In a Relationship Where You're Both Depressed? (Tips on How to Cope)
Depression is a state that effects many, although what is one supposed to do when that depression is the third party in a romantic relationship? They say, three’s a crowd, right? Depression is not a fun friend to have when your intention is to be in a healthy, positive and loving partnership.
I recently contributed to a MINDBODYGREEN article, one of my go to health & wellness blogs, on this very topic. Click the link below to read the full post.
Featured on MINDBODYGREEN BLOG
*Image by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Inner Child Work (What it is & How to Connect to Your Inner Child)
ln the world of psychology talk of the “inner child” may sound intimidating or “a bit too “woo- woo” for some. Especially for those of us not familiar with this kind of language. If this is the case for you, bare with me. I’m going to break this subject down in a way where you can understand it and, perhaps, even use it to enhance your personal growth.
Below is a mini Q & A for you to gain more understanding on the topic of the inner child.
Here. We. Go……
Q: I hear the term “inner child” thrown around in the world of psychology/self help. What does that even mean?
The term “inner child” often refers to the part of you that can be holding onto past pains, hurts, traumas and emotional distress that’s affecting your ability to function and make healthy choices, whether it’s conscious or not, in your present life.
It’s suggested that if you have a “wounded” past self within, this part of self will “act out” that pain within your adult life and relationships. When our inner child is holding onto past pain and without peace, we can find ourselves, in the present, making choices from that hurt place within .
The thought behind inner child work is that once the “old wound” is addressed and healed, we will no longer have the unconscious pull for our pain from the past to show up in our present. Think of a physical wound and it’s healing process. If a deep cut was never taken care of it’s going to look physically different years later than if it was properly tended to and addressed at the time of injury. So is the same with our emotional pain. You can’t visibly see emotional pain, so it can go under the radar and be dismissed if we’re not attentive to it.
Q: Some people might be a little skeptical about the idea of an inner child. Can everyone get in touch with their inner child if they choose?
Absolutely! Everyone whose open to exploring the relationship with their inner child can connect with this aspect of themselves. With that said, individuals that have skepticism around whether this part of them exists, would need to do some work on increasing their belief and unblocking the resistance around this concept in order to fully “go there.” Generally speaking, resistance is a common barrier that needs to be released in order to dive into an area of life or self that has blockage or disbelief.
Areas where we have blocks or resistance, usually, are the areas where there’s inner work to be done. It reminds me of the saying: “Go Toward Your Fear.”
The truth is, it often takes discomfort to grow.
When things are comfortable it presents no motivation for us to change or challenge our situation.
Q: What are some of the ways your inner child might show up in your life? (Both, Positive & Negative)
Situations that trigger intense emotions tend to awaken our inner child or “old wounds.” Look for areas of discomfort, helplessness, fear, anxiety, a lack of control and grief. Generally, keep your eye out for situations that bring up resistance and a high emotional response. Look for a response that doesn’t align with the emotional intensity of the event. For example, getting enraged about something that most would consider trivial; I’ll use the cliche: “Crying over spilled milk."
For a healthy reference point, emotions usually tend to “match” the level of intensity of a situation. When there’s a misalignment, meaning that the reaction is way bigger than the event calls for, it’s important to take a look at that in order to identify what could be coming up for you.
Q: What beginning strategies might you recommend to someone hoping to do some inner child healing?
Healing this part of self can be ignited with activities that connect and engage you toward your inner child.
What does that look like? For example, it can be really helpful to spend some time looking at pictures of yourself from childhood.
Why? By doing so, we can tap back into the emotional space of the time where that image was taken. It’s the same with scents, places we have nostalgia for, songs, sentimental/significant people. Have you ever smelt something and it literally transported you emotionally back to a place? (Yes, right?! This is what I’m talking about.)
Visualizations are great too. Visualizations allow you to tap into a mental place where you can visit your inner child as the adult you are now. As adults, we have tools and perspectives that we didn’t have as kids. As we bring our maturity and healthy perspectives to our younger self in this safe mental space, we can potentially “reframe” the event where there was pain and even trauma.
Tending to old wounds that were never fully healed is the pathway to a more balanced and healthy self.
(Advisory: Some individuals might have severe trauma around their past, and in those cases, it’s important to seek the guidance of a well trained professional. Doing so will help you have support and introduce you to coping strategies as you face difficult past emotions where professional support may be essential.)
Q: Any guidance on finding the right type of therapist to explore inner child work with?
All licensed therapists are trained to support this type of work. However, some therapists can have more experience and training with inner child work than others. I recommend asking questions to any potential therapist as to what their experience is with this topic when looking for a therapist to support your growth and healing. Also, therapists that are trained to do EMDR is great for trauma healing.
Reflecting on your past self in order to release emotions that can be weighing you down, is a process that can provide you with healing that can leave you feeling lighter and more at peace. Growth requires you to try on different ways of doing things. Acknowledging and checking in with your inner child can provide you with insight that can support your healing. If you’re called to doing this work, give it a go.
An Invitation For You
If this resonates with you:
I collaborated with Healthline on this topic a- Check out that post here.
Find another great resource to help point you toward inner child work here.
Want more reflections like this?
Subscribe to my IAMWELL Newsletter to receive grounded mental-health insights, somatic reflections, and friendly reminders to support a life rooted in slow living, wellbeing, and mind-body connection.
Curious about working together?
You’re welcome to book a brief, free consultation call — we can explore whether we feel aligned in working together. (Reach out HERE.)
Have thoughts or reflections?
Feel free to comment or share — I’d truly love to hear what this brought up for you.
* Blog Image by Amy Lynn Bjornson, Lifestyle & Wedding Photographer.
The Wisdom of Travel/ French Polynesia
In a time of restriction of where we can go and what we can do I, ironically, feel drawn to talk travel. This post is intended to tap into your curiosity, as you find your way of “traveling” with the world in its present state.
In this post I’m going to do something a bit different by sharing with you apart of my life that has been super essential to who I’ve become. I also want to share with you an amazing location on this planet that can potentially be calling your name.
As much as I’m a therapist and believe in the therapeutic process, there can be an overload of self analyzing and introspection that can keep you looping. Yes, it’s true, there’s even a limit for healthy things. I want to encourage an overall balance of lifestyle and offer you an outlet that has done wonders for my headspace.
Which is: That thing called traveling….
For the record, travel can be adventuring somewhere new and different an hour away or a world away. You don’t need tons of money or hours on a plane to experience a place that offers you a different experience.
Regardless, this post is calling you to think outside your norm and try on something different. After all, that’s what travel has done for me. It knocks my A** out of my comfort zone, introduces me to a new way of doing and pushes me to grow.
Travel has brought much joy, perspective and growth into my life. Thinking about travel is where my head goes when I dream and I think we can all use some dreamy vibes right about now.
Getting away from what we know, whether it be a day trip or to somewhere further off, has the potential to stretch us in a way that’s not possible to do when we stay in our comfort zone. So much personal shifting can occur when we let go of what we know and allow ourselves to get swept away by a new way of doing and being.
Why is it that I’ve made major decisions about my life after my trips?
I’ve quit jobs, moved cities and have become more clear about where certain relationships stand after submerging myself in different cultures and places. I believe that travel gives me the opportunity to witness my life from another angle. Its provided me with time away from my habits and ways of doing things in order to “red flag” the actions that are not serving me.
In a nutshell, travel has allowed me to experience places and people that have made me rethink what I, ultimately, want for my life.
“Travel helps us see our life from a birds eye view; Where we can see with more clarity because we’re on the outside looking in. Looking in from the outside is a really different angle than our norm, which gives us different insights.”
What does travel do for me?
I’m less in my head and more at peace with where I’m at in my life on trips because I’m engaging in the things that light me up, which brings me incredibly present. For me, there’s a reason why I’m always going toward, warm waters, a lively and grand under water world and a local and mellow vibe.
Over the years, each trip taken has dropped me nuggets of clarity and tapped me back into my inner knowing. Such is true with the trip I took earlier this year (pre covid) to French Polynesia.
“ Simplicity is Bliss”
My trip to French Polynesia brought me to two atolls, Tikehau and Rangoria, both apart of the Tuamotu Archipelago. Tikehau is a remote atoll, only inhabited by 500 people. We stayed at the Tikehau Pearl Beach Resort (highly recommended.)
Being removed from the hussle of life warrants new perspective in itself. Although, being in a place where it’s truly quiet, there’s no distraction with places to go or things to do (besides being submerged under water), I found myself more at peace, with less anxiety and able to be present in a way that’s really hard for me to attain back in San Diego.
Not because San Diego is lacking in good vibes by any means; more so because, in my eyes, the pace of our world has become pretty speedy since my earlier days. Coming from a time where snail mail was “a thing” and cell phones were not, I’m finding that the fast pass and “go go go” has taken a bit of its toll on me.
“Traveling to simplistic places helps me calm more inwardly. Don’t get me wrong, there’s a time and place for areas with more art and livelihood, although, in the last couple years, I’ve wanted more quiet.”
Yes, I get it, I’m on vacation, where you can leave your worries behind and soak in the sun. However, the murmors of simplicity as my mind space was spent engaged in thinking about what kind of species of fish I was going to lurk around for under the sea allowed me to be present in a way that felt foreign. (And, oh so good) This trip was an opportunity for me to tap back into the present and was a reminder to slow down.
We hired some local guys to take us to snorkel/free dive along the Tiputa Pass (unreal). The Tiputa Pass is a strait in the northwest portion of Rangiroa lagoon that joins the lagoon to the open ocean. There’s a current that drifts you along a ledge of coral reef that drops down hundreds of feet into the open ocean where we saw groups of blacktip reef sharks (very common amongst the tropical coral reefs in the Indian and Pacific Oceans.)
On the ride back to our accommodation, I had the type of encounter that amps me up about traveling. Connecting with someone from such a different world is something that gets my blood pumping. Sitting shotgun, in this gentleman’s pick up truck, just talking real about life, always reminds me how, when it comes down to it, we’re all fighting the same fight.
We’ve all loved, got burned, been hurt and have felt joy. We all feel all the feels at one point or another in this life. In a nutshell, he both said and gave off the energy of peace and simplicity. I live for these moments on trips were I feel really connected to who I am via another person whose mirroring such a different reality, although the connection is so present. It’s a very cool thing.
How can I continue to keep it simple?
What can I cut from my everyday “list” that’s actually causing more noise and is just keeping me “busy” vs. actually adding to my quality of life?
What thoughts are consuming my mind that are in no way leading me toward a calm and steady head space?
How can I bring some of the unexpected, calm energy and “different” back into my life?
As much as these are the questions that I’m bringing back with me from my travels, I think that they’re great questions for any sort of self reflection. No matter where you are in your life.
“Entertaining a new way of doing things and paying attention to what’s not working is helping me weed things out.”
As timing in life is always at play, ironically, a couple weeks after this trip, COVID-19 hit hard and these same questions have been very relevant to me (and others) while being restricted and with things transitioning so quickly. Needless to say, you don’t need a trip overseas to engage in self introspection. I see how something, such as a global pandemic offers the same type of self reflection.
Bottom line: Don’t doubt the power of getting away from and out of what you know. Again, it can be down to the corner international market that you’ve never stepped in or something farther and grander. Point being, new experiences push us out of our comfort zone and help us expand. When and if you have the opportunity to do something new, take it. When you do take it, challenge yourself to do it with an open heart and mind.
“ Embrace different. ”
Different can be uncomfortable, although I’ve found that the magic of life happens when you immerse yourself in a new way of doing things. As you do so, you allow the opportunity to learn about yourself in a way that you just can’t tap into when you’re doing your “norm.” If you’re a seeker, if you’re looking to grow, embrace a new experience.
You’ll personally shift from doing so, no matter what. That’s what growth does. It expands you and once you grow and learn in a new way, you’ll never be able to comfortably sit in your small protected box again. That’s a good thing. Get after it friends. Challenge your comfort zone. Get out there and find your “new.”
Below find my small line of intention necklaces that I designed while incorporating the images that were taken in collaboration with @ashdubphoto & I in French Polynesia. I paired a pendant with a specific virtue that I felt it reflected. Hone your inner peace (half moon), joy (star), balance (diamond) or attract love (heart) and flow (drop) into your life while wearing these intentional necklaces by yours truly @kimegeljewelry.
Introducing my new line of INTENTION NECKLACES
Are You Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Partners? (Identifying Why & Tips to Change)
It’s an utterly frustrating and disappointing experience to be in relationship with an unavailable partner. Especially when your heart has opened and allowed another to enter your sacred space and dance in your intimate light. It can be extremely painful to find yourself tangled up with someone who, simply, doesn’t have the emotional capacity to show up.
Whether you’re in partnership with “the other” who is unavailable, chronically attracting unavailable partners or if you’re in the market to attract a connective, intimate relationship, yet find this pattern following you, this read is for you.
Get ready for it because we’re about to go into the ether and unpack this complex issue.
What Does Emotionally Unavailable Mean?
For starters, let’s define what the psychological jargon of what “emotionally unavailable” even means. The term “emotionally unavailable” suggests that the “other” (the one whom your in partnership with or desiring) currently and for reasons that we can’t know (because it has to do with “their stuff,” not yours) doesn’t have the emotional capacity to hold the space for a healthy, intimate relationship. The problem occurs when we’re hell bent on getting this unavailable “other’s” attention. When our heart sets it target on a specific partner, that “potentially” has so much to offer, it’s hard to remove our tentacles from the object of our affection, for better or worse.
If you’re relating to what I’m saying, let’s keep going, shall we?
There Are Two types of Unavailable That I Want to Red Flag
1.Being, “externally” unavailable, meaning outside factors don’t allow for that other to be available to fully commit to beautiful you. This is where your partner is “literally” and “figuratively” unavailable. This can mean that “the other” lives states or countries away and is not responsive or loyal to a commitment. That other can also be married or in partnership with another. Either way, I label this as externally unavailable. This type of unavailability is more obvious, although is just as trying to be on the other end of.
2. The second type of unavailable and the one I’m going to highlight in this blog is “emotionally” unavailability. I’ve describe that term briefly above and will get into how that can look and feel throughout this read.
Part 1/ How Unavailability Looks
As you may know, we need awareness of “the problem,” in order to change any behavior. With that said, I’m going to clearly define 3 main characteristics that you may experience when on the other end of a partner whose emotionally unavailable.
#1 Avoidant, Inconsistent & Hot & Cold Behavior
A general lack of consistency, accountability and an overall vibe of non responsive behavior points to an unavailable other. Sometimes you may feel like you’re with Casper the Ghost, as that person’s ability to show up and fill the shoes as your partner is just a, straight up, no go. Meaning, sometimes they show up, sometimes they don’t. You never know what you’re going to get. Isn’t that exciting? (No, not really when it comes to your heart and emotions.)
Even if they do grace you with their presence, they may show an inability to be emotionally present and that’s another frustrating experience in itself for the available partner. Someone can be physically “there,” and mentally checked out, which can leave you feeling very alone.
This lonely feeling can push you toward over compensating for the lack of involvement from the “out to lunch” partner. This is where a pattern is born within the healthy partner of doing more than the unavailable partner in order to keep the relationship alive. This pattern will lead to the available person pulling way more weight, which will enable the emotional “check out” of the unavailable other. (Phew, are you with me? Hope so.)
Whether it be that your partner is a “workaholic,” super “busy,” generally flakey, non committal or all of the above, these actions don’t allow for the time and space that it takes to keep a relationship healthy, kicking and balanced.
Keep your eye out for an inability for actions and words to match (this is a big one). For example, the other might be say all the right things, “I love you,” “You’re the most important thing to me,” “I want a future with you,” yet their actions are saying something completely opposite.
For the record; We don’t trust people whose actions and words don’t consistently align, and we should pay attention to this if we’re looking for healthy and fulfilling relationships.
#2 Inability to Engage and Be Vulnerable
A major block that will appear with the unavailable partner is their inability to participate in deep and connective conversations that touch upon emotional issues. One truth when it comes to healthy connection is that communication is key. Without both partners having the capacity to engage in deep and connective conversations, the relationship will be rocky. The depth of connection between partners is correlated to the strength of the relationships foundation. This “depth of connection” is driven by both partners ability to communicate directly and effectively.
For my visual learners out there, here’s an analogy: Think of a house; If a house is built upon a rocky foundation, even if it’s beautiful, it’s just a matter of time that the cracks will appear. The same is so for our relationships. Things like trust, connectivity and our ability to be vulnerable all create the look, taste and feel of our relationships.
An unavailable partner doesn’t have the bandwidth to put themselves “out there” emotionally for whatever reasons under the sun why that is so. (Please refrain (I know it’s hard) from trying to “figure out” and analyze why this is true for that other. That’s their personal work, which only they can do.)
This inability for your partner to hold the space for deep, connective communication will contribute to a relationship feeling stagnant. An unavailable partner will “shy” away from or completely shut down conversations that call them to “put themselves out there.” There can be defensiveness or a sudden topic change to something less threatening to escape the intimidation of vulnerable communication.
When there’s a shut off valve for intimacy, there will be a cap on how far your relationship can evolve. This can leave the healthy, available partner starving for their needs and wants to be met.
#3 You’ll Be on The Other End of Many “Me Focused” Conversations
When someone is unavailable, they tend to find it more comfortable and more “safe” to lead the conversation. A leader tends to have more control. A conversation has less of a chance to go into depthful realms that would threaten the unavailable’s emotional capacity. As the healthy partner, you might find yourself playing a chronic listening role, which is another gateway to burn out and feeling drained. This, again, points to the relationship imbalance where you, as the available one, holds the space for the unavailable other.
How Unavailability Feels
It’s definitely not ground breaking news that being on the other end of someone unavailable can touch upon some tricky and uncomfortable emotions for the available other. To begin with, it can feel utterly confusing. Confusion is present because the other is often saying one thing via their words, but communicating something different via their actions.
It can be extremely disappointing when you’re on the other end of someone whom you love who doesn’t have the tools to be the partner that you need. As I’ve suggested throughout this post, you might also feel drained and exhausted, as you’re the one pulling the majority of the relationships weight. Meaning that you’re the primary one keeping the relationship movin’ and groovin.’ Perhaps this means that you might find yourself being the main initiator when it comes to tasks like calling, texting and making plans.
You might often question: Would it have happened if I didn’t make it happen?
In a nutshell, you may feel like your needs are neglected as the other cannot match your ability to be open and emotionally available, simply because they’re not.
3 Questions For You to Assess Whether Attracting “Unavailable” is a Pattern for You?
1. Do you find yourself continually going toward people who are unavailable, hurtful, rejecting or inconsistent? Has it happened more than 2 or 3 times?
2. Do you struggle with the need to be “in control?” In other words, is uncertainty and being out of control extremely uncomfortable for you?
3. Do you, generally speaking, tend to give more than you get in relationships? Meaning, do you consistently find yourself going above and beyond for others while taking scraps?
How’d that go?! Let’s go over some information that may help you get beyond this pattern.
One thing that’s important to define is the “WHY” in terms of why we stay in relationships that are not fulfilling our needs or no longer making us grow and expand. Here are some reasons to why we may find ourselves remaining in relationships with unavailable suitors.
Part 2/ Reasons Why We Stay
1. We Focus on the Few and Far Between Moments When That Person Showed Up /SLASH/ We Idealize When the Relationship Is and Was Good
Of course we’re going to focus on what we want to see. We do this as humans. It’s not a bad thing to believe in another if there’s a genuine awareness of the issue from the unavailable partner. If there’s awareness paired with efforts toward shifting emotionally unavailable ways, I’m all for working with someone whose trying. It’s when the other remains unwilling to shift when this persistence to “stick with it” is damaging and keeps us, as the available partner, in a relationship longer than need be.
Side Note: There will be a time period where it’s important for you to evaluate the toll that it’s taking on you to stay in partnership with someone unavailable. For example; If that other is not changing their ways and behaviors and you find yourself hangin on by strings, pay attention to how that state is affecting your mental health. Nobody and nothing is worth the destruction of your own mental health. Healthy things and people will not destroy our mental health. I say that with a lot of love and kindness for the other, however, my eye is on you for this post. I want to reawaken your heart and get your blood pumping again so you can get back on track with what you’re here to do. Onward.
2. We Don’t Want to Let Go Because We’ve (Already) Put in So Much Work and Time
I hear you and I think you need to feel your feelings about this. I also believe that it would benefit you to find an alternative perspective besides believing that you “should” continue to stay because you’ve already put in “X” amount of months or years of effort.
Here’s an alternative perspective: How things pan out is FOR YOU. (Including relationships ending)
Trusting life when things are not working out as desired is a brave and, can be, a difficult skill to cultivate. Working toward believing in that notion when you feel defeated can greatly help you. (Just saying.)
All relationships offer us a galaxy of growth. Intimate relationships turn all of our “stuff” around in a way that other things just don’t. They present breeding grounds of triggers into the areas of rejection and wounded parts of self among other things. For this reason, each person that we’re in relationship with acts as a teacher and for that, it’s hard to say that any of the experience was a waste of time. It’s important to know when you’ve outgrown a relationship and when it’s time to go.
Part 3/ Healing Actions
If you’ve concluded that attracting unavailable partners is a pattern for you, there could be some nips and tucks to be implemented on your end of things in order to increase your chances of attracting healthy and available partners in the future. Here are some tips to consider.
1. Invest in Relationships That Are Reciprocal
Reciprocal means that there’s a feeling of balance to the relationship. This is not a tit for tat dynamic; It’s more a feeling that the other puts the amount of effort and care that you’re putting into the partnership.
2. Let Go of the Habit of Doing More Than Your Part in Order to Keep a Relationship Alive
This will call you to look at and work through why you have the tendency to pull way more weight in your relationships than the other partner carries. Usually, you might find that this is true because on a subconscious level, you have an inner knowing that if you don’t put out 80% of the effort, things will fall apart. (We either consciously or subconsciously know that the other partner doesn’t have the want or capacity to step up.) We don’t trust that our partner can pull through based on what history has communicated to us. Control is involved here. We often are controlling things so the relationship stays afloat, for better or for worse. It’s the “I’m going to make it work no matter what” mentality.
Friends, let’s not force. Especially matters of the heart; flow is way more healthy than force.
When we step back from our role of “making it work,” the Truth then has space to unfold. Meaning, either our partner will show us that they can step up and are willing too, or we will witness more dead space. This is a very difficult thing to face; The Truth. So many of us do many destructive things to avoid the Truth. Although, if you’re being called to read this, chances are you’re open to leading more boldly with Truth. Congrats on that!
What I can say to you is, as you lead with the truth life will begin to unfold differently. Nobody said that following truth is an easy journey, yet blinding yourself to the truth is not easy either. Both ways have there own unique challenges, however the way of Truth will lead you to something, well, TRUE. That’s what the Truth does. It’s raw and always interesting and rich.
Hang in there, dig deep and know that you have what it takes to face the Truth. (There’s so much more to say about this, although I’ll leave it for another post.)
3. Think of Yourself Just as Much (If Not More) Than You Think of Others
I’m specifically giving this perspective to those of you who tend to turn toward selflessness. The available partner attracting the unavailable tends to have a track record of doing a lot for others, usually in a very unbalanced way. Without getting into the nitty gritty of how this habit is born (that’s a whole different post) it’s important to start healing and correcting this relationship dynamic imbalance where you’re putting yourself out there to be eaten alive.
The corrective goal is to redirect you from your tendency to put a laser sharp focus on the needs of others. It’s one thing to be observant and kind toward others. It’s a whole other story to set yourself up to get walked over. As you learn to focus on your needs and take up space, you’ll have less tolerance for those that have an inability to emotionally show up.
My hope was for this post to be informative, helpful and hold the space for you to understand why you have been or are currently in a pattern of attracting relationships that don’t give you what you need and desire.
You have a lot to offer babe, so don’t settle. Understanding and correcting what you can will change your point of attraction. When we change our point of attraction by correcting and healing old defeating patterns we begin to get what we need. Hang in there and trust that this is so.
An Invitation For You
If this resonates with you:
Want more reflections like this?
Subscribe to my IAMWELL Newsletter to receive grounded mental-health insights, somatic reflections, and friendly reminders to support a life rooted in slow living, wellbeing, and mind-body connection.
Curious about working together?
You’re welcome to book a brief, free consultation call — we can explore whether we feel aligned in working together. (Reach out HERE.)
Have thoughts or reflections?
Feel free to comment or share — I’d truly love to hear what this brought up for you.
*Above image is by Photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Gaining Confidence (4 Steps To Higher Self Worth)
I believe that THE most significant thing that you can do in this life is create a relationship with yourself that’s healthy, kind and loving. Period. That’s it. If all you had at the end of the day was a genuinely respectful and self honoring relationship with yourself, everything then would fall into place.
When we lack a rich inner relationship, everything else will be compromised in our lives. Happiness will be found in temporary external things and we will constantly be chasing the small moments of light that we can catch every now and then.
This is not the way you need to keep moving forward, so let’s talk about this topic so you can explore ways to improve the relationship that you have with yourself.
Self worth commingles with self respect, self confidence, self esteem and self love. They all fall under the same umbrella and as you do the work to increase one, the other will follow. Meaning, when you work on gaining more confidence, self respect and self love will usually increase as well.
Let’s tap a bit more on why spending the time and energy to increase your level of self worth is so important.
Our level of self worth is, without a doubt, one of the main factors contributing to how fulfilling our life is and will become. We make choices, create beliefs and accept people and situations based on our value of self, A.K.A. our self worth.
Below I’ve summed up 4 key factors to practice when you’re looking to up level your sense of self. Doing so will bring you more respect, better relationships, more enjoyment, less struggle, more confidence and clarity among so much more.
Aren’t you ready for this!?
Whether it be a situation with a person, place or thing that’s stripping you of your confidence or maybe it’s your own self deprecating voice tearing you down, regardless, I’m going to cover skills for you to hone so things can get back on the up and up.
Let’s do this. Here we go.
4 STEPS TO HIGH SELF WORTH
1. Establish Boundaries (Keep Your Radar ON for Unhealthy People, Places and Things)
Anything or anyone keeping “you small” or tearing you down is essential to pay attention to and do something about if we’re going to get your self worth back on track. After evaluation, if a specific relationship or thing consistently tears away at and devalues you, action is necessary to protect our worth. You might decide to part ways with that other or you might want to start with holding firm boundaries. Both of these actions are communicating something very essential, which is that YOU value YOU. As you begin to “stand up for yourself,” you’re sending the message that you have self respect and will not tolerate behaviors that are chipping away at your self worth. What tends to happen as we hold and are consistent with our boundaries is that people and situations fall away from us naturally because they no longer are a match.
As attraction and like energy are always at play, we’re attracting based on where we’re at. As we begin to hold a higher level of self respect, relationships that don’t have our best interest will have to look elsewhere for their prey. “Later!”
2. Evaluate Your Self Talk
Spend some time, perhaps a day or so, evaluating how you speak to yourself. Really pay attention to that inner voice and listen to what it’s saying. Is it positive and supportive? Or, is it self destructive and, straight up, mean? This will shine a light on the relationship that you have between you and you. How healthy and legit that relationship is will be dictating everything. It will dictate the job you get, the circumstances that you tolerate, the partner that you pick and the general vibe of the life that you live. Everything boo.
If you notice that there’s a lot of “clean up” to do in terms of the messaging of your inner voice, then there’s some work to be done. Without going into to much detail, you can begin to “change the tape” of your self talk by finding a more loving and mindful tone. As you do and with consistent practice you will start to rebuild your level of self worth.
A great question to ask if you’re struggling to decide where you stand on this topic is:
Q: Am I being my own best friend or my own worst enemy?
Changing the script and bringing in a loving and affirming voice will begin to increase your level of worth. Self deprecating behavior is a loud negative message to not only yourself, but also to those listening. (Often our inner negativity is projected outwardly whether we are aware of it or not.) To put it simply, as you project your negative voice out loud, you will be treated accordingly. That’s why life tends to be such a struggle for those of us who have a destructive inner voice.
Hang in there and realize that it doesn’t need to take years to tend to this issue. I’ve had clients that have seen improvement quickly by focusing energy and mindfulness on this area of their life. If you want to shift your tone with yourself and you desire a different result, you can do it. As you do, the feedback that you receive from the world, paired with the positive feelings that you will start to cultivate for yourself, will create momentum and incentive for you to keep going. It doesn’t need to take a long time for you to reprogram old scripts and ways. Truth.
3. Accept That Not Everyone Will Like You in This Life
Finding acceptance around the concept that, no matter what you do, there’s always going to be someone in the room that disagrees or has a different opinion, is key. It doesn’t mean anything about you when someone doesn’t choose you. It’s not personal. Not everyone can be for you. It’s just not how the world works. The world benefits from differences and variety, which also means that if you’re being true to yourself, every now and then, someone is not going to be a fit. As this concept begins to root within, criticism and judgement from others has a tendency to fly off our shoulders with more ease and less analyzing.
Letting go occurs as we learn how to not take things personally.
If you’re struggling with taking things personally, I highly recommend the book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. “Agreement Number 2” is “How to Not Take Things Personally.” It’s a quick read and a great reminder of how we can step more into acceptance around this matter.
4. Find and Own Your Magnetism
When I use the word “magnetism,” I’m referring to that thing that you possess (yes, you have it) that’s your natural gift. Your magnetism shows up by how you organically act which makes you who you are and attracts people to you. You don’t have to try with the quality about you that’s magnetic, it’s just apart of your essence. Unfortunately, sometimes life events or people come along that give us the message that we “should” quiet or strip ourselves of that thing. (Please don’t) The problem arises when we actually listen to the external noise of these people and messaging and, consequently, damper our own light.
I’m here to help you turn that light back on babe!
To do so, pay attention to the things that you do with ease. Take note of what others consistently compliment you on. Notice what you do well, without much effort. (This doesn’t mean that your “gift” is an easy achievement, it’s just natural for you.) Your magnetism and natural abilities are often connected to where your purpose lives, so it can benefit you to take the time to investigate this area of your life.
After identifying these aspects, spend time honing these qualities. Give these gifts energy because as you do they will grow. As they grow, you will connect to that place within where your true worth lives. Tapping into this area will turn back on your inner light and your magnetic self will begin to attract accordingly.
Own who you are. By doing so, you will find that positive people and opportunities will surround you and further lift you up.
*Above image by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
3 Reasons Why Saying NO Needs to Be Apart of Your Self Love Practice
Practicing discernment and saying “No” is a solid way to build trust with yourself. What you spend your energy doing results in what your life looks and feels like. Allowing ourselves to say “No” when invites aren’t pulling at our heart strings communicates major self respect, to us and to others. Not everything is for us and it’s okay to be selective with our time.
I’m not sure that we hear this enough.
So often we can feel guilty and “bad” for not saying “yes” because we don’t want to “disappoint” or “let down” others. The irony is that we’re letting down ourselves every time we put someone’s wants ahead of ours. In hopes of getting you to where you want to go in this life, I’ve shared 3 reasons why it’s imperative for you to be selective and say “No” to people, places and things that aren’t calling you.
1. Saying NO Gives You the Space That You Need to Press the Reset Button, Gain Clarity and Renew
Having time to slow down, reconnect with yourself and pause is an absolute must if you’re looking to live a life that’s true to you. As noisy as it is when you’re in a crowded room where it’s hard to hear the conversation right in front of you, it’s just as difficult for us to hear ourselves when we’re “too busy” and non stop. Saying “No” is what provides us with the time and space to gain back our energy and process what’s coming at us on the daily.
2. Saying NO Allows You to Weed Out Experiences That Don’t Match Up With Who You Want to Become
When you say “No” to one thing, you’re actually saying “Yes” to something else. I’ve witnessed how some believe that in order to say “No” to an invite or obligation there needs to be a reason for the decline.
Let me tell you something, please take this in:
You do NOT need to have any plans on the books or any other prior obligation made for saying “NO” to be legit. You can say “No” just because. Period.
You don’t need an excuse or reason to say no. You can say no because you’re just not feeling it. Honoring what you want vs. what you think you “should” do is a very powerful way to communicate to your own self that you value your energy, being and time. It’s okay if something isn’t calling you. You don’t “have” to do everything that you’re asked to do. This might be so obvious, yet it’s been pretty interesting to witness so many people struggling to say “No” within my practice.
As you ditch thinking that you need a reason to say No, you simultaneously build more trust with yourself. Every time we make choices that align with our true essence we grow that inner trust muscle. (Yes, we all have one, you included.) Allow yourself the gift of listening to the kind of day you had or the mood you’re in to dictate what choices you make when you do, in fact, have the choice. That’s a very strong message of self respect to all, the Universe included.
3. Saying “NO” Enhances Your Level of Self Worth
By using boundaries to respect your needs, desires and wants you cultivate more self worth. More self worth leads to more of all the good things in life. It really is one big spiderweb effect when it comes down to it.
I can say this until I’m blue in the face, but here I go again:
People respect people who respect themselves.
One of the most empowering things that you can do for yourself is to lead a life where you have established healthy and respectable boundaries. Having boundaries, as I’ve seen it, is one of the main paths toward seriously up leveling your level of self worth, which up levels your life.
Cheers friends. Honor your beautiful self. You deserve to do what calls you without guilt or shame. There’s a way to respect other’s and also respect yourself as you practice your boundaries and say YES to what feels right.
Above image by Wedding & Lifestyle Photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Why Forgiveness is Mental Freedom
One of my biggest life lessons, thus far, has been around letting go and forgiving. In my mid 20’s I was challenged to learn a new perspective around the concept of forgiveness and letting go in order for the numbness in my heart to melt away.
With that said, I believe that forgiveness is one of the most important skills for us to learn in order to have successful relationships and be a happy person. If you struggle with how to forgive, this one’s for you.
Here’s a Q & A on the topic of forgiveness. (Questions by Crystal Raypole, writer for Healthline)
Q: Why is forgiveness so important? (Primarily for the person forgiving, but also for the one being forgiven.)
When we forgive it’s important to acknowledge that you’re not agreeing that what was done was “okay,” rather you’re deciding to let go of the resentment and hurt that the event caused. Holding on to pain and not forgiving causes stuck emotions and long term issues (both emotional & physical.) Stuck and unresolved emotions will hold you back from fully moving forward with your life. In a nutshell, forgiveness is for you. The act of forgiving allows you to let go of pain so you can move through your life with a lighter heart.
Bottom line: Forgiveness is for you. It’s a release for you. First and foremost, it’s serving for you.
What forgiveness is NOT is ignoring or disregarding what was done.
What’s done is done. What’s happened has happened and your feelings about it are valid. Letting go and forgiving is essential for you to be a healthy, happy human.
As for the person “being forgiven,” of course it can be helpful for them to be forgiven for any actions or behaviors that might have hurt another. Although, most importantly it’s more about them forgiving themself. Even if everyone around them forgives them, it wouldn’t matter if they don’t forgive themself.
So, in both cases this is an inside job and the healing starts within. The outward actions of others (others forgiving us) can help our healing process unfold with more ease, although we're required to do our own inner work in both cases to get the ball rolling.
Q: Is it still possible to forgive someone who has passed away/can't be reached/someone toxic or abusive that you don't feel safe contacting?
Absolutely! This is so important to understand and believe. It’s a major block to think that “the other” (the one who you’re working through forgiving) needs to be present in order to let go and heal.
The truth is, sometimes it’s not possible or safe to go through the process of forgiveness, face to face with another. If you’re on the fence regarding if you want to reach out to a person whom you’re looking to forgive, I would encourage you to first process through your desire to reach out to a person that you had an abusive or toxic past with.
The bottom line is that you don’t need that other party present to forgive and be able to move on with your life in a healthy manner. It can actually cause more damage and hurt to do so if that person is toxic and unwilling to acknowledge the pain that they caused.
As, forgiveness starts and ends with you, please know that you can forgive regardless of what the situation is regarding the other party involved.
Yes friends, you are more powerful than you think.
Q: Is there any guidance you might have for someone trying to decide whether they're "ready" to forgive someone?
Feeling betrayed and/or experiencing a situation where you’re struggling with forgiving another is super painful. Please give yourself the time that you need to process through your emotions. Do your best to stay in tune with what you need to do vs. what others want you to do.
For example, “You should forgive so and so. I mean, they feel so badly about what they did.”
Remind yourself that your intention is not to “punish” another by not forgiving them (you might need to work through this.) A healthy intention around forgiving another is to respect your boundaries by taking the time to process what happened, so when you forgive you’re ready and able to honestly reflect your inner truth to another. Again, forgiving is for you, not them.
Q: What can happen if you try to force forgiveness before you're ready?
Forcing yourself to do anything that’s not authentic to you creates a misalignment with your inner truth. Think of it this way: You’re not treating yourself with respect nor honoring yourself when you’re making choices based on “shoulds.” Meaning, “I should” do this” vs. “I really want to do this..”
I know that we have to do some things in life that were not amped on from time to time, although, think about the concept of balance here. It’s important to do things that really feel us up to balance out the “doing” of the responsibilities that we’ve signed up for. The more that we make choices that match how we authentically feel, the stronger the relationship and trust we create within ourselves. At the end of the day, the most important thing we have is the relationship that we hold with ourselves. Everything, and I mean everything, is a result of this inner relationship that will be reflected in how our outer world looks and feels.
In a nutshell, if you’re not ready to forgive, take some time to sift through your emotions.
Trying to forgive someone immaturely will not result in the best outcome because your emotions are simply not ready.
Be patient with yourself and take the time to honor what you’re feeling.
Q : Does forgiveness have a "process," so to speak?
I believe that everybody’s emotional journey with forgiveness is unique to them, although there can be some highlighted emotions present when it comes to forgiving another.
Generally speaking, feelings such as anger, sadness, pain, regret and confusion are some key players when it comes to forgiveness. However, whatever range of emotions you’re experiencing within your unique situation are “right,” so to speak. Allowing yourself to feel your emotions, especially the uncomfortable ones, (I know it’s so hard) is key to giving them the space they need so they can pass through. I cannot emphasize this enough.
Q : Are there any steps to take in order to prepare for the forgiveness process?
Yes, think about making it a lifestyle to work on your level of self growth and mental health.
The healthier we are emotionally and mentally is the prep that we can always be doing as humans so when the hard stuff comes along, we’re better equipped to deal with it.
Think of it in terms of physical health. When we’re strong and healthy, generally, we’re going to be able to recover from a physical illness with less consequence and with more ease.
The more tools that you have in your pocket, such as positive perspectives, healthy choices and a strong support system, the better you’ll be in terms of coping with difficult emotions that the process of forgiveness brings up.
I hope that helps. Forgiveness can be a rough process to sift through, although I’m hoping that these words have provided some sort of road map for you to start the journey.
Above image is by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Here’s a video to go over the topic a bit more. Feel free to subscribe to my YOUTUBE channel if you like what you’re hearing.
How to Forgive Someone (Even If They Really Screwed Up)
Hello to all of you beautiful people. I hope this post finds you well.
I recently collaborated with HEALTHLINE for this post on the topic of forgiveness.
Forgiveness could be a really difficult topic for some. After all, some of us believe that forgiving someone requires us to accept that what was done is “okay.”
This is not so.
When we forgive, we’re actually doing so, first and foremost, for our own wellness and peace of mind.
Without forgiveness we can get stuck in hard and painful emotions that, if not processed and let go of, can strip us of our joy and weigh us down.
If you’re curious to read more about this topic and my take on it, below is a link to the full post.
Enjoy.
How to Forgive Someone (Even If They Really Screwed Up)
*Above image is by Wedding & Lifestyle Photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Words for Coping With Uncertainty
If you struggle with chronic anxiety and fear of what will be, this one’s for you.
If there’s anything that this time is showing us (it has the potential to show us a lot because that’s what challenging times do) it’s revealing that no matter how much we plan and anticipate life to go in a certain direction, life has it’s own plan.
So much suffering and pain is experienced when we are rigid and fixed on how we think life should and ought to look in order to be happy. With being on the other end of several clients at this point in my practice, I’ve found that the relationship that we each have with control and trust is a huge indicator of how happy we ultimately are. Meaning, if we have a healthy and balanced relationship with trust and control, we will have less suffering and live our days more peacefully than the other who has a tumultuous relationship with those two concepts.
When we begin to peel away the layers of all the external things and accomplishments that we’re looking to for certainty and start releasing our need for things to look and be the way we think they should look and be, something really interesting starts to happen. No matter what, when we release control and start practicing acceptance (less control) and hope (more trust), we start feeling better no matter where we’re at in our lives.
So simple and complicated at the same time, right? I hear you, let me go further to keep it simple.
As we start to feel better because we ‘re choosing to trust, we start calling in and naturally gravitating toward us the experiences, people and places that we desire. All we have to do is let go of CONTROL and TRUST that something is going to catch us if we jump. (I know, this is so uncomfortable because, I mean who is going to catch us?!) Again, that’s control talking because it wants to know and confirm who that individual or thing will be that will break our fall.
The thing is, life doesn’t work like that. When we start accepting that concept, we are pushed toward trusting.
I can’t tell you, nor can anyone for that matter, what the specifics will be for your life. I’m not sure who or when the next pivotal person will enter your life. I don’t know when the next moment will be that’s going to make you smile and warm your heart. I don’t know who is going to say the next thing that makes you think or gets you curious. I don’t know when the next opportunity for you to grow is going to be knocking at your door. I don’t know when your going to be confronted with your next difficult challenge.
I do know, that those moments are all going to unfold for you because that’s what life does. Life presents us with moments and people and when we’re less in control and more present we can experience and feel those moments more clearly.
The only thing that you need to have to feel more calm while actually enjoying the unique unfolding of your life is trust and confidence in your ability to handle what’s thrown at you. When we TRUST ourselves it actually doesn’t matter who shows up, or who doesn’t for that matter. The specifics of our life doesn’t matter as much when we have complete trust in ourselves because self trust allows us to feel secure and safe, no matter what. It’s an illusion when we feel that any person place or thing outside of ourself is “making us” feel safe. We can only do that for ourselves. When we trust ourself and consistently and steadily have our own back, we start giving less “you know what’s” about what unfolds because we’re more focused on the moment by moment of being present in our lives.
Being present is where happy lives.
I hope this post finds you well in this uncertain time. I know it’s a challenging time for all of us collectively. I hope that the words within this post bring you some comfort and help you to trust the process of your life, no matter what’s going on for you at the moment.
Be well friends.
How to Create More Hygge in Your Life
Regardless of what condition your home is in at the moment, this post is meant to inspire you on your journey toward creating a space that feels cozy, calm and welcoming. Why? Because our home environment provides us with the ability to mentally ground. There’s a correlation between the health of your mind and the peace and clarity of your external space, think Marie Kondo in her book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tydying Up.
Messy mind, messy home. We want clear, calm and organized my friends.
If you’ve already succeeded on this quest, props to you, and perhaps you can still enjoy the tips and appreciate the visuals of my featured friend, talented photographer and hygge master, Renata Amazonas.
With that said, I’ve collaborated with Renata because, I mean, what a Hygge wizard this one is! She’s created a home with MAJOR hygge and has invited us in to view her comfy space via her images & feedback in the below Q & A. Her instagram HONEYANDGARDEN highlights how she’s been so mindful to create such a warm and well intentioned space.
Q: Okay, so what is HYGGE?
A: It’s a Danish expression that celebrates and encourages all things cozy and calming with an emphasis on being intentional about choosing items that invite this feeling into your space. A space free of clutter that supports togetherness and joy.
Below is a Q & A with Renata on her tips and feedback about creating a space that’s true to you, while bringing you and others joy.
Q- Are you familiar with the term HYGGE?
Yes. It’s about living comfortably and all things cozy. Making your environment a happy place that brings you joy.
Q- What were some key areas of focus when you created your cozy, warm and inviting home?
My main focus is all about surrounding myself with things that bring me peace. For example, having plants in the house is a must for me. It brings the outdoors in. I spend so much time at home, so I wanted it to be my sanctuary, my safe place where I enjoy being. I created a variety of areas in the house where I feel comfortable and connected depending on the time of day. Our bedroom, for example, is our place to rest, nest, and read books. We don't have a TV in the bedroom. Our backyard is a place I love to enjoy on warm evenings and early mornings. I like to drink coffee and read books listening to the birds outside, as I am surrounded by my plants. Our living room has a very comfortable and soft couch. We only watch TV at night, but the natural lighting that comes in the afternoon is so special. It’s warm, and a perfect place to sit still listening to our old records surrounded by our plants and puppy.
Q- What are some of your favorite materials, colors, etc, to use when creating your environment?
I love neutrals. Organic elements. Textures. I love handmade products like ceramics. I feel very grounded around stones/rocks. When I’m shopping or making art, my eyes and style gravitate towards light colors and materials overall. White linen and light washed wood bring me so much peace.
Q-What catches your design eye?
A softer colored environment where I can play at adding elements with different shapes and textures. But mostly plants and the amount of natural lighting a room has. My eyes gravitate to lines. As much as I am an artist, I like symmetry and continuity. Thats for me when things flow.
Q- How did you learn to create such a beautiful space? Any tricks for those who don't know where to start in their design mission?
Don’t be afraid to play with textures. Do one thing at a time, don’t go to a store and buy all at once. Play around by moving things. I love looking at design magazines and blogs. It’s important to educate yourself and learn from other people’s experiences. Every time I go to a new restaurant or hotel, I pay attention to the details, from door handles to the choice of materials for flooring, walls etc. It’s all about the details. Another tip would be that if you have a small space, try and choose some key pieces that are not too bulky or dark. Pieces that have space underneath or are see through bring the idea of a bigger space. Also, living in a coastal desert, I tried to keep our space bright and airy. I get a lot of my inspiration from our desert adventures.
Q- Do you have any key tips for anybody looking to create a calm, peaceful and simplistic space?
Start with the bones. Pick a floor and wall color that you like. For me, the color of choice is white white and white. It’s like an empty canvas. From there, I go for the big pieces of furniture first, like a couch, dining table, bed, etc. Still going for more neutral color/style. Like I said, I love textures, so I have many white/cream/beige items in my house, but most of them have different textures. Then I finish by adding plants and all the earthy elements that bring me joy. But also, remember to make your home useful, not a display. I like handpicking everything we have at the house, from decor to dishes in the kitchen. We also love to build things ourselves and shop from local artists as much as possible. We don’t have more than we need in here. Avoid over buying things that you don’t need. If it comes to a situation that you love something new that you kind of have already, think twice and decide which one you’ll keep. Don’t be afraid of getting rid of the unnecessary. A clean space helps you live with more serenity.
Well, that was amazing! Thank you friend! Here are some quick tips to sum everything up.
6 QUICK TIPS TO CREATE HYGEE
KEEP IT NEUTRAL/ I know, this can be tough for my lovers of all the colors, bare with me on this one. A neutral palate calms us. It also provides us with a specific color scheme to follow. Neutrals help to keep our aesthetic clean and cohesive looking. Neutrals have a magical way of blending everything together beautifully.
USE EARTH ELEMENTS/ Earth elements ground us. They provide us with a sense of calm and peace as they’re untapped, untouched and straight from our mother earth. They keep our space “rootsy,” as I like to say. Even if you have loud pieces or a desire for color, balance it out with some earth elements for grounding purposes.
BE MINDFUL OF LIGHTING/ I can’t say it enough, lightning is so important. Stay with me on this. We’ve all been in the eye squinting, detail alarming presence of fluorescent lighting (think 8am office space.) Lord help us. Keep your lighting warm and soft, it does wonders to a room.
MUSIC IS EVERYTHING/ When I enter a space that has an appropriate playlist set for the mood or event, I’ve personally entered heaven. For me, a space that has mood appropriate music is a major uplevel to any environment. Music has the great ability to make us feel and tap into our emotions. It stimulates our senses, and offers a real cohesion to any well put together space. Don’t forget about this very important medium friends.
MULTIPLE TEXTURES PLEASE/ A variety of textures offers a really cool “depth of field.” It gives our eye different areas of focus, which creates something interesting, not only to our eyes, but to our space. Don’t be afraid to mix and match within a similar color scheme. (Renata does this beautifully, which is obvious via the images of her home.)
A GOOD SCENT GOES A LONG WAY/ Scents are another “finishing touch” to bring into your space. Beyond the warmth that a lit candle brings to a room, the scent of that candle can really add to the feeling and mood. When in doubt, light up!
Cheers to you in your quest to creating a space that brings you joy and peace.
Selected Neutral & Natural Items to Get You Started
Rug 5 x 8 https://amzn.to/3zijlTI
Rug 5 x 8 https://amzn.to/3oIGxWd
Jute Round Rug https://amzn.to/3PNfiWz
4 Piece Outdoor Furniture Set https://amzn.to/3zGDowv
Outdoor Furniture Set https://amzn.to/3oJHnC5
Wood Bed Frame https://amzn.to/3Q4E04E
Rattan Couch https://amzn.to/3bcbH5g
Leather Accent Chair https://amzn.to/3oEB3fm
Dining Chairs https://amzn.to/3BJXhED
Rattan Bar Stools https://amzn.to/3cRTXwI
Rattan Coffee Table https://amzn.to/3zmYSxk
Plant stand https://amzn.to/3BuJLEJ
Mango Wood side table https://amzn.to/3Q15GHj
Tree Stump Stool https://amzn.to/3ByhXPs
Bamboo Food Storage Containers https://amzn.to/3Jdh3d
Wood Magnetic knife holder https://amzn.to/3bdUKHK
Vintage style record player https://amzn.to/3JglRhL
Candle https://amzn.to/3PKYfVb
Bamboo dish rack https://amzn.to/3Jb0i2k
Wooden cooking utensils https://amzn.to/3JfpWCR
Decorative Hand Towels https://amzn.to/3zIx5Zz https://amzn.to/3PZ0ioR
Beach/Home Neutral Towels https://amzn.to/3cJ4OZH
Neutral Throw Pillows https://amzn.to/3OD0tEx https://amzn.to/3oB83oG
Ceramic dinner bowls https://amzn.to/3Jbv2Al
Ceramic Serving Bowls https://amzn.to/3POeeSj
Acacia Wood Bowl https://amzn.to/3ozJCbk
Wood Serving Platter https://amzn.to/3S7ldY5
Table Place Mats https://amzn.to/3vqdF93 https://amzn.to/3vqdFG5
Ceramic Vases https://amzn.to/3zHBOuy https://amzn.to/3PN3eEW https://amzn.to/3PKRliu
*All images by Lifestyle & Wedding photographer, Renata Amazonas, creator of Honey & Garden.
Ready to Ditch Vaping? 9 Tips for Success
Image provided by healthline
For those of you that might be struggling to kick a bad habit, you might find the HEALTHLINE article where I’m featured helpful. Although this article is specific to ditching the habit of vaping, my feedback is relevant toward removing any bad habit from your life.
Check out the full blog post below.
How To Be A Good Friend During Times of Social Distancing & Quarantine
I recently asked my instagram crew for a blog topic. I love creating content around questions and topics that you guys want to hear more about. Keep em’ coming.
Here’s the question that I’ll be speaking too:
How can you be a good friend during these times? (times of social distancing, quarantine, COVID-19)
Meaning “these times,” when there’s limited ways of spending in person, face to face, time with friends and family. A time where we’re pretty limited in where we can go and what we can do. I want to speak to what we do have control of in order to honor the connections that we hold dear and want to keep alive and thriving.
Side note: I also want to say this, when times get tough is where we have the opportunity to see the truth of people, places and things. It could be an interesting time for you to pay attention to things such as; what you’re missing, what you’re not missing and who you feel pulled to connect with.
I’ve heard from several people that the way they’re connecting at this time, although limited, has been rich as people are getting creative in sending the message that they care.
Wherever you may fall right now in terms of relating to your loved ones, I think it’s important to be flexible. When options are limited, it’s important to practice your built in flexibility muscle. You might be noticing that people who have difficultly being flexible, struggle more during times of uncertainty. When the pickings are slim it requires us to tap into giving things a try that we usually wouldn’t gravitate toward. (This also helps us discover new habits and ways of being that we might really come to enjoy.)
Below are three quick tips to consider if you’re pondering how to be a solid friend in the mist of what we’re all facing (together) at this time.
1. Just. Listen.
If all you do is listen, you’re doing far more than you’ll ever know. Unfortunately, I notice how “just listening” doesn’t feel like it’s doing enough for some. Especially for those of us who are driven by tangible results and want to see proof of how our actions cause an effect on another. I completely understand that AND, learning to honor your listening ear, while valuing how healing and significant a role it plays in all your relationships is key to feeling good about how you’re showing up.
If you think about the relationships that you most trust and appreciate, I’m guessing that the component of feeling heard because the other is genuinely listening is at play.
Main take away: As simple as it sounds, if you just listen, you’re doing so much. This will always be true.
Take Care of You
The quality of your relationships will correlate with the level of trust and love that you have within yourself. Everything my loves, everything, is going to be a result of the relationship that you have with yourself. Your reality is and will continue to be a reflection of how you care for and treat your beautiful self.
Side note #2: With that said, it never helps to do a little self inventory, especially now in a time where a lot of the busyness of life has been stripped away. This is a great time to invest attention and energy into your level of self awareness if you choose.
How you speak to yourself, what you eat, what you tolerate, how you move and treat your body are all components of how you take care of yourself. This, ultimately, reflects the care you hold for your life itself. This level of respect that you hone will be felt and reflected back to you within your connections.
Genuinely Connect
Have you ever noticed that it’s about quality not quantity when it comes to feeling fulfilled in your relationships? What do I mean by that? I’m pointing you to look at the quality of your connections vs. judging your connection on more surface level details. (how much you see, talk or spend time with another) We all know that you can work, go to school with or have a neighbor (or family member) that you might see all the time, but don’t feel genuinely connected too.
It can be to your advantage to take note about how you feel in relationship with another vs. focusing on the more surface details. I’m not taking away the fact that those ingredients (history, frequency of talking, etc.) play a role in a strong connection and create really good substance in a relationship, rather, I’m asking you to look deeper.
Each relationship is unique and it’s for you to honestly evaluate. What you give, in terms of your attention, energy, non judgement and love is what has the potential to make a connection very rich. Even if that’s just over the phone or screen.
Your friends are a reflection of you. You get to choose who you decide to call a friend.
With that said, at the end of the day, reach out to those whom you love. Ditch the excuse that there’s no time. Remember that a small gesture goes a long way. It’s often, the little things that bond us and make us fall for the other, quirks and all.
On that note, if you’re biting at the bit to let a dear friend know that your thinking of them during this time, check this out…..
A dear friend of mine, Beckie Peralta, the jewelry designer behind SINE STUDIO JEWELRY currently has a collection of necklaces on “Care Cards” for you to send to your loved ones. It’s a great way to give vibes of surprise & love from afar. Your personal message will be written on the card & will be shipped directly to your pal! DM her on INSTAGRAM to place your order.
*Above image by Wedding & Lifestyle photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
How to Work From Home with Kids
Image provided by havenlife.com
To all my friends, clients and dear sweet people that are loosing their minds trying to “wrangle in” the kiddies while working from home.
First thing I want to say is, you got this. I know, it might not feel like it, but you do.
My feedback on how to find some sort of structure and peace when working from home is featured in the below blog by Haven Life. I know that we’re all trying to adjust and find some sort of normalcy in a situation that is changing our usual.
Cheers to all of you. Wishing you stability, calmed nerves and good vibes in your homes.
Article link below:
Trying to Give Up Smoking Weed? Start Here
If you’re feeling like your habit of smoking weed is no longer doing it for you and you’re looking to kick it to the curb, this post is for you.
I collaborated with HEALTHLINE to provide you with some tips and perspectives to help support you on your journey to eliminate this habit from your world.
Two Tips on How to Keep Our Kids (And Ourselves) Smiling at Times of High Anxiety
I wanted to answer more specifically to some questions and concerns that I’m getting from friends, family and clients that are working to get their kids fears and anxiety (and theirs) in a more healthy and calm space during this time.
My intention is to provide some information that might be helpful for you and your kids, so you, my friends, can keep smiling and find some light during stressful periods….that will have an end.
Here are two main things to focus on and use as a form of mental grounding so your kids can stay cool, calm and collected when anxiety is high. (and you can too.)
1. KEEP YOUR COOL
Generally, the first thing that kids do when their feeling stressed or anxious is to look to their parents for signs of safety and security. We as growing and developing humans are wired to do so. It’s a tribal thing. Doing your best as a parent to remain calm around your kids during times of anxiety & stress can do wonders for their angst (and yours.) As parents, we’re our children’s main role models when it comes to teaching them how to react and cope with their emotions. Children are always looking to their parents to gauge the world, but especially so in times of high stress and anxiety.
I also want to note that when I talk about “being calm,” I’m not suggesting that we deny our own fears or neglect our emotions as adults and parents navigating rocky waters. It’s important to be honest with ourselves about our levels of anxiety and fear and practice our own healthy ways of coping with these emotions. (I mean, we’re only human, right?) In order to present as calm, we need to be as grounded as we can by doing the things that help us release our stress. The trick is to refrain from leading with fear and parenting from a place of fear. Doing so will cause more harm than good. Instead, lead with being rooted and grounded.
Q: So, how do I do that Kim?!
A: I got you babe, see below.
Below is the mental health practice, R.O.A.R, to utilize in order to get a grip on your anxiety by creating a structure for your anxiety to be processed, so you can feel more at peace. (and your kids too)
Here’s a breakdown of ROAR:
R/ Recognize
Take time to find awareness of your emotional state. Do so by asking yourself: How am I feeling right now? Are you HALT (Yes, another acronym for you, apparently I’m loving those today) Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? See if you can identify your emotional state by stopping, “halting,” and bringing attention to your body. (This is also an opportunity for you to help your kids identify their emotions.)
O/ Observe
Observe and orient yourself to where your emotion are lying within your physical body. Stress & anxiety are commonly found as tension in our shoulders and neck, chest or a knot in our stomach. (As the below meditation describes.) Can you identify where your emotions are lying within your body? (Can you help your kids discover where they’re feeling their emotions in their body?)
A/ Accept
Allow your emotions to sit there with you. (Reminder: You can dislike an emotion & also learn to sit with it. This might not be super comfortable, but it’s an important step in accepting our emotions.) The key is to allow yourself to be present with your emotion and allowing it to be there, even if it’s uncomfortable.
For example, acknowledge your anxiety by talking to it: “Oh, hey there anxiety, how’s it going?! I know your there. Sometimes just acknowledging something allows you to accept it and that takes the focus off. We often spend so much time trying to deny or repress emotion and that’s how it stays stuck.
To go further, what this recognition of emotion does is that it helps us to accept the reality of our current state. When we allow our emotions to have space we’re learning the skill of sitting with it all. As we “sit with it all” we’re giving our emotions the very space they need to be processed and accepted, which sets the stage for them to be released.
R/ Release
Releasing your anxiety entails giving up your resistance to your anxious feelings so they can pass through and dissolve. This will allow you to feel more calm.
Here’s a MEDITATION, specifically aimed at releasing anxiety about our current situation, on the free meditation app INSIGHT TIMER to help guide you through the ROAR practice.
Onto the second tip of how to keep your kids spirits light.
2. BE CONSISTENT
Creating routines and having structure that is consistent in a time of inconsistency is key to balancing out high stress emotions. (Not only for kids, but for us adults too) Structure & routine can help kids to feel safe and creates a sense of purpose. Consistency is what helps us as humans feel safe and secure. It’s how we form healthy relationships to people, places and things. We trust and have faith in things that are consistent. Having consistent times for meals, education, play, etc. is an important way to set up structure in order to relieve anxiety in a time of high fear.
Stay positive friends. We will get through this together.
Looking for more support for your anxiety? Here are two of my previous blog posts on how to calm anxious feelings.
https://www.kimegel.com/blog/2019/5/8/5-types-of-anxiety-and-how-to-deal-with-themhttps://www.kimegel.com/blog/2019/3/15/5-ways-to-kick-anxiety
*Above image is by Lifestyle & wedding Photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Want to Feel Better About Your Life? (12 Perspectives to Ditch)
In with the new and out with the old as this year begins. Why Let Go? Well, letting go and shedding what doesn’t serve you will create space for new habits to kick in so you can grow and thrive.
Below are 12 tips on what you can let go of in order to show up with more light and love in the New Year.
For the record, letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care. Letting go is a practice to cultivate in order to avoid unnecessary suffering and harm.
Here we go….
Let go of Believing That The Grass is Greener
Waiting until that certain something happens in your life in order to be happy is such a falsehood. If you’re not happy now, that desired thing might bring you joy at first, but it’s only a matter of time that the truth will prevail and an unsupported foundation will start to show its cracks. You have to learn to like your life now. (I know, I know, hang in there for a second with me on this) Finding ways to be grateful now and finding acceptance for your current circumstances now will help you practice your happy muscle and build momentum that will push you toward what you desire. (That was wordy, but true) As you practice this, what you’re dreaming about has the space to come to you with more ease and on a bigger scale because it’s not battling your resistance.
Let go of Resentment
Let me say it simply, resentment is a hot mess. It negatively taints your energy and gives off bad vibes. You have every right to have all your feelings about any situation that’s causing resentment, however getting a grip on your resentment and working toward turning it into something productive is a win/win. Be mindful of when you're leading with resentment. It’s a bad look.
Let go of Fear
Fear is what stops so many people from doing that thing that could potentially create a lot of positive change and transformation. Get in tune with your fear. Get acquainted with your fear. You don’t have to like it, but you do have to tolerate it in order to get past it.
People that look “fearless” have established a positive relationship with their fear. So, it’s not that they’re “fearless,” it’s more that they’re able to feel their fear and proceed forward regardless of it being in the room with them.
Fear is in the back seat, not the drivers seat. They step toward what’s scary, not away from it.
Hone the skill of sitting with your fear while carrying on with challenging yourself so you can continue to grow and live big. Easier said than done, I know; Yet when you continue to practice this, facing fear will become more of your habit and less intimidating.
Let go of the Need to Please Others
Babes, babes, babes, please be careful of allowing other peoples opinion of you define you. Putting your value and sense of worth in any one else’s hands is not a good habit. You, my love, are the only one who has the authority to decide who you are and what is working (or not working) for you. Considering a respected source’s feedback can be really constructive, but taking another’s opinion of you as your truth is not advised. Learning to cultivate the skill of listening to yourself and valuing your opinion is one of the most beneficial things you can do for your life.
Let go of the Need to Control Other People and Circumstances
Let’s get real. Nobody wants to be controlled or told what to do. We didn’t like it as kids and we sure don’t like it as adults. Especially, more so, for my buddies out there who walk to the beat of their own drum. (Respect, because that’s hard to do.)
Be aware of when you’re in a pattern of believing that you know what’s best for another. There’s a way to be supportive without trying to fix, control a result or another. Looking at your relationship with control can greatly serve you.
Let go of Perfectionism
This is going to be short and sweet. Are you ready?
Perfect. Doesn’t. Exist.
Chasing perfection will always lead you to feel defeated because it’s unattainable. What’s perfect today may or may not be perfect tomorrow. This is so because things are always changing. Allow for things to change and shift without trying to keep it “perfect.” (Whatever that means.)
Let go of Your Mistakes (Regret)
You are meant to make mistakes. Mistake help you to learn & grow.
Please repeat: “I am meant to make mistakes. Mistake help me to learn & grow.”
Please value and learn from your mistakes. When you stay stuck in the past because of regret you’re creating more harm than good. If you’re carrying on with your life making no sort of mishap, then you’re being too careful.
Mistakes get a bad wrap. Change your relationships to how you define your “mistakes” in your life and you won’t be so scared to carry on in the present. This shift will allow you more space to go after what you want. Accept that you’re meant to slip up from time to time. After all, you’re human.
Let go of Self Doubt
Self doubt is a really bad habit. Everyone outside of you is treating you based on how you see yourself. If you think you can do it, other’s will believe you can do it. If you think you can’t do it, others will believe that you can’t do it.
It’s pretty straight up.
Your thoughts about your ability to get a hold of an issue in your life is a major factor in creating the end result. We’re creating our lives based on what we believe we’re capable of, for better or for worse. Believe in yourself because if you don’t other people will struggle to as well.
Let go of Being Black & White & All or None (Rigid)
Being rigid is a sure fire way to miss out on opportunities and joy. Some things might be a straight forward “Yes” or “No.” I honor that. However, as life will have it, many things are grey until they become clear. Be flexible and willing to see different perspectives in order to leave room for people, places and things to surprise you.
Let go of Non Intentional Reactions
In other words: Watch your impulse control. So many issues can be avoided by pausing a little longer than usual before you take action or speak your mind. There’s a time and a place to go for it and think quickly or have witty banter. However, learning when a situation calls for reflection and thought is an art that will benefit you.
Let go of Judgement and Self Criticism
Judgement is such a big road block to happiness. Judgement fogs our ability to see things for what and how they actually are. Reflect on your relationship with judgement. The truth is that the level at which you judge yourself is aligned with your level of judgment toward others. Nobody wants to be judged. It feels rejecting and it’s not a productive tool toward evoking positive change (or gaining friends.)
Let go of Your Timeline
A delay is not a denial. I’m not sure who coined that one, but the truth is that just because what you want is not happening now, doesn’t mean that it’s never going to happen. This is a tricky one because we want what we want and we want it now. When we can’t logically see or mentally figure out how something is going to pan out and appear, it’s hard to believe that it will eventually exist. Letting go of the timeline in which we think and believe that things should and ought to happen for us is really difficult for some of us, especially those of us that live a life in high control.
Practicing concepts such as trust, faith & healthy perspective will help you better cope with the uncertainty that life will bring. If we don’t utilize those virtues, we will be left feeling disappointed and frustrated about how we believe our life is playing out.
Trust life, it’s smarter than you.
Cheers to you shedding what there’s no need for. As you do, it’s only natural for good things to surface that will support your growth and bring more enjoyment into your world. Now, get after it!
*Above image was taken by wedding & lifestyle photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
How To Stop Loving Someone
If there’s one thing in life that can provoke us to feel utterly gutted;, it’s heartbreak my friends. I teamed up with Healthline for this article. Discover how to untangle your heart strings when it appears that your relationship has run its course.
*Image by lifestyle & wedding photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson.
Getting Over A Crush On Someone Who’s Unavailable
Having a crush on someone can be a playful and fun experience. Although, when you’re crushing on someone whose not crushing on you back, that can lead to feelings of rejection and disappointment.
My thoughts on the topic are featured throughout this Healthline article. Enjoy.
10 Tips to Help You Become More Present
I hesitated to write a blog post about becoming “more present” because I know it’s a phrase that’s said often within the world of self help. We all know that we “should” be more present, yet how do we get more present?
Honing the art of being present is a key factor toward living a life that’s fulfilling and rich with meaningful connection.
Here are 10 reminders and practices to partake in so you can start living more in the moment in this fast past world.
1. Establish a Morning Routine
A morning routine does so many spectacular things: It sets a solid foundation for your day, gives you time to prioritize, allows you time to establish healthy habits and creates time for intentions. Yes, this might mean that you have to get up earlier to create the space for your specific morning rituals. I know that’s not very enticing, but all I can say is that it will be worth it and I swear by having a morning ritual.
I recently heard a statement that said something along the lines of, “It’s been studied that individuals with morning routines are, generally, more successful within their lives than individuals who don’t partake in one.” That’s a complete reframe of what I heard, but I can see how that’s so true.
Whether it’s a morning meditation, journal time, stretching, sitting in silence, doing some yoga, a morning routine that’s a consistent practice will help keep you grounded.
2. Learn the Art of Efficiency
When we’re efficient with our time and energy, we’re able to see, with more clarity, what’s not serving us. We’re also gifted with more time to put toward the very things that we enjoy. Hallelujah!
3. Be Here Now
Remind yourself that your life is NOW. Right now. What you do with this moment is creating what will happen in the future. The symptom that you will experience when you dwell in the past is depression. The symptom that you will experience when you’re living in the future is anxiety. In order to avoid getting trapped in the past or future is to practice the art of living in the now; the present.
In terms of the past, that my friend, has already been written and your job is to close that chapter in order to move on and have a fresh perspective to support anything that pops into your experience now. So often, we become stuck and tainted by what happened back in the day. We drag those memories into our present and taint our life with “what was” and how it used to be.
Learning to BE HERE NOW will create so many more possibilities for you and more joy.
4. Thought Stopping
A psychological tool used to reduce anxiety while cultivating more awareness in the moment is called thought stopping. Yup, it’s pretty much what it sounds like. It’s the skill of becoming aware of when you’re thinking about something that’s causing worry, mental weight or discomfort and learning to release the thought then and there.
Just. Like. That.
As you practice thought stopping, over time you’ll notice that you’re having less intrusive thoughts that are carrying you away to never never land.
5. Engage in People, Places and Things that Capture Your Attention
If it doesn’t bring you joy and it doesn’t fill you up, why keep going toward it?
Sometimes we continue to go toward something that’s giving us nothing, or even worse, depleting our energy force because we “made a commitment.” I honor a commitment, although sometimes saying no is the right answer for your well being. Sometimes we continue to engage in negative things because we feel guilty for saying “No.” Recognizing what doesn’t serve you and allowing yourself to say No, if that’s your truth, will lead more time for the things that you want to say “Yes” too.
6. Stop Over Scheduling
I know, life is busy. I’m not doubting that. When you take a step back and allow yourself to be more selective with what you’re choosing to engage in, your schedule has the chance to become more manageable. Over scheduling leads to a lot of time racing around “trying” to make it all happen, which creates exhaustion and showing up half full. Learn to schedule your life in a way where you can enjoy, breath and really experience the events that you’re signing up for.
7. Strengthen The Mind Body Connection
Keeping your mind/body connection strong requires you to stay in tune with your physicality. Focusing on your physical body is a great way to practice presence. Paying attention to the beating of your heart, the rhythm of your breath and taking note of any aches or pains within your body are great ways to strengthen the mind/body connection. Tactics like body scans are great for reconnecting your mental and physical realms. Meditations or visualizations that walk you through a body scan and bring attention to your physical body can be really beneficial to tap you back into your body.
8. Create A Healthy Relationship with Social Media
A quick way to take yourself out of the present is to become locked in on what someone else is doing or saying on social media. I get it. It’s how many of us communicate and receive our information that answers the questions of what, who, when and where. Pay attention to how you can be using your phone to disconnect from being present within your own life. Notice if going to your phone is a gut instinct when you have any sort of downtime. Start paying attention to how dependent you might be on looking at your phone rather than taking in the moments of your life.
9. Focus Babe, Focus
I think we all have experienced being in conversation or around someone whose mind is just not with us. I understand if you can validate how multi tasking is your thing. That’s awesome and probably serves you very well in this rushed world. Although, giving your full listening ear to another human being while offering them the respect of your attention is just kind. Being present in your relationships is how you’ll cultivate and keep valuable connections. We all want to feel heard and like someone is listening to us when we’re in their presence. If you make any change toward practicing becoming more present, this is a big one babe!
10. Practice The Art of Doing Nothing
That’s right, do nothing friends. Recently I was laid out due to an injury that took away a lot of my mobility. At first I fought against my body, but after a coupe of days, I surrendered to being injured and actually appreciated the reality of not being able to do much. Within the quiet space inside is where anxiety and stress can settle without being activated with the next task or noise from the outside.
I hear so many people state, “I just can’t sit still.” Honing the art of being present is being able to sit still, slow down and become more quiet. I want to honor my go-getters out there, and I also believe that if you’re a “go go go” person you have to be mindful of the concept of balance, which would mean that you also need to “be, be be” at times to counter act your fast pace.
So, there it is. If anything, I’m hoping this post was a reminder to stop a little more, focus on the human connection before you instead of your phone, accept where you are in your life rather than stressing about the future or dwelling on the past.
Be here now, friends. It’s a much better experience when you drop into the present moment and live for today.
*Above image is by Photographer Amy Lynn Bjornson.
15 Signs You Might Be An Empath
Has anyone ever referred to you as an Empath? Have you ever felt like it’s quite possible that you’re walking around this life, experiencing all the feels a lot more intensely than the average Joe?
I really enjoy working with my clients who I consider to be empaths. These are often highly creative souls who have a unique perspective of the world who feel people, places and things on a higher frequency than others. This ability to absorb the world on such a high volume is, often, an empaths greatest offering and can also be their main root of suffering. An empath must learn how to protect and take care of themselves. We all need too, although because of the high sensitivity level that an empath navigates this world with, for them, even more so.
I was so happy to be able to contribute to this Healthline article on Empaths. My heart goes out to my creative and empathic souls. We need them. We also need them to know how to keep themselves healthy and well.
* Image above by photographer, Amy Lynn Bjornson