RADICAL HONESTY (what it is & how it will expand your self growth)
One practice that can expand your level of self growth is radical honesty.
What is Radical Honesty?
Radical Self honesty calls the suppressed parts of self to the surface. It’s a practice that asks you to be 100% authentic (or as truthful as you’re capable of at the moment) with yourself. Especially the parts of self that are easy to blow off, ignore or hide because of the uncomfortable emotions and feelings connected with those parts or life experiences.
At some time or another, we’ve all probably experienced the struggle that comes with opening up about certain topics and emotions that are uncomfortable and sensitive. It’s like touching an injured physical part of yourself. It’s tender and sensitive to the touch until it heals.
The emotional parts of self are no different. We just can’t physically see our emotionally wounded parts, which makes it easier for some of us to compartmentalize them or ignore what needs healing and attention.
From first glance this concept can seem trivial, simple even. You might even wonder why I’m writing a whole blog post on the topic of honesty. I mean, what more is there to say? Be honest with yourself, simple, right?
W E L L………
From my experience as a therapist, one thing that I’ve continuously witnessed through the years is how hard it can be for some of us to see and face “the truth.” The truth meaning the hard facts of what did happen, what is happening and what it all means and where it has placed us on this ever moving, giant, blue & green colored (as pictured in my head) ball called Earth.
Why I’m writing this post: So you stop or don’t start hiding from your truth.
Radical honesty, however simple it may seem to some, is something that many of us hide from.
Many of us do hide from our uncomfortable parts. Many of us live our entire lives hiding.
Some of us never get to a moment in our lives where we can fully see and accept the truth of what happened or didn’t happen and where we are now because of how everything has fallen into place.
The concept of radical honesty is vast. It’s big. It requires bravery to admit the truth. Especially a truth that’s dirty, scary and is filled with shame and embarrassment. Facing such a thing is a huge feat. Please don’t downplay it and honor this courageous act on your part.
Why Practice Radical Honesty?
Until we stop hiding from our truth, it will be merely impossible to not distract, avoid or numb out. We have to keep up our unhealthy distractions to continue to black out the screams coming from our unhealed parts.
Not accepting what is or what happened is where addictions are born. It’s where disconnected relationships live, primarily the disconnect within yourself. So, to say it straight, being fully transparent with yourself is a key ingredient to an expanded self.
“Your ability to see yourself through the lens of radical honesty is the foundation of emotional maturity, and this vantage point will help you make decisions from a place of active clarity, instead of a place of passive unconsciousness.” - Lighter, Yung Pueblo (love him!)
3 Major Benefits of Radical Honesty
More clarity within. More clarity within allows you to make life decisions and every day choices that align with your true self, which, (you guessed it) will lead to results that are more fit for you. Opportunities, people and life will play out in a way that’s more in tune with who you are at the core.
Facing what’s scary and hard is what allows “it” to lose it’s power over you. The hardest part of facing what’s scary is building yourself up to face it or do it. However, usually, once we get ourselves to do just that, (confront the beast) what was so scary looses it’s power over us. (*Also, usually, it’s never as scary as we thought. )
I encourage you to, little by little, go toward your fear and, over time, with intention and doing the work, your fear will diminish.
You will attract more authentic people and experiences to you because authentic self honesty attracts authentic external honesty. Simply put; Honesty internally attracts honesty externally. It’s that simple. It’s that magnetic.
Problems That Arise When Were Not Radically Honest With Ourselves
The truth is, whatever we don’t fully heal doesn’t miraculously go away. As we have all heard, the only way out is through and so is true with difficult emotions. Anything that we haven’t fully processed will manifest and be expelled in some other way, shape or form. Repressed emotions can be expressed through your anxiety, your anger, your over eating, your overuse of alcohol, your lack of self confidence or your depression. Need I say more?
This post is to encourage you to look toward the parts of self that need and are calling for your attention. In order for any issue, past trauma or stuck emotion to heal, it needs to “face the light” in order to be tended to and laid to rest peacefully within.
My intention for guiding you toward your “uncomfortable” aspects of self is, not to torture you, rather it’s to expand you. My intention is to help you heal and get beyond the blocks that are holding you back.
(Before I go further, I would love to clarify the following: *This post is not focused toward persons who have experienced high levels of trauma. In the case of high trauma it’s important to work with an experienced professional to unpack unprocessed traumatic events.)
Who is this post for?
This post is for the person whose functioning, yet is experiencing a lack of fulfillment and blockage, whether conscious or not, due to a denial of the truth. Meaning, a person whom either lacks self awareness or is consciously choosing to deny the truth of what has happened or what is happening in their present moment experience.
Are you with me? I hope so, because looking at something that has been buried away within can be really intimidating, but worth the work.
In order for you to identify your unique “hard truth(s),” I will ask you to spend some time looking at any avoidant behaviors or topics where you experience resistance. *Note: Usually, distractions, busyness, addictions and negative habits are formed, unconsciously or not, for us to avoid what we don’t want to admit, deal with or look at. Generally, we avoid in order to numb out difficult aspects of ourselves. This is a defense mechanism in order to keep a difficult truth away. This is what leads us down a road of struggle.
Oh, the struggle is real too.
When we have a habit of turning our attention away from the truth, negative habits & distractions build, while creating major havoc in our lives.
Questions for Self Reflection & Exploration of Blocked Truths
Here are 4 questions to help you explore and potentially help you discover the areas of your own life where you may be hiding or avoiding “the truth.”
What topics (if any) do you avoid when they come up? (in life, in conversation?)
What do you do to avoid thinking about or talking about such a topic? (change the subject, push it away, etc)
Are you experiencing any symptoms that are effecting your emotional and/or mental wellness? (ex: trouble sleeping, anxiety, depression, lack of energy, low self concept, feeling lost, etc)
Are there any insights that you have about your behaviors or symptoms which you intuitively know are connected with a tendency to pull away from your truth?
“Okay! I’m ready! How do I practice radical honesty?”
Questions to Help You Untangle Your Hidden or Rejected Truths
How do you face things that feel too scary and difficult to face?
Generally speaking, little by little and maybe with the help of a professional depending on the level of resistance and blockage around “your truth” and lack of acceptance of what is. Start with respecting and accepting where you’re at in terms of your relationship with the truth. It’s like anything in life that feels really intimidating or nearly impossible, you just go one step at a time and build on that.
Also, increasing your level of introspection, self awareness and emotional intelligence will help you gain the tools and confidence to go toward the “scary” stuff.
How do you accept things that feel impossible to accept?
It might take awhile to find and arrive at “acceptance.” It’s a process to work through hard issues, losses and moments in our lives where there is resistance. Begin with accepting where you are currently. Whether it’s pretty or not. The concept of shift and change begins with acceptance.
What are strategies that can help me face hard emotions around the “truth” of my current circumstances & past?
Make sure your words are matching your actions. Does what you say match what you do? Are you telling yourself and others the truth (a fact) or a story (a fantasy?) Start practicing radical honesty by being truthful on a daily basis with simple things.
Allow space for difficult emotions to come up, process and be experienced so they can pass. Allow a figurative “winter season” to be there. You might find yourself wanting more quiet or more sleep during this period of pushing through hard emotions. Heads up: Doing this work can feel exhausting not only mentally, but physically too.
In a nutshell; Be gentle & patient with yourself.
All my feedback speaks generally to how to start doing the deep inner work that being radically honest requires. There’s work to be done beyond this blog post, but if you feel like these words have opened something up for you, there are a lot of ways to continue to build your level of self to further explore your suppressed parts.
For some this might mean seeking out a licensed mental health professional. Some might want to start with getting their self care basics in order (see below.) Some might want to sit with the words from this post and see what opens up from allowing this material to sink in.
Here are some general practices, that when done consistently and when they become a lifestyle, really help to balance your energy and help you expand to your best version of self.
Practices that Encourage Further Self Growth & Awareness
find a mental health therapist to further explore (if appropriate & the right next step for you)
develop a journaling practice
develop a meditation practice
move your body consistently
eat balanced & well
be mindful of your alcohol & caffeine intake
practice healthy boundaries with Yourself & Others
work on exploring your self identity
be consistent with your sleep schedule
(All these “little” things have the potential to lead to big change. I’ve seen clients change one small habit that, overtime, led to a massive life change. *Note: Don’t dumb down what tiny small shifts in everyday habits can do for your life.)
As always, thank you for reading. Thank you for being here with me. Truly. I’m always listening, so don’t hesitate to reach out with any questions, topic suggestions or whatever else I can help with. Cheers my friends!
The book I’m currently reading and loving: TINY BEAUTIFUL THINGS
*Above image is by photographer, Ashley Williams.
Healthy Perspectives for a New Year
Just as the weather varies, the same is true for our emotional state. It changes. It shifts. We experience all kinds of emotions as we go through our days.
The changing of emotions is not a negative unless we see it to be. It’s neutral. It is what it is. It’s the human experience.
There’s a healthy range of contrast that your emotions will naturally go through. Accepting the contrast of your emotional life will bring much less suffering and more peace to your days.
(*For this post, I’m referring to a healthy range of emotions. I’m not speaking to unstable emotional states that dip dramatically and cause problems in your career and/or personal life.)
It can be snowing (figuratively) in your world emotionally and then quickly become sunny; just like that.
Meaning, you could be fired by your job and two weeks later land the business opportunity that you’ve been waiting for.
You can be devastated by a break up and then fall back in love months later.
It can happen. It does happen.
Things can change fast in life. Things do change fast in life.
When you’re living fully your emotional world will have turbulence and fluctuations. That’s the consequence of putting yourself “out there” in the world and taking chances.
How well you navigate your life’s “turbulence,” meaning the different states, moods, emotions and experiences, will dictate your level of happiness. Judgement of your circumstances and seeing them as “bad” will bring you sorrow and pain. Viewing your life as a constant opportunity to learn and grow will help you keep your spirits bright, even within the darkness.
The judgement of your current circumstance effects your emotional state more so than the actual event.
Remember this, as this will always be true.
It’s not what happens to you; it’s how you perceive what is happening.
Resistance toward what is happening will always make things harder than they actually are.
This is not to discount your pain. Rather, it’s to highlight what you can control, which is your perspective.
Do your best to see things as they are. Watch any tendency to taint an experience with a negative story or judgment . This will help you to see things with more clarity and truth.
In a nutshell, it’s how you decide to feel about what’s happening to you and the labels that you put upon your circumstance that dictates how you will feel and, furthermore, how your life plays out.
One thing to remember if you’re in the mist of an emotionally difficult time is that a mental blue bird sky is coming. Meaning, a break from “the hard.”
What’s a blue bird sky?
definition: denoting or relating to a period of time characterized by sunny, cloudless weather, typically after a night of snowfall.
WAIT. FOR. THE. BLUE BIRD. SKY. AS. IT. WILL. EVENTUALLY. APPEAR.
Just as fast as a storm can push out and leave a blue bird sky, the circumstances of your life can change on a dime.
A love can appear. A positive opportunity can present. A new friendship can blossom. New people, places and things are waiting to engage with you if you can open your eyes to the possibilities.
You have to believe that good things can and will happen for you; for good things to come your way.
why would you think that good things can’t happen for you?
why would you think that you are exempt from experiencing the beautiful things that life holds?
why would you be the one left out from experiences that you desire?
(*Feel free to use these journal prompts to explore any blocks that are limiting your happiness and belief in positive outcomes.)
Sometimes, we can’t imagine anything changing in our lives and feel extremely stuck in our circumstances. If you can gain flexibility in your thinking to believe that things can shift and change, movement and flow will increase around you and you will find your circumstances shifting.
JUST. AS. A. BLUE BIRD. SKY. GOES. FROM. GREY. TO. BLUE.
THE. CIRCUMSTANCES. OF. YOUR. LIFE. CAN. IMPROVE. WITH. GOOD PERSPECTIVE. WELL INTENTION. AND. BELIEF. IN. POSSIBILITIES.
Please remember these words, especially in times where life presents you with its hardships and challenges.
Happy 2023. Wishing you joy, good things, adventures, growth and sending you love and good energy to catapult this year. Yew!
Thanks for being here with me.
*Above image is by photographer, Ashley Williams.