your grip of the drivers seat of your life, sometimes is the specific ingredient needed to open up enough space for that thing you really want to sneak in.
Endless trying paired with no real satisfying results will lead us feeling empty and discouraged.
The irony is that when we let go and stop trying so hard we naturally begin to start living by enjoying what we do have. When we can find joy in what's already full in our lives, that's when things have an uncanny way of coming together and more good things are created.
Trust this. Follow what feels good. Follow what feels right in your heart vs. where your logical mind believes success lives. When you do this, the chances that you will experience the kind of happiness that's deep and sustaining is more likely.
* The above image was taken by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
A Licensed Therapist's 5 Truths to a Life Worth Living
1. If you don’t use it, you lose it.
Isn’t that the freaking truth? Body, mind, heart & soul. They all need your attention friends. Your body needs movement. Your mind needs stimulation. Your heart needs love and connection and your soul needs to feel fulfilled.
2. When something hurts, stop and listen.
I mean this on various levels; physically, mentally and emotionally. Our pain is speaking to us. Our job is to pay attention and to decode what it's trying to tell us. If something is hurting, whether it be your physical body or heart; stop, listen and give yourself some space to work it out. Take time to ground and allow the message that wants your attention to come through.
3. Learn to Sit With Silence.
Sometimes there’s nothing to say. Learning to sit in silence and not fill the space, both verbally and externally will help you stay more clear and centered. When you're not trying to fill the space, it’s always interesting to witness what comes up to fill it besides you.
4. Practice Trusting That Life is Happening as IT Should.
Things have an interesting way of working out if you can genuinely remove yourself from the drivers seat of your life. Like anything in life, when you let go of holding on so tight, things have a way of falling into their own natural rhythm.
5. When Someone Shows You Who They Are, Believe Them The First Time.
This is an Oprah statement that really resonated with me. It’s so easy to validate and create a story that excuses negative behavior of the people around us. On the flip side, when someone who you don’t know well or at all, really shows up for you in a positive way, that’s important to pay attention to as well. People are constantly showing us who they are via the way they treat us and others and through their actions. Who you let into your life is a big deal. Pay attention to the character of others.
Cheers.
* Image taken by Amy Lynn Bjornson.
How To Cope During Difficult Times
Learning to pick yourself up after going through a difficult time is a life skill that is learned. Some of us had the good fortune of being surrounded with people who modeled healthy ways of coping during hard times in life; while others of us didn't. Usually our family, friends and other impactful people of our past is who we looked to in order to know what to do during hard times. For better or for worse.
For the record, just like any skill, you can learn techniques and perspectives that will help you pass through the hard stuff with more ease. It's a matter of trying different coping skills on and exploring which ones work for you.
Here's a couple perspectives for you to revisit or try on when life throws you a tricky obstacle.
Express Yourself
Talk to the people in your life whom you trust and who can hold space for you to just BE. Feeling listened to is beyond healing. Writing is another great way to explore, process and release feelings. Do what you know to do in order to express your emotions.
Move Your Body
Your mind and body are connected. Moving your physical body around can help your emotions cycle and push through.
Give Yourself Space
Give yourself space and time to allow the challenge to be processed. Think of your mind as a computer needing to download a heavy file. When our life experiences are dense in emotions, it's important for us to allow time and space for our feelings to be processed.
Focus on Your Needs
It's always important to consider yourself, although, this is especially true when you're experiencing a difficult challenge in your life. Do your best to focus on what you need. Give yourself space to push other people out of your bubble, even if just for a couple minutes, in order to get in tune with what you need.
Breathe
When all else fails; Breathe friends. Focus on your breath. Use your breath to focus you back into the present. Pay attention to where your breath is coming from in your body. Is your breathing shallow (coming from your chest) or stomach? I can always tell when clients are worked up and anxious because they come in breathing and talking from their chest. Their voice is higher pitched and fast. You want your breath to come from your stomach, not your chest. Use your breath to help soothe you. Use the rhythm of your breath to calm and help ground you.
These are a few quick tips that I hope can give you something to grab onto when you don't know how to cope. As much as hard times challenge us, they also push us to grow in ways that are beyond what we think we're capable of.
This is the silver lining of the difficult times.
* Image by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
10 Quick Grounding Perspectives
We all need a little pick me up from time to time.
Here are some quick words and perspectives to help you create a more productive and healthy mindset. I know, for me, it's always helpful to start my day with perspectives that give me energy, hope and just, straight up, make me to feel better.
Let’s begin.
1. Remember that what you might be upset about now, will eventually pass and feel lighter.
2. Change your perspective; Change your life. It's that simple.
3. Bad moods are supposed to be; without them we wouldn’t be able to recognize the happy moments.
4. To begin, just begin. Don’t make starting something a bigger deal than it is.
5. If it’s meant to work out, it will. It’s a cliche for a reason.
6. It won’t be a big deal, if you don’t make it a big deal. Don’t make unimportant things a big deal. It’s a waste of your time.
7. Just be loving. Doing so will direct you down the more fulfilling path while connecting you to good things along the way.
8. Contrast is a must in life. It allows us to see all sorts of emotions and textures.
9. Trust timing. Trust the bigger picture. Let go of control. Often, that’s when things have the space to fall into place.
10. When you're tired, give yourself the gift of rest. When you have energy and curiosity, get after it. Learn to listen to your body and respect it.
How to Attract the Love You're Looking For
Why can we overlook or, in some instances, be 100% blind to love even when it shows up right in front of our eyes?
We often will say that we're looking for and desire love, yet when potential options present themselves, we quickly pass them by, tear them apart with judgement or overlook them completely.
Um, what's going on here?
I recently read something that spoke a bit to these questions. The words below resonated with me to the point where I wanted to share them with you. The topic of love and relationships is so vast. It is beyond me to attempt to explain IT nor sum it up in a short blog post. Although, piece by piece, day by day, experience by experience and relationship by relationship the pieces, often, have a natural way of coming together like a spider web if you stay aware and present.
It's a given that whatever you're in a struggle with internally will be reflected to the people and experiences around you, especially within your search for love. If you harbor a lot of self judgment, you will naturally be more judgmental of others. If it's difficult for you to find self acceptance, it will be a struggle for you to accept others and so on.
Often we're looking outwardly for love. However, beginning your search with self reflection can help lead the way.
Here is a quote for you to think about as you pursue the path to love in your own life:
"If you are operating under the assumption that who you are before the surgery, underneath the hair dye, and without the makeup is unacceptable, then you may find yourself driven to find a mate with all of the "perfect" criteria (the "right job," "right look," from the "right family") as a way to compensate for what you consider to be your own inadequacies. You may find someone who has all of those external qualities and think, for a while anyway, that you have found love. But, sooner or later, these relationships tend to reveal themselves to be somewhat empty and soulless. The kind of love that we are looking for rarely comes from this way of seeking. There is no heart in it and soul connections are always revealed in the heart. That's why love doesn't always look the way you might think it should. Just like you, yourself, may not look the way you think you should."
-Katherine Woodward Thomas
I'm going to leave you to sit with that. It was powerful for me, as I hope it will be for you.
Often, the most treasured gifts in our lives, are not presented to us in the way we believe they should and ought to be. This so is true for relationships.
*Above image by photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson.